Last week I received a phone call from one of my best friends on the other side of the country...
My husband had been out in the location of my good friend on course for the Marines. We have spent to majority of this past year apart (the distance part of our relationship was not a new occurance as I have worked with the UN and overseas since our relationship began 10 years ago).
She told me that she had something terrible and shocking that she had to share. In march of last year (just after my husband had finished basic training) they met up for beers to catch up on old times (we have all been friends for 10 years) and they had way too much to drink. She didn't know how things started but she and my husband started having sex.
My husband came home from work and I was sitting in utter disbelief on the couch. Our relationship has always been honest and I had thought that we really were on the right track.
My husband told me that what happened that night had absolutely nothing to do with me/ how sexy I am or anything to do with something that was lacking in our relationship. He said that he didn't have any excuses but the reasons for it happening were that he just went through some terrible experiences at Basic training, was incredibly lonely and pissed drunk. He said that he had not forgotten that he was married when having sex with my friend, he said that he just didn't care for a brief period of time. They both felt sickened after what had happened and said that they could not believe that they had done something so horrible to me.
My husband decided not to tell me about what happened as he thought it would be easier on me. He also confided in our friend that he thought that I may have had an affair when working overseas. The guilt of the infidelity became to much for my friend and she decided to call me and tell me about what had happened.
There were definitely signs that something had happened. I actually had a nightmare that involved the two of them together the night that the indiscretion happened. I did know that they were meeting for beers that night(we were all best buddies before) but after the dream I jokely asked him the next day if something had happened - he of course at this time said no. I actually was overcome with anger and tears the week after it happened. Also, since my husband has been home from his coursework he has had no sex drive. I am a super sexy woman (healthy, balanced - take care of myself) and we talked about his lack of sex drive and he said that he didn't know why his sex drive was low (he is a young man of 32). I was understanding and let him know that I was supportive and that we could work together to overcome the sex drive problem (of course I will a little frustrated as well, but I didn't let this become toxic with negative thoughts and energy).
I don't know what I am going to do. We both love each other and want to get through this but I become ill when I think about two of the people that I loved and trusted dearly betraying me in this way.
I am a strong woman and have a very trusting and loving spirit. I don't want to lose these things about myself and become bitter. How long does it take to come to terms and forgive this type of betrayal? Will it always be there? Can I trust him again?
He has said that he will never drink alcohol again in light of this. I said that we can have wine together and at family gatherings but that I don't want him drinking when he is at sea or on tour with the Marines..... He even said that he would leave the Marines so that we do not spend time apart from one another and the risk of a future infidelity is minimized -
Any advice from people who are further along in the healing process???
Re: Struggling with the terrible news - Found out 1 week ago
January 13 2006, 8:05 AM
Hi Laura,
Welcome to the Healing Heart. I am so sorry you have had the need to find our little community. Infidelity is a major life trauma, to have it include a friend only adds to that trauma. I want you to know that everything you are feeling and thinking, “EVERYTHING,” is normal for a person that has been betrayed. You are not alone, we have all been there, or are there now.
My H and I are 4 years past the day I learned about his 10 month affair with a co-worker. We have gone through he!! and back many times through are healing journey but we have emerged, happy, healthy, and very much in love with each other.
Your husband is correct when he says, what happened had absolutely nothing to do with you, how sexy you are, or anything to do with something that was lacking in your relationship. Your husband is correct when he says what happened had absolutely nothing to do with you, how sexy you are, or anything to do with something that was lacking in your relationship. I realize I wrote that sentence twice and now I am going to write it again. Your husband is correct when he says what happened had absolutely nothing to do with you, how sexy you are, or anything to do with something that was lacking in your relationship. The reason I have repeated this 3 times is to help give this statement impact. I know as a BS that is very hard to comprehend that our spouses infidelity was not about us. Infidelity scares up all our insecurities, rubs them raw, and gives them the power to exert themselves with a force we had not known existed, but it still does not mean what our spouses did was about us. Infidelity, is about the insecurities in the WS (wayward spouse) and the need to get a quick ego boost/fix. I am very impressed with your husbands ability to own this as his and only his. Most WS’s take a long time to reach this point. So even though it doesn’t seem like it now, his owning this completely is a very good thing.
Another good thing is that you have contrition and ownership from your friend. Many people, even when the OW is a person they know, never ever receive this.
