Hi to everyone,

I recently began a sexual relationship with a girl, and noticed that my time to ejaculation was rather small, to my standards. To clarify, I'm not circumcised, but had a partial longitudinal preputial section when I was 11, probably to treat a mild form of phimosis (I was never told exactly by the doc, as we moved immediately after - I only remember the pain).

By masturbating, it takes me anywhere from 3 to 6 minute to ejaculate, and, during intercourse, much less, sometimes less than a minute. I admit that I'm already pretty "hot" when intromissing, as we rub on each other. Frequently, I become so sensitive during (firm) rubbing that it happened for me to ejaculate without intromission after a few minutes. I have some problems making an deep emotional connection with her, as she cheated on me more than one time, but I feel it's not the only factor; when we "do it", I don't consciously think about her past behavior but concentrate on the present moment, and I had the same time to ejaculation during masturbation before the events anyway. The only partially effective ways I found to counter this tendancy is either to masturbate before an anticipated encounter (one or two times), and keep my boxers on, and caressing each other instead (She asks it to me for a different reason, not to get sperm on her). I also loosely followed Kegel's exercises for about a month and a half, but it didn't seemed to provide any great benefit.

I wondered if it may be linked to what I think is a frenulum breve condition. For illustration, go to the English Wikipedia for that term. Although mine doesn't seem as severe as the one depicted, I feel great discomfort during intercourse with condom on (not tried without, as she's not on the pill - too much side-effects for her small frame); indeed, the discomfort I experience is so that I can't properly feel when I'm in her, either by changes of pressure around the glans or temperature changes. The best I can describe my glans is that it points a bit downward while in erection, and its "edge" sits approximately at right angle from the proximal penis (see Wikipedia illustration). Sometimes, during harder rubbing, I feel some pain under the glans where the frenulum is, as well as a moderate but noticeable kind of "half-ring" at the base of the exposed glans, on the top side of the penis, where the retracted partial foreskin lies. As she tried other means to please me with her hands, more than one time I asked her to stop because it was too painful. If that matters, instead of being relatively flush with the penile shaft, the glans edges at its widest point are larger than the shaft. I also wonder, since I don't have what would be called "pornstar penile length", that I won't be able to properly stimulate her G-point. Some positions are impossible for us, since I don't have a great length and the downward-pointing glans only adds to the problem.


Needless to say that I'm not getting much pleasure either masturbating (too quick to climax) or with her (too painful and too quick to climax), and I'm willing to bet that she doesn't take much pleasure in at least half of our encounters.


Are these two conditions really what I think? More importantly, what are the treatments available, and what are the costs, if any? I live in Quebec City, where there's public medical insurance, but since it's not health-threatening, I'm not sure it's covered. A friend of mine with the PE problem admitted using a "retardant" cream, which is correct with a condom, but not without as it's equally retardant in both sexes.

Unless you're fifty or sixty something, the time you take is actually within normal bounds. I think you need to spend less time thinking about how little time it takes and spend more time of pleasuring your partner. The mind has a tremendous control over what is taking place, and when you think about it too much, what you think of will happen.


Fix the frenulum problem yourself through stretching. I suggest reviewing several of the previous threads to get an idea of what is working for other guys. Forget seeking medical help. Relief is easily attained in about the same amount of time it would take to recover from any surgery.

In fact, while chatting with a friend over the net, he told me that one day he broke his frenulum masturbating too hard. What he remembers best is not the abundant bleeding, but the atrocious pain he felt, although he was under heavy influence from alcohol, so likely already quite numb.

I haven't timed myself for this, and it may be a bit less. Being in total control as in masturbation is not the same as having to please another person, which may have other preferences. What I really dislike however is that my pain really interferes with what pleasure I can give and feel.

I'll check the timing but it sure will be awkward to do in such a situation where on has to be on the same timeframe as a given partner, rather than be "in the norm". I'm not 50 BTW, but 24.

Timing your encounters and worrying about results will only worsen the problem. You're 24! If you go off too quickly, repeat the act. If the problem continues, you may need to consider a new partner. The dynamics between you don't sound exactly healthy. Sex should not be about control, nor should any part of a relationship.

If there is pain from the frenulum, concentrate on fixing it. The rule is very simple: In absence of disease, skin and other tissues will grow when put under tension for sufficient time. Your frenulum is programed with this rule, so your job is to provide the tension in order that it may respond. In whatever manner you find achievable, apply tension to the frenulum to a point short of pain. Keep that tension applied for no fewer than five minutes each time, and repeat at least one more time each and every day. When you pee, take time to grasp the bottom end of your foreskin to pull it out away from your body an hold it there as long as you can.

