Yesterday, I received "official" confirmation that my W will truly never get it, through a conversation she brought up about her sleeping around behind my back, many years ago.

You see, years ago, my sister had cheated on her H, & left him & her children for another man. After initially reaming her out about this, I finally came to terms with it, forgave her, and let it go. My sister and I are now on very good terms. Her children, now adults, also worked through it and have forgiven her, far as I can tell.

What does this have to do with my W? Good question! She, of all people, is hanging on to anger at my sis for doing such a thing....(?!), and she accuses me of having a double standard...my forgiving my sister, but not being able to let go of what my W did (mostly because she is unrepentant)...She is completely blind to the VAST difference between my being betrayed by her, as opposed to what another person (my sister) did!

Is this CRAZYMAKING, or what?! Sheesh!

I'm just chalkin' it up to another life's lesson learned. Some folks just will never come around. I love her anyway.

BB,

Sounds like your W is the one with the double standard.  She expects you not to be angry still about her betrayal, yet she is still angry at your sister. Hmmm!

I believe you are right. She doesnt get it, atleast not totally anyway.  But you know what? As long as you are OK with that, then it's OK. I think it rather noble of you to love her anyways.  You are a good man with a wonderful heart and a huge capacity for love & forgiveness.

Take Care...Carol~

hi blue, it might be time to remind her that what happened with your sister was a long time ago and you and your sister have worked through it.

what you guys need to work through now is her betrayal of you, they are different things.

change the topic, say you sister had been a thief but had worked through that and stopped it, yes you would have been angry but got to a point in your life where her thieving while still not acceptable, no longer deserve the punishment or consequences of your feelings at that time.

now change that topic to your wife being a thief, you are as angry at her now as you were with your sister. it isnt that one is better or less better or deserving or less deserving, it is that the revelation and associated punishments and consequences are current with your wife.

besides you sister didnt do those things to you, your wife did, that is a big difference, so the forgiving and consequences are naturally different.

hope this makes sense
cheers
kath