Your husbands desire to keep this secret is not unusual in the least. It is good that he thought he was wrong. But even though it is true that there was a real desire to protect you from pain, first and foremost he was protecting himself from having to experience your pain and own more fully what he did. Truths even painful ones are necessary to have a fully, committed, relationship. No doubt this secret has been wearing very thin on his conscience and a small part of him is glad to have it out already. As painful as this is for you both, it is also an opportunity to build a stronger relationship.
It is amazing the strength we find we have when going through something as traumatic as this. Your strength will help you through the process of healing. Healing takes roughly about 2.5 years, some can be a bit quicker and some can take longer. It is a process of baby steps. In the beginning you may find that for every one step forward you take 2 steps back, it is the forward steps that keep you going. Even the setbacks are necessary, they help you to see the positive ones more clearly in the end.
Will it always be there? I can Honestly say that it won’t. My H’s infidelity was a part of my every waking and sleeping breath the first year after D-day. But gradually during the 2nd year and then more solidly through the 3rd I have been able to be free of all the obsessive thoughts. Even those X-rated vids of them in bed together.
Can trust be rebuilt? Yes, Yes, and Yes. But blind trust is gone for ever. In truth, blind trust is a myth that we should never have allowed in our lives in the first place. Your H can earn your trust back. He has a very good start by owning what he did. He will slowly build that trust back by being totally accountable. His willingness to quit the marines is a definite plus, but he must actually go through with it for it to count. He should do it on his own because he believes it will help you, even if you tell him he does not need to do it. It is also good that he is giving up drinking, but he must keep that promise in the future, not only now when everything is on the line. One of the biggest things that helped me to begin trusting my H again was his ability and desire to be there for me through the painful process of my trying to comprehend how he could possibly do this. He took all my sh!t and then some, and I love him so much for that. He hugged me when I needed his strong arms around me and he waited in the wings protectively when I could not stand the sight of him. Eventually I began to want to be vulnerable and trust him again. The trust exists because he acts trust worthy.
Ami
This message has been edited by Amistandingstill on Jan 14, 2006 7:02 AM
I have also struggled with my husbands ONS with a co worker. He was overseas at a company conference where he consumed to much alcohol on the last night he ended up with the co worker in his room with them both participating oral and normal sex. He cannot remember how they ended up in his room. He can remember being alone in his room staring at his shoes on the end of the bed. His memory of the sex is minimal but he knew he did not wear a condom or orgasm during the various acts.
My D day was July 30 2005 the day after the ONS. I returned home late in the evening from a night where we were meant to be out together with my eldest son - H's flight was delayed so he arrived home before me. H was so distressed my middle son found out first and when I returned my H blurted out that he had made a terrible mistake, that he had stuffed up his life. H told me about the ONS, he gave me details and answered all my questions immediately except for who it was. Eventually I got that answer too - she is a secretary at work who he has absolutely no friendship with and minimal contact with on a daily basis. She is in a different dept to him.
To say that I am shattered is an understatement. I could not sleep for months after D-Day. I lost weight. Before D-Day I had always worried about sexual predators at these events - H has been in the industry 10 years, but his comfort level with this company was so high that he allowed himself to get drunk and put himself in a situation where this could happen. We had rules on how to avoid these situations - believe me affairs are continued from conference to conference in his old job. Women were not allowed in his room period. H was not allowed in womens rooms. H was meant to always limit his alcohol consumption.
I did not throw him out. I know this is the first ONS he has had. We have been married 21 years - we were six weeks short of our anniversary when he had the ONS. H is full of remorse. He cannot do enough for me. He calls in every morning to let me know whether she is at work. He calls me at least 5 times a day. He bring me flowers. He answers all my questions to the best of his knowledge (over and over and over). He cannot tell me why, he does not know - alcohol most likely. (this is something I am trying to cope with - accepting there may be no "why" but I am getting there) He is not allowed to drink at any work function for any reason. He can only drink with me or with his sons period. He is taking the crap I throw at him - believe me there is heaps. He has always loved me and my 3 sons and we all come first in his life.
It is difficult for him to find another job -he is looking, but the predators are in each company and my husband did not have an affair, so I am not dealing with everyone knowing at his work. His changing jobs is not a priority for me at this stage. I work from home, only a few very close friends know about the ONS. H did not lie to me, he told me immediately, he did not wait for me to work it out myself. He is available to me at all times - however he always is anyway - he spoke to me on the phone earlier on the night of the ONS and he was fine. H has been tested for STD's. He has done everything I have asked for and more. He is desperate that I stay with him. He knows I may never trust him again. He is starting recognise my triggers and helps me deal with them.
