This is from a website I found. The book is called "Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls" by Robert Burney.  I thought some may benefit from some of the articles.  Here is one I thought that was aprticularly helpful:

 

"Setting boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation - although some people will say they are setting boundaries, when in fact they are attempting to manipulate.  The difference between setting a boundary in a healthy way and manipulating is:  when we set a boundary we let go of the outcome."

"It is impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has no boundaries, with someone who cannot communicate directly, and honestly.  Learning how to set boundaries is a necessary step in learning to be a friend to ourselves.  It is our responsibility to take care of ourselves - to protect ourselves when it is necessary.  It is impossible to learn to be Loving to ourselves without owning our self - and owning our rights and responsibilities as co-creators of our lives."

http://joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm

Take care...Carol~

Thanks Carol, I found on the site you said some words which seem to talk to me about judgement and the difference between doing something bad and being essentially bad people. I like to think we are all essentially ok and good inside, somehere, deep down and I suspect everyone can or does believe that too
Be well,
Jerry

Words from web-site are:

[When I use the term "judge," I am talking about making judgments about our own or other people's being based on behavior. In other words, I did something bad therefore I am a bad person; I made a mistake therefore I am a mistake. That is what toxic shame is all about: feeling that something is wrong with our being, that we are somehow defective because we have human drives, human weaknesses, human imperfections.

There may be behavior in which we have engaged that we feel ashamed of but that does not make us shameful beings We may need to make judgments about whether our behavior is healthy and appropriate but that does not mean that we have to judge our essential self, our being, because of the behavior. Our behavior has been dictated by our disease, by our childhood wounds; it does not mean that we are bad or defective as beings. It means that we are human, it means that we are wounded.

It is important to start setting a boundary between being and behavior. All humans have equal Divine value as beings - no matter what our behavior. Our behavior is learned (and/or reactive to physical or physiological conditions). Behavior, and the attitudes that dictate behavior, are adopted defenses designed to allow us to survive in the Spiritually hostile, emotionally repressive, dysfunctional environments into which we were born.]

Jerry,

I think you will like this website, as it is quite spiritual.  You are a very spriritual person, no doubt. At least that is what I sense in you.  You have an ability to share your "light" with many people here...they relate to your kind nature and wise words and your genuine desire to want to help others.  People feel the warmth of your glow even over the internet, lol. You are a kind soul

Take care...Carol~

Good boundaries are essential to any relationship.

A lot of times we drop boundaries because we don't know how to enforce them without using the "nuclear" option. Howver, anyone who is working a being a good parent is aware of how setting the right boundaries for a child with appropriate consequences is essential for raising them into emotionally mature adults. I have taken a lot of lessons from my experiences as a parent and applied them to my other relationships. I am always learning more as they grow older and closer to adulthood.

TomJ

So true Tom, so true....Carol~