I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this idea, but here goes....

I've always had a lot of "benign" male friends - general friends, employees, contacts, etc., who could never be construed as anything but FRIENDS. These are friends my H knows about and I always send c.c.s to H if there's been an email. I have no romantic interest in them whatsoever.

Ever since DD (April 09), I've become extremely aware of how delicate my conversations with these friends really are. Many times I praise them up and down for being wonderful and clever and unique. Nothing that would raise eyebrows anywhere but with, possibly, my H. So I now think more carefully about what I write. To some extent I've traded my innocence for his knowledge.

I'm not sure of your story, WS or BS? Either way I hear the innocence part. It's a loss. But as a hopeful note, maybe enhanced awareness and knowledge of life, human nature, and especially each other is the other side of the coin. I feel that's where I'm headed through this tho' I would never have wished to take this path. I'm beginning to see the new consideration we have for each other. It's sweet.

In the Monogamy Myth she talks about how really UN-aware we are as a society about the prevalence of affairs and the bombardment we receive from media supporting them. She believes that lack of awareness really creates a vulnerability to them.

Painful way to learn. Wish I'd read the book ahead. I'm going to suggest it to my kids when they're preparing for marriage. Deb

Hi Deb - Sorry for not being more clear; I'm a BS. This experience has made me more aware of how easy it is for words to be miscontrued. I'm naturally spontaneous and abundant in my expressions of affection for my male friends and am now much more circumspect. Just a fallout, I guess.

Mikka, me too. I'm self conciously casual w/men now. Almost over-board JUST friends.
Maybe that's a good way to be. Deb

Hi Mikka - I feel the loss of innocence is more like an opening of the eyes to reality - And being aware does not mean that we lose out or have actually "lost" anything - This is one of the most heartening things I return to when I feel down - I consider and reflect on the fact that I, at least, know the territory I am walking in and see and know more - It is more like a loss of ignorance perhaps.

I would rather live in the real world every time - despite the pain and suffering that there is there.

may you be safe and well, contented and happy