I told myself when I decided to stay in this marriage after a second affiar, that I wouldn't let the cycle repeat.

Well, it is and at shorter intervals.

After D-day I felt so encouraged at the efforts he made to keep our marriage together I didn't push for everything I needed. Just settled for the little he gave. This was the mistake I made after his first A.

When I realized that not only was he not going to give more but he was back sliding into pre-D-day patterns, I began to plan an ultimatum which I gave ahead of schedule. It had the desired effect and we began MC finally. Once again I felt encouraged.

Now he is fighting the counseling in his passive-agressive style. I let him set the appointment times. Doing whatever it takes to make my schedule fit so he will have no excuse. He still finds excuses. (I also found someone close to where he is to make it easier for him.)

He was refusing weekly counseling claiming financial concerns. So the counselor offered half price sessions if he came weekly. He didn't have an out so he agreed.

Now suddenly his schedule has changed so he can't make the time he scheduled. He claims to have no say in it but he is the supervisor. He sets the schedule. He could do something. Even just for the day we have counseling

I just feel like we have hit the plateau again. Just trying isn't enough. He needs to DO something. Make real progress not just show up and say that should be enough.

I am thinking this is not going to work long term. I don't think I could leave now due to kid concerns.

(Some may know but others may not. We are in the process of adopting our foster kids/nieces and nephew. Please no discussion on the wisdom of this. I have looked at all the angles and this is the only decision I can make. They are my babies. They need me. Even if I leave my husband they are better off with me than seperated into different foster homes.)

Anyway, looks like Plan B is still in play. I may have to fall back on it in the not too distant (though not too near) future. I just have to get through the adoptions then see what happens.

Trinity

Trinity,

I can only say keep the lines of communication open...and call your H on his lack of attending MC...

When I did this H didn't realize that he was putting other stuff before us and our healing...and starting to revert to old habits...it is learning to discuss not shut down...

Hugs,

Pat

Pat is right.  This is what my C said to do as well.  When H does not keep a promise or backslides, make him accountable for it, dont just let it go...force the issue.  At this point Trinity you dont have anything to lose by standing up for the marriage.  As you will recall, my H is the passive-aggressive type too and this is part of their behavior.

Good luck with the adoptions.  I hope they go through for you soon.  That would be a relief and one less thing is this life to worry about.  Take care.........Carol~