I am having trouble accepting that this honest person who I married, my loving H could do this, he knows that this is the one chance he is getting, I may still move on without him. Some days are nightmares and being seperated from him is incredibly difficult. I have not met her, but most likely will as it is my intention to attend conferences with him in the future where ever he ends up, partners are normally allowed to attend the international ones.
H has virtually no contact with her at work they both do not talk to each other. I feel she is a serial predator at these events she is in her mid to late 40's and older than my husband. H is just another notch on her belt.
I have found very few people in this situation. Most people are suffering the agony and total deceit of an affair. I am not dealing with deceit, I am not dealing with the OW. I am not dealing with lies. I am dealing with a betrayal consisting of a night of drunken sex and I am trying to not let it destroy me or my marriage. The pain is overwhelming regardless - however the agony I see some of the people go through on this site makes my situation seem a little bit easier to deal with.
Good luck Laura. You bought out a lurker of 5 months to finally post.
This message has been edited by countingtime on Jan 14, 2006 1:43 AM This message has been edited by countingtime on Jan 14, 2006 1:36 AM
Re: Struggling with the terrible news - Found out 1 week ago
January 14 2006, 10:33 AM
My H's first encounter with a ONS happened at a Co. function with a woman he met at the bar...he was with a coworker who routinely picked up women..so they both had ONS's...alcohol was the blame he placed on the ONS...then justified it ..due to the fact that I wasn't a perfect wife...i.e. the house wasn't perfect when he got home so it was my fault he crossed the line...
his behavior continued, until he can and told me he had an STD...he lied about all the details blamed me and I blamed myself.. I forgave him and we moved on with our lives H continued with more ONS's and PA...unilt he had an EA 4 yrs ago...lasted a yr and with this D-day- This time We are dealing with the why we are able to move ahead..
The pluses you have going for you is that you have a remorseful H, he told you ...he made a mistake...the why you may never know but he has been honest...I would say you can trust him...you can rebuild a good future with him...he sees how hurt you are.
The forgiveness is up to you...it helps to let go of the pain...there is an thread on forgiveness on the OPEN forum started by Tom...if you go to the index on the left side forum issues there are some posts that have been earmarked there that are very good...read the Dear peggy web page also filled with information...
As for Depression...Some of the members have taken some form of anti depression medication to help them deal with the aftermath of the A...so please see your family Dr...
I am still with my H...the past 3 yrs have been so much better than the previous 34 ys...we didn't communicate as well as we should have...i stayed because of the children and was ready to leave 4 yrs ago...I was lonely...loved my H but we didn't communicate with each other...with MC we are doing well now...we both made mistakes in our marriage but we are rebuilding a better relationship now.
There are many members here who have rebuilt their relationships and are doing well...so you can get past the hurt and trust again, not 100% but 98% with time.
pat
This message has been edited by dancin-gal on Jan 14, 2006 10:41 AM
Re: Struggling with the terrible news - Found out 1 week ago
January 14 2006, 11:28 AM
Welcome to both Laura and Maree. Reading both of your situations, I see a lot of reason to have hope. It's been my observation that whenever the affair does not continue past the first sexual experience, then it usually is not something that will rekindle. It's unfortunate that it is with people who have been part of your normal lives, giving you the desire to make changes that will remove them in one way or another.
I think when a confession is made, especially quickly after the ONS, then that says something about the WS's character. My wife had an affair that lasted about six weeks, and although she didn't confess at the beginning, she eventually did. In the process she demonstrated to me where her character is lacking and where it is strong. I feel that her affair created a situation that demonstrated a lot of both our basic character traits, and since a lot of what I learned about hers was not desirable, we have focused a lot of our recovery work on her developing better character. She has made a lot of progress, although she still slips back from time to time. I imagine that short of a miraculous transformation, learning new character is difficult at best and takes a very long time.
I've read about people who had an ONS, felt guilty afterward, but did it again later. Peggy Vaughn, who wrote "The Monogamy Myth" and hosts the website http://www.dearpeggy.com tells her story where she was betrayed by her husband's multiple affairs, which started at business conferences. The reason I am sharing this with you is that I see that the likelihood of any repeat infidelity is tightly connected to the reaction of the WS to their affair over a long period of time. Do they see it as a major character lapse, and take steps prevent is from ever happening again? Or do they look at it as a one time slip that doesn't reflect on their basic nature. It is said that a person's true character comes out at times of stress when they don't have the time or energy to think. I've also heard it said that character is what a person does when they think no one is looking.
