I guess that's the fewest amount of words possible to express how BS's can feel at times, Jetta. Sometimes that says it all.
Just remember that feelings come and go. I hope there will be a swing around to something positive for you!
BB
Thanks for the understanding. I just find that after all this time, he would work on his communication skills and reflect on why he did what he did. I have tried to work on communicating with him and not come off as threatning. I walk away when the conversation goes no where, rather then to continue in circles like before. I have learned that his ways of communicating will never change until he understands his reasons for having an affair at all.
Me: We are suppose to learn from experiences in life. What have you learned from this affair? (yes, he has gone to therapy)
Him: To not do it ever again.
AHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Time does not heal anything unless there is some serious work involved and lots of self reflection. I feel that I have changed the way I handle things more so then him. After a heated discussion, in the past I would hold grudges for days. Now I just move on and talk to him like normal. It doesn't make a difference anyway.
He is just an avoider and wants things to be better without getting messy, sort of speak. I just can't open my heart to him and deal with it the way he has. If he feels fear in communicating with me, how come he can't understand that I feel fear in opening my heart to him and trusting him again? I have even expressed that to him. It seems to me that I need to give to him first, even though he chose to have the affair. How does that work?
I'm getting to the point where I will just live a married life for the sake of my children's financial future. Collage is expensive and they deserve to go even if I have to play along in this marriage. If I was to end this marriage now, my kids would lose. I am feeling unhappy now and I know that I will feel even worse if my kids lose because I chose to leave. I know that sounds bad, but it's honest.
I know exactly how you feel. I go through days saying i will stick it out for the kids. They will have a semi normal life, financially we wont be ruined and sending them to college wont be impossible. It is sad, but your not the only one who feels this way. Unfortunately for me my H did not learn "To not do it ever again".
I also know exactly how you feel. Im in the same situation as you are. My H says he will never be unfaithful any more and never lie, but that is it! He dont want to excamine what was wrong with him that made him do the damages(many As). He tells me to belive him now, but it is difficult. I just want to be safe and relax and not be uncertain of his thoughts and actions. I know we have never deserved this turmoil.
Oh, it is not easy, is it.........! I sure hope we are able to have a better 2009 than 2008! I wish you all a better new year!
(((((((((((((((Jetta)))))))))))) am sorry you are hurting. Your anger is understandable. He says he's learned to never do it again but he has not done the work to figureout why he had the A in the place, and therefore he cannot backup up those words...so how are you supposed to open up your heart. I am glad he is going to therapy and I do hope he is truly working on it...maybe he will figure it out one day. I know that doesnt help you right now and I am sorry. This is a process...no quick fixes....how I wish that were not true!
Im glad you posted...
~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha
