Three years ago today, my H started his affair. They kissed on this day in 2005 and that gave her the nerve to e-mail him later on that day and ask him if he would like to "see" her again and the D-head said yes! It lasted 9 months until I found out and then he tried to carry it on via e-mail contact for the next two weeks until I found out about that.
I was reading and posting this morning and seemed very weepy and cried a few times and couldn't understand why I was so emotional today, Until I realized the date. I knew the date was coming, but didn't think it would bother me since it is the third Jan 7th I have lived through since discovery. Maybe it bothers me so much this year because I have lost hope and see this date as the beginning of the end of my marriage.
I wish I could say that H will remember the date and console me but he wont. Which is probably just as well because if he does remember the date I'll just be upset because he was thinking about his A and assuming he was looking fondly back at it and about OW. My own little torturous mind game.
Maybe I'll bring it up to him, but I am so sick of being the one who opens up! I've been doing that for over two years now and I'm so sick of it.
Those "anniversary" days are really the pits. Its amazing the power they continue to hold despite the passage of time. I completely empathize with your illogical reasoning of wishing your H would be able to remember the pain of this day for you without him reminiscing about what he was doing with her. I'm headed off for MC in the next few minutes so I suppose I'm channeling our C. I know if this were me and I was talking about this situation in our session, she would talk about my level of responsibility for bringing up my feelings to H because its unfair to expect him to be a mindreader. That said, unless a C has been through this, I don't know that anyone truly understands the level of exhaustion that comes from shouldering the bulk of responsibility that seems to fall on the BS. Hugs, Lisa; I wish I had words of wisdom. All I can offer is understanding. BlueIris
"We cannot wait for the storm to pass; we must learn to walk in the rain."
Thanks Blue, soemtimes all we're really looking for is someone who understands the feelings and mind-set that come with being a BS.
It is my responsibility to bring up my feelings to H, and I know that. At a point it just gets so discouraging that I am always the one who puts myself outhere for him and he barely puts himself out there for me. And when he does, its usually not that deep.
Lisa,
I relate to your feelings, not only because I know the suffering of a BS but because my H started his A in January also and this is always a tough month for me. The added indignity is that January was the month we started dating and when our first son was born. The cruelty is sometimes overwhelming.
And, like you, wish H was a mind reader but I know that he wants to forget his shameful past and wishes I could do the same.
He gets that pained look on his face when I bring it up and sometimes even says something about "is this all we are going to talk about forever?" That enrages me and we are off to a bad night.
At some point, I do believe that, if Hs are remorseful and doing the right things, that we have an obligation to ask ourselves if we really need to ask that question again, have that discussion again.
Really sucks that we have to have self control when they so clearly didn't.