When a person is drunk (which when on a business trip is something that is at the very least unprofessional) they have to rely on their basic character traits. Sometimes you hear of "angry drunks" or "affectionate drunks". A person looses their inhibitions when they are drunk, and they say or do what is on their mind. They loose the sense of proper behavior. It seems to me that if a person has a ONS while they were drunk, then they probably wanted (at a very basic level) to have a ONS. I am saying this because I think it's important to recognize early on that affairs don't just "happen", that it takes a mindset that's ready to allow them to happen before they can happen. For example, imagine instead of these women "preying" on your husbands, that it was a homosexual man making advances to them. Is that something that, even drunk, they would have allowed? To me, this demonstrates that it's not just being drunk that allowed the sex to happen, it is also their frame of mind. I believe it's important that the WS learn this about themselves and then put up ALL the necessary boundaries around them to keep the chances of a repeat as small as possible.
Again, I extend my welcome to you. I hope you'll find much support and caring at The Healing Heart
Re: Struggling with the terrible news - Found out 1 week ago
January 14 2006, 1:38 PM
It is amazing how much better it feels to read that someone has gone through just about the same thing as I have. I just finished posting on the other message board. I am so glad that I found this message!
You are not alone!!!
To reiterate: My pilot husband had a ONS with a flight attendant while away on a pairing in Paris, France. The crew (pilots and flight attendants) had landed early in the morning and were all jet lagged. They, as a group, decided to get some wine and cheese and spend some time in a nice park. My H said he felt really drunk and sick and decided to head back to the hotel. (Having had no sleep in many hours) He said he went back to the hotel alone. After waiting at the elevators for a couple of minutes, the FA(flight att) showed up. He says that he remembers her saying that he didn't look very good and that he should lay down. Well, he ended up in her room. As I type this I am again forced to face it, and it hurts like Hell.
It is fairly obvious to me that this particular FA had one thing in mind when she followed my H. I am not saying he isn't at fault, don't get me wrong. But, My H had told me about a conversation he had heard the FA's having, discussing how all of them ( both men and women FA's) thought that my H and another pilot were the two best looking pilots in the co. It didn't occur to me to be jealous that they thought this. In fact, I had thought about how proud I was to have such a handsome husband. I trusted him with the world! To get back on topic: I now know that the OW thought he was attractive, so in my mind she was on a mission. So he ended up in her room and they had sex. He knows he didn't use a condom. He woke up beside her some hours later ( I had been calling him and wondering where he could be) and she laughed when he asked her if they had sex. He got up and left her room.
He has promised me the world. He was the one who told me it happened. I didn't have to find out. It took him about two weeks to build up the courage to tell me. I will never forget that feeling I felt when he first told me. I honestly thought my world was caving in. He told me while driving in the truck. What a place to tell me. I remember feeling like I couldn't breathe. I had to get out and made him stop the truck. I got out and just ran. To this day, he will always remember to do what he can to avoid that very spot as he knows it is a severe trigger for me.
He is very remorseful. He has promised never to drink while away on a pairing. He has promised to stay away from FA's. He has went as far as telling the other pilot that he is flying with that he wants nothing to do with any of the FA's. He has purchased a cell phone that can be used all over the world so if I want to call him, I can reach him whenever and wherever he may be (his idea) He tell me he is sorry. He holds me when I need to be held and backs off when I need him to. He listens to my crying and ranting and raving and apologizes over and over again. He tells me he loves me. He has been tested for STD's. He is about to be tested for HIV and Hep.
I know that I am lucky compared to others who have spouses who have had EA's for years. Unfortunately, it doesn't lessen the pain. It hurst like Hell. I go over in my mind again and again..... how could he have done this to me, to our daughter, to us? Why? That is something I cannot seem to get an answer to. Why? He says that he had no reason. He loved me before it happened and he loves me now. He says he was happy before it happened. Was it that he knew that these women thought he was attractive and it made him feel really good? He says the only thing he can say about it was that it was the biggest mistake of his life. He said that he didn't realize that he needed to be "on guard" at all times.
