So, it beens yrs since I've been on these forums. My H infedality was discovered almost 7 yrs ago. We successfully repaired and rebuilt our marriage. But now I keep having this instinctual feeling that something is up. I do not have concrete reason to believe something is going on (but I never did in the past either). Our intimacy is off, our communication is all of a sudden off, and we seem to be arguing constantly. Is it possible that my instincts are right or are we just going through normal marital ups and downs? Any insight on this would be so helpful...I've been feeling this way for a couple mnths now and I finally just have to talk to someone about it.
This message has been edited by koutroul on Oct 6, 2011 9:33 AM
K,
We've been married 40 years, and I can attest to the fact that there are ups and downs...but never "outs."
A heart to heart discussion seems in order. Watch his body language and what he might not be saying. Then trust your instincts. Since you have a history of infidelity, he should be totally open to your vibes and concerns.
Good luck,
JJ
Peace is not just the absence of war; it's an exercise in compassion. -Dalai Lama
Coming to you from JJ
I had the same feelings about 3 years ago, but I didn't confront him about it, as I felt that he would then cover it up and I would never know. I instead started taking down phone numbers from our phone bill, etc. I didn't come up with anything, but do wish I had followed him to the gym and just watched to see if anything was going on. It seemed like he was paying extra attention to how he looked when he went there. He had all the same symptoms that you are describing above and our whole life changed during that period. I never confronted him with that, wish now that I had, as we have really lost our connection and things aren't very good. We have grown so far apart. I asked him recently, the past 2 months what was happening during that time, he said that he didn't even remember it and he didn't know. He said, that he could have been depressed over my back pain and our lack of traveling, which he thought we would do more of when he retired. I don't think it's a valid reason, still don't know why? I really don't think that an A was going on, but think he blamed me for his life at that point, which is ironic, since he screwed ours up 23 yrs. ago.
I know their are marital up's and downs, but I would check whatever you can to see if anything is going on, before I would talk to him about it, because if their is something going on, he will just cover it up better. That's just my suggestion. I wish you the best of luck and pray that he's just going through a phrase and nothing is going on.
I agree that you should follow up on these feelings. A heart to heart is one way, although you may not feel that you can trust the response you'll get from that. Another thing you can consider is some detective work, looking for the clues that you now know to look for.
Because betrayal often results in a post-traumatic reaction, you could be responding to a coincidence, or innocent situation just because you're so much more sensitive. This has happened to me. However, you should check by all means necessary to assure yourself that there is no infidelity. It would be a loving response for your husband to understand this need.
