I learned from a reliable spy that my ex-wife's affair with the other man finally ended last week. It started sometime in the summer of 2002. Thats over two and a half years. Apparently she moved back to the house she got in the divorce with our 22 year old son.
I do not knwo how to react to this news. I feel really weird. Although their ultimate split was statistically predictable, I feel a sense of surprise.
I do not know whether it is a good thing or a bad thing to have her there with our son. She is mentally ill enough to make life difficult for him, but it may best best if he moves out on his own anyway.
I certainly want nothing to do with this woman who cause so much grief and misery and was not at all remorseful. Part of me feels "good" that she is no longer living it up at my expense. Part of me want to throw up just thinking about this all.
Yes it IS good to vent. It is also good to hear that statistically they finally got to know each other! The fantasy has ended.
It is also important to congratulate you on wanting no more to do with this woman who brought you so much grief. However, it is also important to recognize all of your mixed emotions. It was a very wise move on your part to divorce. However, that does not mean all of the emotions die. You have been through a lot. Take time to feel each emotion and recognize it. Congratulate yourself for being on the recovery side of all of this horror.
Then think about your 22 your old son. Yes you want him to be safe. However, how much control do you actually think you have over a 22 year old? If my kids are an example they think they are far wiser than I will ever be.
I think your best move is to reassure your son of your love and that you will always be there for him. Basically that is the best gift a parent can give to his "adult" child.
hi alonzo, it must be a weird feeling as it puts an end to the saga. it's funny isn't it how so much was lost and sacrificed for 'undying love' and then it just quietly dribbles out without much fanfare. how ordinary. ex and op become larger than life to the bs for awhile but as time passes and life improves, you realise they are not that special but you are!
my ex is still with ow, going on three years now, and I used to wonder how I'd react if they split. probably along the lines of much ado about nothing. last I heard they take separate vacations and spend holidays apart (he doesn't like her family and vice versa).
anyway you've come out ahead and are in a much better place. agree with el, kids are smart and maybe he feels sorry for her. still, he has his own young life to live, without the hindrance of her issues and think I'd want him to move out too; perhaps with another young fun friend to kick up his heels with!
Not that this REALLY matters....but it would be interesting to see of your ex-wife becomes remorseful for the affair AND regrets losing you as her husband.
A friend of mine lost her husband to another woman about 14 years ago. Her ex-husband and OW ended up getting married. About 6 years ago, he found himself stuck in a miserable marriage...and started suggesting to his ex-wife that he regretted their break-up and missed being intimate with her. She literally laughed in his face! She finally said to him that she was willing to forget that the conversation had taken place...but that he was NEVER to go down that road with her again!
They rarely see each other. However she says that when they do....you can see the regret written all over his face.
hi kara, think most bs's who've been left for op probably harbour that scenario for awhile. I know I did! last saw ex almost a year ago, we met up for coffee as I was in town for a few days. it was bittersweet and I almost felt bad for him. he was so happy to see me, his eyes were watery and he was wearing a watch I had given him for xmas. we didn't discuss her but he let it be known that the grass is def not greener and all is not what it seemed. we had a lot of silly fun together and a pretty good history too. imo he jumped in way too fast into this r even if there hadn't been an affair.
They say that almost 80% of WS who divroce and marry the OP regret it, if it's any consolation.
But I would imagine that it would feel like the drama has played out if the OP and the WS break up. I would think that Alonzo is feeling closure and many, many other emotions that I can only imagine.