We are working on things. I would say, for the most part, things are going well. He is very attentive and sensitive to my feelings and needs. It hurts so much some days. Today is one of them. I love him with all of my heart. But, it scares me to think that I am going to look back on our marriage in 30 years, and know that my husband betrayed me 7.5 years into my marriage, and it is still going to hurt.
I know our marriage will never be the same. I will never trust him like I used to. I am going day by day. I am waiting patiently to heal enough to be able to say the words ' I forgive you'. I cannot do that right now. I am not ready to forgive him. I know he loves me. I believe that. I believe him when he says that he is sorry.
Just take it one day at a time and know that you are not alone. Your marriage and my marriage can make it. Thanks for listening!!
I remember reading your post and I was unable to respond at the time. Sorry!
I am glad you are still around I was hoping that you would reply, it was one of the reasons I posted along with letting Laura know there was someone else out there dealing with a ONS. Laura's situation is compounded as it involves a very close friend, a double betrayal.
I am taking baby steps, I rant and rave, last night was one of them. I have started to have happy days, but I slip back with an almighty thud when it ends. I have flashbacks all the time, the ONS invades my thoughts, although not every waking moment any more. I was and still am incredibly traumatised by the ONS.
My two oldest sons know and are learning to cope. My H is with me every step that I take. I do not believe it was something my H sought. He has had jobs where he has travelled frequently and this has never happened before. Quite frankly he could have not told me and I would have been blissfully unaware. We have used condoms as our main method of contraception he could have been tested and not even told me. He was and is in love with me, and cannot comprehend why he did it. My H has always been totally honest with me, but my trust is gone, he has to earn it back.
Hugs to both you and Laura, Laura I hope we are helping you in some way. Laura, you have to lay down boundaries for your husband, set them together. I listed most of mine in my earlier post. Keep posting and I will try to respond.
I have felt a release by simply posting on this board. I have watched everyone here try to help everyone else and it is comforting to see. We have to let time heal us, and unfortunately go through this long painful journey to get there.
Thank you to everyone who responded to my post for sharing your experiences,insights and pain. Ami, when I read your initial post it brought a lot of relief that someone had actually heard and understood my story. Your advice and understanding of infidelity were the things that I needed to hear.I thought that I didn't have anyone with whom I could talk to about the pain/betrayal.
H and I are thinking of going to counselling so we are more aware of the process of healing and the type of support we are going to need to get through this.
Thanks again to everyone that responded.
This message has been edited by raine29 on Jan 14, 2006 11:05 PM
I'm hanging in here. It's definitely not an easy process to get over the betrayl of my best friend and H. I keep going up and down in my emotions. Last week I tried not to think about it or talk about it but that doesn't work (I was just getting so exhausted from the emotions and that jazz that I wanted to try and forget about it for a while).
My husband is pretty tired from getting beat up over the issue frequently but is still taking the crap I'm dishing to a degree. He has had a year to deal with his emotions/guilt about the ONS- I've had 2 weeks to deal with the betrayal. So he realizes that but is still having difficulty with me constantly reminding him of his error in judgement/weakness.
A couple things that My husband has said I have found problematic - my H has always been completely honest about what he thinks his opinions. He said that before the ONS with my best friend he had noticed that more women were looking at him and flirting with him. He has been honest with me and has said that he flirts back with women and doesn't tell them outright that he is married. He also said that he has had many many opportunities to sleep with other woman while we have been together but that he never had until the ONS with my best friend. He also said before the ONS to me that it is natural for men to ask themselves if they would have sex with every woman that they see. Not that they intend to have sex with them, just that this is the first question they ask themselves when they see a woman and that for everyone woman that a man sees the first thing the man looks at is their physical attributes.
I'm not a man, so I don't know if this is the case for all men or not.
He also said that the norms of our culture are to have monogomous relationships but that in other cultures it is normal for a man to have several woman. He said that he does not want this but that it is something to consider.
He has also said that he should have the right to defend himself when I'm dishing out my emotions towards him. Yesterday I told him that I had some thoughts while having lunch with a friend whose husband is completely devoted to her and that when I thought to myself that her H would never do anything like what my H did to me. He got angry over my comment but I was just sharing my thoughts. He said that my friends H has probably never been in a situation such as my H, and if he was placed in a similiar situation it is definitely a possibility. I agree with him - I was just sharing my thoughts.