Look, I really have to ask you - did you actually read this recent thread before posting, because it would seem to address your question regarding "premature ejaculation" exactly? Please read it and consider my comments there to be the basis of my explanations.

You must of course allow that not every title here is entirely accurate and the discussions frequently deviate from the original topic, sometimes quite dramatically. For that reason, I always explain the need to read many (i.e., dozens) of the threads before you post, and to use the search engine to find older ones which will generally be every bit as relevant as the recent (which is to say, we end up going over "old ground" again and again ...).

You have already discovered what I previously referred to as the "traditional" treatment which I have always recommended for PE and am pleased to find that this is recommended practice according to the "experts" - or at least one of the simpler, not necessarily entirely effective, options. Granted all the other points that I made in that other thread, you may actually be in the "minute" group that would benefit from an SSRI if you can find a doctor with the relevant competence to prescribe it.

I must say the constellation of things you mention about this young lady - "cheating" on you, dislike of contact with semen, purported "problems" with the OCP (should be using Implanon®) - makes, well, a fascinating picture! There are at least two good reasons why you need to use condoms in all circumstances, let alone that whatever discomfort you experience with the condoms would necessarily be worse without.

It does sound as if you have considerable anxiety about (during) your sexual encounters. As before, and as Jim points out, you need more of a "slow down and smell the roses" attitude to this. It would indeed be advisable to largely ignore your own sexual expectations/ experiences and focus on her pleasure, realising that intercourse - the bit with the penile thrusting - has very little to do with her excitement (and since the vagina is mostly insensitive to touch, said anaesthetic creams applied to the glans, do not actually matter if a little is in the vagina; what matters is that they simply do not work as the problem is not the "sensitivity" of the penis).

And yes, if you think you have a short frænulum, then do the stretches as we have described. If you think that you have a short penis, cancel your Internet account!

Well hehe that's true that I'm being stressed in the current timeframe, either because of university issues, relationship issues, money issues (very badly indebted), and anxiety, of course.... So bad that I have a hard time "letting go"; what I feel only contributes to the problem is her constantly working from 6 AM to 8 PM, 6 days a week; the few moments we can get together are probably not long enough to really relax. That's why we probably don't take as much time as would be required to let the pleasure come by itself, and both of us are . I guess our encounters are a bit on the forced sides.

Oh well, I'm an optimistic and things may eventually settle down if I can avoid drowning in debt and move to another appartment with her on a small but steady revenue. See, many "under the belt" problems are seldom isolated from other spheres of life.


As for my penile size, I know that it's still in the mean, and size isn't as much important as the manner I use it. But guys being what they are, I would gldly accept one or two more centimeters is that wouldn't imply any ill side-effect. In fact... having a fitted condom is sexier, and now, I don't use the "magnum" ones! Oh well, surveys found that the average penile length was 15 to 16 cm. There I found that I'm the lower quartile.


As far as the PE part is concerned, I indeed read that topic. If the "traditional" treatment is indeed "purging" oneself before doing it, I still feel it's impractical. I would also rather avoid any real medicine treatment as these are 1- costly 2- not a durable solution, as removal of the medicine is likely to give a rebound, worsening the issue. Moreover, as I study in neuropsychiatry, I'm well aware that most nervous system medicine intended to solve an issue somewhere will surely cause issue elsewhere, namely, for SSRI, somnolence, which I really don't need. I should also lower my daily consumption of caffeine, which revolves at around 6 cups per day, and sleep more, if ever I can work less for the same results. I'm conscious that my lifestyle isn't best suited to pleasure, but can't change it right now unless by abandoning any kind of studies. However, is SSRI would be the best and only treatment available, should I talk first to a sexologist? Or a family doctor?

You have a point when it comes to penile sensitivity: even as I feel pain, it doesn't stops myself to ejaculate; it's, really, a reflex. It would also answer why circumcised men have the same rate as PE (or a slightly higher one) as normal ones. I think I'm a bit more oriented toward her pleasure, but the pain calls me back to reality.

