It just occured to me that we ALWAYS refer to ourselves as being Betrayed Spouses. Yet we refer to our WS as FWS. Why do they get to be Former Wayward Spouse, yet we label ourselves and speak of ourselves as if we will forever be betrayed. We do them the courtesy of crossing some point of being "Former" yet offer ourselves no equivalent label. We don't speak as if we are approaching it. I suppose we call it healing. But, it seems to me that once we begin to label our spouse as Former Wayward we should begin to label ourselves as Former Betrayed.
And deeper yet, is that many of us become Former Betrayed before our WS has completed their journey. Ok, so for some of us that means we get separated, divorced, or we are single. But, aren't their others who consider themselves "healed", "recovered", "successful"? I think so.
So I am adding to my vocabulary and list of abbreviations FBS. And, I think I am an FBS, novice but still FBS. Sure I slip into the BS of being a BS (ha, ha) from time to time, but I expect so too do the FWS's - whether we know it or not.
Maybe all the FBS's leave the group. Is there room in this board for an FBS? I don't think I could have made it without the shining examples I've seen and who have stuck around to help. So cheers to all of you FBS's, proclaim yourselves as such! You deserve to upgrade your acronym to be reflective of who you really are and all the the FBS exemplifies in the building of human character!
I think you can tell a former betrayed spouse by the fact that they are here posting when they really don't need to anymore for their own recovery. Consequently their rooms (boards) are all where they feel they can help.
Eventually a betrayed person will reach a point where they don't need to post about their own situation anymore. Sometimes they leave the forum and move on to new things. Other times they choose to stick around to help those who come fresh on the heals of betrayal. Either one is good and OK.
TomJ
This message has been edited by tomj76 on Mar 11, 2008 4:42 PM
FWS means that the S is no longer wayward but has "reformed" and no longer "strays". In other words that person is no longer choosing to act.
BS's can never be FBS's. We can forgive, recover,heal, move on, give up, move out, etc... but we will never NOT have been the BS. We were acted upon without our knowledge or consent and we were made to pay consequences for actions which we did not choose to make. We may choose/struggle to no longer be victimized-either by the WS or our own minds- but we can not, I don't think, say that we were "formerly" betrayed as though it never happened. At least that is what I think and maybe one reason that every day nearly 2 years down this awful road is still awful.