Also, when I brought up my emotions yesterday he said that I'm going to have to make up my mind if we are going to stay together or not because he is not getting younger. He doesn't want me to realize 10 years down the road that I don't want to be with him.
woah! I've ranted a fair bit. Needless to say I'm a little confused and frustrated by my H's comments.
Re: Struggling with the terrible news - Found out 1 week ago
January 20 2006, 9:19 AM
Hi Raine,
A few things...
Speaking as a man, I personally don't immediately rate every woman I see according to whether I would have sex with them or not!
First I see if they have a nice face
Second I see if they have nice shoes
Then, and ONLY then (3rd), do I wonder what it would be like to have sex with them!
Seriously, though, I personally think that is an immature way to react to another human being. Obviously we all find certain physical characteristics more attractive than others, but rating whether "On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give her one - phwoaar", is a bit shallow. Some men will react this way, others won't - it depends on the individual. The same is true for women, I'm sure - my W, for example, is more likely to notice an attractive woman than I am (hmmmmmm, maybe this has been telling me something...).
As regards other cultures' norms...
They are irrelevant to YOUR situation! Why should they be something to consider? What IS relevant is YOUR personal norm, and what is acceptable to YOU, as well as the mutual understanding that HE entered into with YOU as to what constituted acceptability in your marriage. I am sure that in your marriage, you were not envisaging adultery being within its acceptable parameters! He is throwing up a smokescreen (knowingly or not, it doesn't matter) by implying that you consider "broadening your terms of reference" so to speak. This will then soften the impact of what he has done, allow him to wriggle off the hook at least partially, and give him an easier ride to redemption. In my opinion - and I have learnt this the hard way - you should stand your ground! Make it absolutely clear what is acceptable for YOU, and what is NOT acceptable for HIM to do. It's all very well tolerating other people's cultures and viewpoints, and knowing intellectually that certain things are more acceptable to them, but we have our OWN standards as well, and that is especially true within the intimacy of a marriage. In ancient Greece it was considered acceptable for more mature men to practise sodomy with boys, as long as they wooed them with gifts etc. While we may understand that it was acceptable for them in their culture, it doesn't make it acceptable in ours! Even within our culture ,there are different norms - polyamory is not illegal, I even know a few polyamorists, but I don't subscribe to that lifestyle myself - it isn't acceptable to me!
Sharing your thoughts...
The reason that he is reacting angrily when you share something he doesn't like is that it holds up a rather nasty mirror to his ugliness. No one likes to feel uncomfortable, or bad, or wrong, so the angriness pushes attention away from those bad feelings - attack is the best form of defence. This is also not necessarily a considered reaction, just a natural one. My W does the same thing when I try to confront her with her A, which triggers me further, etc. etc., I'm not getting into that now. You are the aggrieved party, I say SHARE your thoughts, whether he likes it or not. He must realise how deeply his injurious behaviour goes, or he's going to think it's okay on some level. Don't censor yourself. I've done that - it doesn't help!
Being rushed into "deciding"...
Rubbish! He is trying to rush past the very real healing and discovery phases that you need to go through to get over his infidelity. He is doing this to spare HIMSELF the agony of your 'Sword of Damocles' hanging over his head. He may not realise this. If he is serious about making a go of his marriage to you, then he needs to realise that HE has done wrong and YOU will take as long as it takes to process it. It is not a quick thing - there are people in here still wrestling with their FWS betrayal YEARS after the fact. The general figure thrown around here for realistic initial healing is two to two-and-a-half years!!!! Be honest with him about this, and where you are, and what he needs to expect - he must back off and let you heal.
<He doesn't want me to realize 10 years down the road that I don't want to be with him.>
Maybe he should have thought of that before he was 'with' someone else! He did this to you both, he needs to deal with it!
That's my 2 cents...
Dave
Edited by Dave to make sure that everyone is absolutely clear that my opening statement about only assessing a woman's sexual potential third was a joke, in reality it only comes about 6th on my list... (I have a LIST? oo-er...)
This message has been edited by shoozul on Jan 20, 2006 9:23 AM
Re: Struggling with the terrible news - Found out 1 week ago
January 20 2006, 10:20 AM
Laura
Your H is not helping you deal with his ONS...reality to him it was no big issue...no emotional feelings ...just sex...men have sex women make love..it is a physical release..so yes he really cares less to discuss the issue of a ONS.
Please read the Dear Peggy web site...she has lots of articles that may help you get thru this time to understand what what you are going thru.
hugs,
pat
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