Over the last week, I have re-read Katie Coston's book
"HOW TO GAIN RESPECT AFTER YOUR AFFAIR"
available free as a download at
http://www.aftertheaffair.net/
The author asserts that regaining of respect on the grounds of at least ordinarily exhibited humanity towards the betrayed spouse, is a sine qua non of resoration of a marriage.
I would add that in the absence of that desirable restoration, the maximum possible regaining of respect of the betrayed spouse for the betraying spouse is crucial to the achievement of a relatively neutral working relationship---required for the children's sake--- between ex-spouses following divorce resulting from infidelity.
Grave and unresolved post-divorce issues, centered on (you guessed) lack of properly expressed repentance and remorse in the case of my ex-wife, are now horribly obvious to at least the 5 older (out of the 11) children of my past marriage.
Therefore, after having spoken quietly and carefully about the children problem with my ex-wife again last evening, I reminded her that three years ago I had given her a copy of Kate Coston's book and had asked her to read it. Last evening she said she had read it then, but last evening I asked her--this time specifically for the children's sake--to read it again. Which she disgruntedly indicated that she might.
Her health is now bad, she is a woman-alone, and her energy and stress tolerance are both failing seriously. Yet she remains as grim-faced and denying as ever concerning her affair which destroyed our marriage.
So, on compassionate grounds as well in respect of her health and adequate further functioning as the custodial parent to our 10 youngest children, I thought it right to draw her attention again to Kate Coston's highly persuasive views on the restoration of Respect.
That respect would, in my present thinking which I explained to her,include the respect of her highly dependent children for her as their mother; which is now a burgeoning and ongoing issue as those children grow into greater awareness of what actually happened within and outside, and finally to, our marriage.
Downloading Kate Coston's free, work-of-love book is simplicity itself. It is has no Index or Contents pages, but it is conveniently available in word-searchable PDF format and reads very easily on-screen.
