When I was in America staying with my girlfriend, after we had sex on the first night (and my foreskin retracted) it wouldn't go back over the head, and eventually swelled up a lot. It looked like a breathing sac on a frog. You know.

Anyway, it got worse, and I hoped it would get better, so we went to a doctor who said that I'd have to go to the ER and get the swelling cut, or maybe even have a complete circumcision. When I did go to the ER, a doctor came in and pulled it back with his hands, but he recommended a circumcision.

I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to get my cock cut, and I don't want it to swell again either.

Anyone have advice?

The advice is to start stretching that tight part on the foreskin. Here are some ideas:

http://pages.suddenlink.net/manual_methods/phimosis.html

Circumcision is a favorite remedy of the ones doing the cutting. Only they benefit, for whatever reason, usually monetarily.

Was this the first time you had intercourse? Did you have problems with intercourse? How long did it last - was that unusual? What have you been doing in the past? How indeed, do you masturbate?

Just what is your "history" of retracting your foreskin?

I'm not sure whether your pseudonym is supposed to indicate your age, or not!

I do understand the description of paraphimosis as "like a breathing sac on a frog". It's called "oedema" - swelling with essentially clear fluid.

I think you need to learn form your experience. You didn't know what to do, the first doctor didn't either, but the other did (even if his subsequent advice was either stupid or self-serving). You simply grab the skin immediately behind the tight part, on either side using both hands, and you pull it forward over the swollen part - the same way you might choose to remove a "pullover". You just keep pulling until it slips over (some lubrication may help - clearly no problem if you've just had intercourse!).

It goes without saying that you need to stretch the opening in your foreskin to make things work better, but I would be interested in some more detail to figure out just why this happened in your case?

Hi!

This wasn't my first time, no. But all the times prior to that I swelled up to - just not to the same extent. My foreskin went back over the head and it went a bit puffy. And that's it.

My screen name doesn't indicate my age, no: I'm 23, actually.

See, I'm disabled, which makes sex and masturbation hard for me. I have something called Friedreich's Ataxia, which makes my nerves send weak messages to my limbs. My legs are extremely weak and my arms are better, though shaky. I haven't came while having sex, nor have I came when she has gone down on me. I don't know why this is. I can understand why I don't come during sex, as it's very tiring for me, but I can' see why I don't with a blow job. She usually does it with the foreskin retracted... it's really hard to retract it and it hurts a bit...

I masturbate while lying on my stomach and rubbing my penis against the bed. I usually put a pillow under my thighs so... well, you get the picture.

I can't masturbate normally, and I don't know if that's because of the tight foreskin or not.

When my penis is flaccid, it's no problem retracting it - is that normal for phimosis? When it's erect, I can retract it too, but it's very tight and it hurts, and the head of the penis is very, very sensitive - I assume this is normal.

So, when people with foreskins - or phimosis - have sex, do they retract the foreskin, or leave it as it is?

Thanks.

Thanks for the info. That helps us to get a better picture.

I suspect that with most intact men, the foreskin retracts during sex. In some, it glides back and forth, and this might be the most desirable situation because of the interaction of the nerves inside the foreskin and at its opening, with those on the glans.

For many, the foreskin stays retracted behind the sulcus, staying there until the erection subsides. Sex for them is similar to that of circumcised men except for much more sensitivity in the glans.

I believe you should work on getting your own foreskin to retract without much resistance when you have an erection. While it is somewhat common to find your situation among men, as you attest, it brings discomfort, and that's not how sex should be about.

Not being sure what you are really asking, I'll tell you that some men find their foreskins retracting automatically with the onset of erections, while others must manually retract them. These are considered normal variations.

I urge you to work on that tight spot which causes the resistance.

Well now, that is a different "kettle of fish"!

There are a lot of matters to address here. Clearly you have limited dexterity and power; I am wondering whether your inability to "masturbate normally" is basically due to inability to develop enough pressure and speed to effectively stroke your foreskin with your hand(s).

"Humping" the bed presumably provides more pressure (though not as much speed as you have to move your whole body), particularly on the underneath of the glans, which tends to be the most sensitive part. Presumably, actual intercourse restricts the amount of force you can apply (with comfort, to your girlfriend) and gives a different focus to the pressure on your penis.

It is often suggested that various habits developed in masturbation may make it more difficult to "come" either from other styles of masturbation or indeed, intercourse.

I'd like to know a few more details - whether your girlfriend is in fact able to have you come by way of a "hand job" - the "standard" mode of masturbation? Also, what do you do to pleasure her (with a view to having her "come") - what can you do effectively? Has she been able to come during intercourse?

I think your girlfriend is key in this respect - you are going to need a bit of somewhat more specific help from her. Are you presently living with her? If you have manipulative difficulty with the stretching procedures we describe here, it seems to me that you will actually need her to do it with you. To what extent have you discussed all this with her? No point whatever keeping secrets or matters unsaid. Have you directed her to this site?

A few concepts for you to consider: What you describe about your tight foreskin (let's ignore terms such as "phimosis") is indeed absolutely normal. And of course your glans is sensitive - it's supposed to be and you want it to be so that you can "come" with reasonable ease. As I frequently, point out, it's much the same as your girlfriend's clitoris which is normally hidden and very sensitive - what can you observe about that?

In fact, your glans (penis head) is not really supposed (nor is your girlfriend's) to be touched/ stroked dry, but only when lubricated. And I'll tell you the secret about oral sex (what I presume you mean by a "blow job") - saliva isn't a good lubricant and the mouth isn't well designed to stimulate a penis - it has teeth for one thing, and although that may be the most sensitive part, the tongue is only effective in stimulating the underneath of the penis (unless of course, you do it "69"-style).

In addition, your head is rather heavy and so is your girlfriend's. The women in many societies carry heavy jugs on their heads, but very few are well practiced in moving their head rapidly back and forward for more than a few seconds - it just doesn't work for oral sex. So, if you are acquainted with pornography (which is by no means a reliable reference point for sexual facts but ...) you may have noted that in order for the fellow to ejaculate, it is necessary for the penis to be stroked - in effect a "hand job" - to stimulate the corona (and frænulum) as well as whatever the woman is doing with her mouth. Any "thrusting" with her head is brief and largely for theatrical effect!

Clearly, when you have stretched your foreskin so it is no longer tight (and likely, your frænulum as well) you will have comfortable foreskin mobility and it will do "as it pleases" or offer you more options. In the meantime, at the very minimum you need to have your girlfriend practiced at not only retracting your foreskin, but pulling it forward again so that you do not need any trips to the doctor to do it for you!