My brother just called me tonight...he discovered that his wife has been cheating on him <sigh>. I talked to him for two hours on the phone.  He said he needed someone to talk to and knew that I would understand. He has been married for 12 years and they have 4 beautiful children.

I am sorry but I dont understand! I mean, logically I do, I get it.  But what I dont get is how so many lives are ruined by infidelity, and how people allow themselves to excuse their behavior while innocent people suffer (especially the children). And also how society turns a blind eye and considers it "normal". If it was "normal" it would not be so devastating. I know that most WS's have no idea how detstructive their choice to cheat really is, and how it impacts so many people.  They think they are hurting no one, when they are really detsroying countless lives and for what really? Because they cannot face their own issues? Instead of "dealing" they cheat.  Sometimes I really wonder where the justice is in this world.

Right now I am just feeling overwhelmed.  Infidelity is destroying my entire family, not just me and H and my children.  I mean my entire family and H's too.  Every one of his uncles have cheated, his father cheated, his brother's wife cheated and H cheated. My mother cheated, my sister cheated, my niece cheated, my brother's wife cheated and my nephew's wife cheated.  And all day today I have had nothing but triggers!!!  Just so much pain around me and inside of me.  It just seems like a contagious disease...unstoppable like the plaque...and it will not rest until it has touched the life of everyone on the planet in one way or another. The really, really sad part...it is 100% preventable. It doesnt have to be this way

I am just so exhausted...Carol~

Yes Carol I know the feeling you have - In me it made me feel desperately sad - I look around now sometimes and feel and see the devastation so manifest.  The other feeling I had on reading your post was how powerful and understanding you now are.  Your experience has brought such loving understanding to your heart.  You know and understand all this pain.  Humans are weak and imperfect.  I have wondered about the big picture and changing the world.  Then I understand I have to change the little bit of the world I know of - All I can do is work on myself and those I encounter.  I feel sure your brother is greatly helped and loved by you at this  time - and his wife and the children.

May all your wider family be safe and well, contented and happy

I'm sorry to hear about your brother. You are right. It seems like much of society thinks of it as no big deal. It's all over, wherever you turn. On tv, in magazines, etc. Sometimes I wonder what the whole point of marriage/relationships is. I just don't get it either. Your right....the WS do not know how much they destroy and hurt others. Sometimes I think it is easier for a WS to move on with their life while the BS stuggles with the destruction it has done to their mind, spirit, and heart. To love and trust again is scary. I hope your brother is holding up.

Jetta

hi mate

well i guess the one positive that i can see from your experience is that you can help you brother deal with what he is facing. BUT remember his stuff is his and yours is yours, but you now have such a gift of knowledge to support him in his choices.

hugs to you both
kath

(((((((Carol)))))

Kath said it well...you can help him..be there, listen,... but his stuff is his ...don't take on his burden.

pat

Thanks everyone for understanding.  I do not wish to take on my brother's burden.  I know he must face this himself.  I am happy to support him anyway that I can.  I just wish this did  not have to happen to him and his family.  It is not thetype of  pain I would wish upon anyone and it breaks my heart to see another suffering...especially my own flesh and blood.

Take Care...Carol~ 

Hello Carol, Is there anything we can do to help - Do you want to ask advice from us on his behalf... Mind you.. probably not much I can say to help you.. I suppose I am a man that may help.. you never know!

May your brother be safe and well

Carol dear,

I am so sorry about your brother's facing this situation. Hmm. Do you know any drug manufacterers who could develop an A vaccine for your family? It certainly sounds like they could use one, and think of how much money you could make off that! Your kids' colllege would be paid for!

Seriously, your brother may want to come here to post too. I know everyone would welcome him. He could use "Carol's Brother" as his ID, so we would know who he is.

Please tell him we all understand.

Fairy hugs,

fairyfriend

((((Carol))) I am so sorry.

It is a disease and it is preventable. That is what makes it so sad and such a tragedy.

sigh......

Thank you guys fro your support  

I told my brother about the site.  He said he is getting help and will think about joining.  He is in the military and he has seen the chaplin twice already and he has suggested a "Separation and Divorce Support Group" for Military personel.  He said he is going to go on Thursday when they have their meetings. This will be good for my brother since the military handles such things differently. My brother is "Base Security" and he had to inform his superior officer about his wife's infidelity. It is "required" that he inform his superior officers of any emotional state that affects his ability to do his job, which clearly states "marital distress".  He is having a hard time with this because once he informed his superior officer, immediately 30 other higher ranking officals, clerical workers, and clinical workers now know. Especially for a man, this is a big blow (for women too) that so many others know about his personal life in that manner. My nephew was also in the military when his wife cheated.  She cheated while he was in Iraq. I hate to say this, but as common as cheating is, in the military the statistics are even higher.

My brother also asked me about the legal stuff.  I told him to see a lawyer ASAP, especially since she filed a restraining order against him.  He did nothing to hurt her but she told the officers that she was afraid he might and that was all she had to say. He said he has an appointment already setup for Wed. with a lawyer recommended by a friend, but just wanted to know what to expect basically.  I told him that all states are different but told him what my lawyer told me.

I also told him about getting tested for STD's.  He said he never even thought about that and was thankful I suggested it.

Take Care...Carol~