except for the husband and kids part, i thought i was reading my own dazy-crazy days there.
i may not know the exact intensity of your emotions and confusion, but i know, i know what you mean.
i've been separated from my husband for over a year now. at first i thought the self-flagellation was pure guilt --- i didn't try harder at my marriage, i left in a huff, i was so selfish.
but when the pattern became apparent, i knew it was hormonal.
now my new relationship is in shambles. during my crazy days, i get yes, paranoid and accusatory. i put bad meaning into everything he does and says, and into the things that he doesn't do or say. i drive him crazy and together, we make such an awful mess. we say things we don't mean and end up worse than when we started.
it gets so bad, i've wished for death a countless times.
then it's time for the sane days. whew!
i used to be cheerful, outgoing, in-control and confident of msyelf. but now, all that is just a memory. i've changed so much and the bad part is, it's for worse. i'm mistrustful, fearful, insecure. my friends would not believe it when i tell them about my raw side.
i want so badly to get out of this rut. i'm a sucker of 'life is too short and precious' mantra. i know i'm wasting my life away, wasting opportunities, wasting special relationships all because of my hormones...
i'm ready to take prozac!
but there are a whole lot of other things i could explore...vitamins, good diet, exercise, yoga and prayer, lots of it. so now, i'm resolute to do just that. it's my first day today! i hope i remember my determination now and carryon even in the crazy days.
good luck to all of us...
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