A day in the life of a podiatric student

My diary...it all ended too quickly. I guess I couldn't be a podiatry student forever...

First Day: Ahhh...my good friend Dr. Ollie, with his ample connections and clout at the prestigious podiatric medical school that I had always dreamed of attending has just written the most thought provoking, passionate and forceful letter of recommendation that I've ever seen. I know that I could have used this letter to enter any medical school of my choice (owing to my 4.0 GPA, my 43V on the MCAT and the immeasurable respect that podiatry commands at all medical schools). I decided, like so many before me, to do the smart thing and enter podiatry school. You know, the hours are great, the lifestyle is unmatched and you can even do surgery!

Goodbye Stanford Medical School! See ya UCSF! I just got into the best medical school this side of Uranus. I'm goin' to the California Institute of Podiatry....or...the Golden State School of Mycotic...of...well....all I know is that it's affiliated with one of the best, if not THE best, vocational colleges in the Western Hemisphere. AND I GOT ACCEPTED!!!!

1st year: Wow! Those first year courses were sure challenging, particularly when a lot of them were taught by people who never taught a class before. I guess they did that so we'd try extra hard. Good thing I was a science tutor in college or I NEVER would have gotten through physiology! I have to say, though, the best part of the first year was going down to the bars and waiting for the chickies to ask me what I did. I felt so proud to say, "I'm a MEDICAL student"! They'd ask, "UCSF?" "Stanford"?. I'd say (with modesty, mind you) "Nope". "I go to the East Bay School of...I mean...the Associated Podiatry Surgical Ankle Fusion..." "Ahh, heck. I'm a foot doctor student"! Man! Did they ever respect me then! It was like shooting fish in a barrel! I'm tellin' ya, as soon as you let the cat out of the bag and let them know that you're going to be a podiatrist....well, I don't need to tell you! Chicks dig foot guys.

Summer Break: Volunteered at the homeless shelter and cut about 75-80 pounds of gryphotic fungal debris. Whew! That sure works up a sweat! It was so rewarding to know that these guys could now walk the streets with impunity (and a mild stench). It also felt good to know that I was training to be the #1 specialist in toenail cutting. I was thinking that I couldn't wait to get more training and, eventually, get one of those "double action" nail cutters. Man, that would be sweet! That'd be few years off, yet... While I sat on a chair in the corner of the homeless center with this filthy homeless guy's foot (I mean, sweet, innocent homeless person's foot) on my thigh, I peeked over at the poor slobs who were 1st years at UCSF. God, how I pitied them! I couldn't help but think that they were getting shafted on their education as I was learning so much about my future specialty at such a rapid pace! And so early, too! They didn't even know what kind of doctor they wanted to be! Man, I would hate that kind of situation where you would go through medical school without a clue as to what you were going to end up doing. Oh well, I guess they didn't know about the podiatry option. Their loss. Made me feel so good that I decided to forego MD school!

2nd year: More classes! And some of these were taught by former students at the school who were now DPM's! Talk about relevant! It's great to have that perspective on immunology and infectious disease from an actual foot doctor! We even had several lectures on dermatology from a DPM. Who would know more about dermatology on the foot and ankle than a DPM? Oh, and we also began to see patients! I can say that my tuition was well spent. I saw about 1 or 2 patients a week, but every one of them (well, both of them) had either really thick calluses or really thick toenails! And, sometimes I even got to cut them on my own!!! Once, I had a guy who had a diabetic ulcer. Everyone was knocking down my door to get their stabs in! That was great. That one diabetic ulcer lasted me the whole year.

2nd Summer Break: Partied. Found more chickies who ogled me after hearing of my "medical student" status. This time I left out the podiatry part because I couldn't keep up with the ones from the first year!!

3rd year: More classes! Those poor saps at Stanford and UCSF are losing sleep rotating through hospitals and even staying over night on call! Hah!! Their brains are so scrambled with all of those diseases, modalities of treatment, constant shifting of body areas and organ systems! As a podiatry student, it isn't necessary for me to do these crazy things. I did have to stay overnight twice during my "surgical rotation", but it wasn't too bad. I didn't get to acutually DO any surgery, but I did get to sleep in a bed with the awesome responsibility of having to call the resident on call should the patient need anything like a Tylenol or sleep aid. I also got to go to a nearby hospital during my 3rd year and cut more nails. I'm tellin' ya, by the time I finish my 3rd year, I think I'm going to be at least half way there on the nail cutting proficiency!! Oops! I almost forgot! I "rotated" through a hospital with an internal medicine resident who told us every thing he knew about the 2 patients he had in 15 minutes. We got to do this 4 times! Awesome! After that, I thought, "that's enough internal medicine for me!"

Summer Break: More chickies!!

4th year: Well, I got to go on some cool externships. I actually got to choose some of them. I did luck out and got to do 8 months of podiatry (ingrown nails were now added!). The other 4 months were OK. It wasn't podiatry, but I did get to observe some other students and residents do their kind of medicine. I just don't get it! Why don't more people know about podiatry? The foot's the best part of the body and I know the more time I can spend pondering the foot and ankle, the better podiatrist I'll be.

GRADUATION! My school worked so hard to put us through our didactic and clinical portions that they didn't have enough money to have a junior dinner or much of a graduation. They did think enough to buy us some really cool doctor bags that had our names etched on them! Come to think of it, we did pay for those...oh well, it'll be cool to carry it around to show the chickies. Graduation was held in a building that was sort of cool. The best part was the excellent middle school band who played all kinds of inspirational music. I guess the school REALLY spent our money on our fantastic educations!

Residency awaits!