I understand that two minutes is supposed to be in the normal range, but so many studies are stating so widely different numbers that it's really hard to know who's in the right. But as I've written, I've not timed myself precisely, and that it's really not easy to do in such a situation. Repeating the act is do-able in a masturbation context, as material is always available, day and night (lol); I just lose interest during the refractory period, nd obviously can't do that easily at the lab! (- What are you doing you gross...? -No, I'm treating myself!) But repeating it with my partner is


For the phimosis / frenulum breve part, I'm able to retract without issue when flaccid, but have a hard tome doing it erect, unless my glans is properly lubricated; I can force it, though, but it's really painful in the frenulum. Well, I can do stretching exercises two times a day for a total of 10 minutes, if that solves the great discomfort; however, I had the same penis-glans angle for many years now, and I'm not sure of the success of the method. Should I do it flaccid or erected? I may not remain erected without a proper stimulation, especially when it's really painful.


I will talk to her about Implanon, but she's unlikely to even consider it, as she hate surgery and had a bad experience with anaesthetics already. Changing partners would be an option is 1- girls were a consumable object 2- I hadn't any attachment to her. I guess the most durable way to solve the problem would be living a less stressful life, but this isn't going to happen next month, so... Anxiety is not likel to wear off if I go on the "market" for another one, since I don't have that much self-confidence (everything is linked)

If you're having difficulty retracting with erections, the foreskin opening itself is probably still too tight and may need some work on it. That alone will alliviate a lot of pain. As far as stretching, whatever works, do it. I personally thing you'll be able to get a better grip in the flaccid state, but you'll know best when you try it.

... it is difficult to bear in mind that your initial objective was to drain the swamp. Clearly you, as we do, have a busy lifestyle. Now as to what you can do about that, well, that would no doubt require quite an involved discussion - beyond the scope of this mere forum.

Nevertheless, you clearly cannot let that limit you at this or indeed, any point. We just have to work around everything in our busy lifestyles, correcting what we can and making corrections for what we cannot. Not that I credit him with being the ultimate authority on such matters (he clearly is not), John Gray in his most recent epistle, "Why Mars & Venus Collide" has quite astute observations and plausible advice on exactly the common (yea, universal?) domestic situation you describe.

Broadly speaking, you need to have realistic expectations of each other and realise that is isn't a matter of (as males do tend to focus on) "technique" but rather of communicating, most particularly being receptive to her perceptions which I venture to say, you quite likely have not been to this point, but rather working on your own presumption of what she "should" want, if that is, she actually thought in the same terms as yourself, which she pretty likely does not at all!

Well of course the lady giving the lecture I mentioned was in fact, a "sexologist" and in fact. a doctor. That said, I can't strictly speak for exactly who you should consult because I do not know what a "sexologist" constitutes in your area nor do I or would I expect it to be easy for you to know what expertise Family Doctors would (individually) posses in your area, though my bias would (rather predictably) be toward them. But I do feel that the medication should not be your first or early resort.

I see your point regarding who to believe, but my own experiences would tend to concur with the sexologist (who ought to know) that two minutes really is the average or modal figure. If you did not read it from me before, then I will repeat it - essentially nothing you may observe in pornography, will be of any validity or value in what we call Real Life. And if you are a student then you certainly should have a facility for carefully evaluating the veracity of "studies" you may encounter.

Your reference to "available material" in association with masturbation, when you are discussing "PE", disturbs me greatly, as it implies a particularly unhealthy form of conditioning which I might well suspect to be substantially contributing to the very problem(s) you describe. I would prefer a much more "honest" approach to your relationship(s) where your stimulation is based on what is real and "now" rather than how you wish to "switch it on" - and off. If your intention is to prepare yourself for an experience with your ladyfriend, then she should be strictly involved with the "preparation"; if you are going to masturbate to delay your subsequent ejaculation, then it should be with her if not by her. If indeed you "lose interest" in the process, so be it - be honest, and use that period to focus instead on what things are of concern to her - it's actually not a bad idea at all for you to be thinking less of your own sexuality (and more of hers, which you need to understand more). {Part of your reply is missing at this point!}

Implanon® is pretty good stuff if one can convince people to renounce all their pre-conceived prejudices of "hormones" and the like. Not having to go through the intestine and be pre-processed by the liver eliminates a host of problems that the OCP might have, and it is the most reliable of all (because the user has virtually no responsibility in remembering it). The "surgery" to insert it involves a tiny amount of local anaesthetic (which I doubt is whatever might have cause her problems previously), and a rather large but otherwise quite conventional hypodermic injector. The response I most commonly get (well, perhaps it is the effect of my deliberate "patter" ) when it is inserted is a post-nervous giggle - "Is that it?"

I am presuming you are being ironic about the "option" of choosing another partner - clearly it would by no means improve the situation (but would instead define you as the "cheat"). Yes, our advice remains to do the stretching, learn a less "performance-focussed" view of sexual experience, and focus instead on genuine communication with your partner.