This is the first time I am posting....I do not know where to even begin...this damn story is way to long and pathetic. I have been battling his attitude way to long. He has made great strides in a lot of things but something (cannot pinpoint it) is not right...one of those things is my husband's inability to let go of a friendship....here is the back story.....my husband owes this friend a lot of money and that is why I have tried to be tolerant...however, lately I have lost my patience. No, he does not go out with this guy ( although who knows really because my husband could be lying).....but and this is a huge BUT...... my husband and this friend had both of their mistresses rooming together in New York City! This 'friend' took out his mistress and my husband's mistress many times....they would fly the girls all over the country and they all traveled together. Let me add , his friend who is 53 well his mistress is 30 years younger and from Russia. His affair started when this girl was at the time 20... My husband's ,who is 47, his mistress was 17 years younger and from Poland. My husband's mistress had immigration issues and my husband even paid for a lawyer to try to make her legal. My husband's friend was married at the time of his affair also but is now separated.
This whole thing makes me sick because my husband ended up crashing and burning his whole life. We are losing our house and going bankrupt and his supposed friend sat back and watched it happen...why? Cause he had a buddy that was in to the same stuff as he was.,
really am upset that my husband will not stop....and he thinks I need to deal with it.
I'm so sorry you are having to go thru this.
It sounds as tho your gut is trying to tell you something, because you say something is not quite right. When my gut is telling me something, I listen. My gut has never been wrong - even when they claim that it is. Eventually the truth is made known.
As far as your h. and this "friend", I don't blame you for not wanting your h. to be around him. In my opinion anyone who contribted to the affair, just as the OW is cut out with no contact, so the same should be done with this so-called friend. I see nothing wrong with drawing the line in the sand and telling your h. that the friendship is over. You will need to decide what you are going to do if he does cross that line.
Naturally I think your h. will argue that the friendship can't be ended as long as the money is owed. But that is something that can be worked out thru a 3rd party.
Maybe you have already done this, but I would question him as to why he feels it is okay for him to stay in a friendship with a man who contributed to his adultery? I would ask him why he feels it is wrong of you to want this friendship to end? And that if he wants this marriage to work - why does he think it will work as long as this friendship continues. Seriously S, I would throw it back on him - make him defend his actions, instead of making you defend yours. Does that make sense?
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