MIKE H. IS SO RIGHT !! So DEAD ON !!!
Thank god I paid attention to Mike's advice
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I just had my first measurement with Di Di,
the recommended ToPlace Sylist in New York
City ....
And I GOT TO TELL YA ... IT WAS AN EXPERIENCE
..... TOTALLY AWESOME ... MINDBLOWING !!!
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Here's the blow-by-blow details ...
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First, I entered the street-level Salon
Vitale off New York's prestigious Fifth Avenue ...
Immediately at the door, I was gently man-handled
by two elegantly-muscled, young, physically perfect
specimens of Greek achitecture come to life,
clad in gladiator type armoured garments with very
very large cod-pieces ... who took me by the arm and
led me to a hidden chamber at the back of the salon.
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I WAS SCARED !!
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Eeeeh gatz . ..I gotta tell ya ....I was so darn
startled while visions of 'Deliverance and Ned Beatty
flashed through my brain ... that both butt-cheeks
squeezed tight and puckered up .....
I passed through a flowing golden satin curtin
which were parted by this lovely, taut, brown-skinned,
nubile virgin, with tongue-dropping, openly exposed
cleavage, tanned muscular legs and the most alluring
kissable mouth and lips ...
With a voice that could make an American Bull Moose mount
a German Shepherd's hind legs .. She whispered sensually
and softly in my ear with a breath so warm I'm sure it
could melt my Uncle Charlie's one good glass eye ...
'Follow me ... the madam will see you shortly !"
I was gently guided into a soft, velvety like chair ...
so warm ... so comfortable ... so womb-like .. Yep Bill .
now I know why you kept it to yourself for so long ...
A beautiful woman in a black veil .....mysteriously
appeared behind my chair and gently massaged my temples as
she nestled my head between the twin towers of Mount Helena
.. and at the same time two Eurasian goddesses .. dressed
in the skimpiest ... of what I imagined from this forum ...was french lace ...... and they started slowly
rubbing oils on my arms ......
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BILL H. ... JUST LIKE YOU DESCRIBED !!
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Bill ...THIS WAS INCREDULOUS ... My blood pressure was
high enough to blow the last MacDonald's Cheeseburger
I ate out through an aorta ......
A scared thought immediately popped up in my brain at
that moment as I nervously felt my pants pocket ..
I looked up at the veiled woman and nervously uttered ....
"Maaaaaaammmm.....I only have 70 bucks on me ..... !"
She asked me a strange look upon her brow
... "Why had I come here !"
I said, "To be measured for the furry muskrat, Which
will be placed upon my head, so that little childen would
not be blinded by the dome of my near naked cranium and
run in terror in the light of the new moon. Rendered
impotent for the rest of their lives"
It was then that I realized .... I had gone in the
WRONG DOOR !!! Salon Vitale was the NEXT DOOR !!!
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YOU KNOW YOU WANNA !!!
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But I betcha a few of you guys were reaching into your
pocket while you were reading this ...... counting
your change ....checking to see if ya had 70 bucks in
your pocket and enough gas to whiz
on over to DiDi's Place in New York ....
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Okay ... here's how it really went down ....
At the salon .. the owner of Salon Vitale offers
you a choice of refreshments.. or wine (if you want it) ....
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DiDi washed the last sticky remnants of prothik,
toppick and some cheesecake a drunk blonde I met
the night before, who in a fit of sneezing, blew chunks
of her cake across the table right into my hair gel ...
at the 24 hour Greek diner ... out of my remaining hairs.
and then DiDi whipped out a yellow cloth tape ... and
began to measure my cranium ..
What happened next ...Maybe she was recreating some
hot fantasy out of a tupperware dream she had, but
she started wrapping my head in saran wrap.
Now .. growing up near Little Italy New York City,
whenever a mob guy covered your head in Saran Wrap,
it meant the Union had just cancelled your retirement
fund ... so I was scared ...
She drew all kinds of hieroglyphics on the saran
wrap fiddling with a Texas Instruments physics calculator
... speaking that language they only speak on the
Siberian front ... and when she was finished ...
She explained to me how wonderful and changed my life
would soon become with hair .....
(I might even have a shot with the veiled princess
in the room next door .. with my new Toplace
handsome locks and of course, a woman's most prized
aphrodisciat ... a Black American Express Card) ...
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JUST THE FACTS
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The Price .. yep .. 75 bucks ... But Di Di works on
a percentage .. This very very hi-rent hair salon makes
the bulk of the change ... so in reality ...
DiDi probably doesn't make a heck of a whole lot.
For 70 bucks a month, if you want it, you can come
in and she'll clean, readjust, recolor, cut your real
hair, and have the blind girl from the Braille Library
next door, come in and tell you how darn handsome
you look.
Now ... I was ordering 6 cans of prothik a month for
like 89 bucks and mailing ... so to me ... this is a
bargain .... I just have to learn to enter the right
door next time.
And it is sometimes scarey to read the Toplace back
posts on this forum and how some of you are using all
kinds of farm implements, medieval torture devices,
glues, gels and somewhat satanic practices to get
your 'little hairy friend' to co-operate and perch on
top ....in just the right position that says ...
"Hey ..Look at me ... and how natural do I look"
and that's okay and good ...
but if I had the choice between a nice, tempting
Russian woman running her fingers through my
hair (even if it isn't mine) ... muttering ... ooh
baby .....
compared to ....
Heading down to the local Lowes Lumber Yard and running
a Weedwhacker across my Cerebellum ...close enough to
cause extreme testicular damage ... just to tame
down those testy sideburns ... well ...
...call me a spend thrift ... but at Toplaces prices ...
compared to the REST OF THE INDUSTRY ... we certainly
can be a little extravagant.
I just talked to my friend, a retired police captain
whose been wearing a piece for 38 years ... He pays 2500
for it .... I told him I'm taking the plunge, mailed in
my order for two 'Wiley Cayote' pieces .. and for what he
tips his regular barber ... he can try on of Toplaces's
hair pieces ... and if he likes it ... can take me out
for the most Expensive Stuffed Twin Lobsters in town with
the money he saved ....
Yep .. that's my story and I'm stick to it ...
Now ... I have to get to work .... John may be invoicing
me shortly !
P.S. Excuse the typos ... My proofreader doesn't speak
a word of English.
