Another inetresting article for psychcentral.com This one is about rejection. For those of us whose WS left (regardless of why...drugs/op whatever) feel rejected. Is rejection how we learn to tell who is real or who is a fake? Read on my friends...

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Who knew that rejection might have an upside? After being dumped by a boyfriend or girlfriend, the only things we feel good at is, well, being rejected.

But in a strange twist of evolutionary fate, apparently that rejection may sensitize us to genuineness in others and being better able to spot fake or artificial emotions. The researchers tested their hypothesis on undergraduates and smiles:

The research found that subjects who were manipulated to feel rejection were able to distinguish a fake smile from a real one nearly 80 percent of the time. Researchers studied 32 subjects, 17 women and 15 men. […]

“Some thought the subjects who had been rejected would latch on to any sign of positivity and accept the insincere smiles as genuine,” Bernstein said. “But it’s clear we’re equipped with radar for identifying who is open to affiliation and who is not.”

It may not work with other displays of emotion, however. For instance, can we tell if someone is being genuine if they say, “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear you two broke up”? After all, that would seem to be something of more use to a person who just faced rejection, rather than a smile.

It’s a very small study, done with undergraduates, who were manipulated into feeling something (versus a feeling resulting from a genuine life situation), so the results must be taken with a grain of salt. Still, it’s an intriguing discovery and it’ll be interesting to see if future research confirms this finding.

Read the full article: Socially Rejected Are Better Judges of Sincerity



~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha

My FWS and I are together, but I felt the rejection as he continued to lie to me for 15 months after dday and during our separation after dday when he chose OW for awhile

I never considered the 'fake smile' aspect of this specifically, but I feel I am more aware of little white lies, hurtful sarcasm that is supposed to be 'funny', insincere comments and I suppose fake smiles would fall into this group.

and I remove myself from these people so fast....

When I think of my 'circle of friends' before dday, I cast a wide net that included casual friends. Now, and I think this is all related, that circle is smaller, tighter, harder to get into and valued and loved and cherished beyond measure.

This is very interesting....

-Susan

I absolutely believe this to be true! I have found that you can spot the 'fake smile' and can read someone's sincerity much more quickly.

Having said that, I need to see this in someone at least a couple of times before I shut the door on them (unless it's painfully obvious that they like to put on a 'show').

And Cal ... this finely tuned ability to 'read' someone's sincerity will serve you well if and when you decide to date