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I was just diagnosed with this yesterday and started on Zoloft, an SSRI. I'm very nervous about taking it. I had a hysterectomy four years ago but kept my ovaries, so though I don't have a period, I definitely have an ovulation cycle. For two weeks I have freedom in which I am happy, secure, content and excited about life. I have a new apartment of my own, a job that while not perfect -- it is a bit stressful at times with discussions of lay offs -- is at least enjoyable and pays the bills, I have an adorable nine year old daughter I love spending time with and a fantastic boyfriend who is the utter love of my life. He lives 1000 miles away at the moment, and my daughter I see every other weekend. I have time to do things on my own, and time to spend with family. It's great. Unfortunately come the end of the month I start in with a headache and it spirals out of control from there and into the beginning of the month. My mood swings are tremendous, from anger to tears, depression, anxiety... For example, things that never bother me much with the distance in our relationship because we've very close at heart will suddenly seem to leave me insecure and questioning if he loves me or wants to be around me. Heck, -I- don't want to be around me when I get like this. My daughter's first weekend of the month with me falls during this time. I don't want to go anywhere, do anything, and the little things will irritate me extremely. I struggle to never yell at her, and seem to only accomplish it by hiding away and letting her play with her dolls or computer games while I hide on my computer getting angry at the world. I broke down crying in front of my boss last month. This month has been more of a nightmare with my relationship. Now, to his credit, I have a very understanding boyfriend who though he doesn't like dealing with this, loves me anyway. But I feel like I am smothering him and stressing him out when I am like that. Two days ago I was in tears, crying myself to sleep. Yesterday and today, I feel normal again as that time is passing. It's insanity. I finally had to get help. Now, I have endometriosis, IBS and FMS is suspected. I know that there are problems that increase in all of these things with my cycle. I hurt more, the IBS feels out of control and adds to pain, and even with all of that, it is my -moods- that are bothering me the most. I can handle pain. I've had pain all of my life. But the mood swings and all of this seem to just get worse. I was suicidal at one point during my marriage and was on Paxil at that time. I hope the Zoloft works better.
I'm just tired of losing control. I'm tired of breaking down crying or walking out of jobs. But I'm so nervous about taking the SSRI drugs. I do plan to change my diet and everything. The last two months I have been back at my job, and eating more refined sugars and foods, and the PMDD has been a lot worse.
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