If you have "already stopped using harsh soaps on it to clean", I trust that means you are not using any
soap on it or anything that resembles soap. There is no "good soap/ bad soap" here, it is the thing that soap does (removing the oil from the skin) that is the problem, albeit extra ingredients such as perfumes can make the problem worse.
You (or your ladyfriend) may have some misconceptions - they are common enough - about fellatio (oral sex performed on the male genitals). It is not
automatically an "easy" thing to perform, clearly women do not have the same genital structure and therefore do not naturally have an understanding of what is practical, what is pleasant and so on, just as men may not
presume automatic prowess at pleasuring a woman (by whatever means).
In short, if she is doing it wrong
then you will have to explain
to her what the problem is (even if she imagines
that she "knows what she is doing" or is "experienced" - which would in itself be something of some concern!)
Look, I do not make a point of being critical about what you choose to do sexually with a partner; I know what my
precepts are and how they relate to my Christian faith, but that faith is not based on making rules for people to follow. It is up to you to determine what significance you place on "virginity", because it only has meaning to you and your partner. Commitment - particularly lifetime and exclusive commitment - is actually far more important (and closer to the values which the Bible teaches, for that matter).
What you have to bear in mind, is the implications on your relationship, and the likelihood that this relationship will be permanent. If it proves not
to be permanent, then there are implications on the one hand for how what you do now affects the closeness of a future, potentially permanent relationship, and the medical aspect - whether what you do has a potential for transmission (and spread) of sexually-transmitted diseases. Whilst oral sex is arguably safer
than vaginal intercourse, one should not presume it to be "totally safe" in any respect! This is at least part of the reason Jim "calls" you on such definitions - trust you understand the classic "Clinton" quip.