Well, one of your problems is physical, and that is readily corrected with but a little effort. As Jim recommends, I suggest you need to understand that this discussion board is in this respect more of a
resource - something like a textbook, than a "chat forum". To make use of it you need
first to do some "heavy" reading - each index page lists ten "threads"; you need to read each of these on each of at the very least, five index pages and you should really be prepared to read back much further than that.
Only when you have done this "background" reading and have actually started on the "exercises" we explain to correct your condition, will you be in a position to come back and perhaps clear up minor misunderstandings that may delay your progress. Actually doing the exercises diligently (which includes - regularly) will sort out the problem for you just fine.
Now, you have been a little short on the detail here - I know you
think you have explained your problem, but the way you put it, you have suggested certain details but not explained them. You say in particular you cannot retract your foreskin
when erect, which might imply you can when not erect (flaccid) - can you? As you
will see from reading previous explanations, this defines a reasonably important indication of the degree of your difficulty.
Also, it troubles me that you use the word "uncircumcised". We find this term rather inappropriate, as it carries a suggestion that there is something
lacking, something "missing" when of course the very opposite is the case. It is rather like referring to something as "un-destroyed" or "un-mutilated" rather than saying it is
intact or in serviceable condition. We make a point of referring instead to "being intact" or having an "intact foreskin" or "complete foreskin". We realise you live in a society where genital mutilation (referred to as "circumcision") is an aspect of a common religious practice (curiously enough, as it also is in America!
) so you need to understand that it is not actually something desirable whatsoever, but rather a perverse expression of deliberate subjugation of members of that primitive belief system.
As Jim queries, it seems you are saying that your penis when erect points directly away from your body rather than curving upward as is perhaps more common - you are suggesting it is in fact
not curved. Is this the case? Well, such a thing is firstly entirely within the confines of normal, and secondly, cannot be changed (there are surgical techniques used to correct
abnormal curvature in desperate cases, but they carry a significant risk of making matters - such as the ability to have an erection -
worse rather than better).
The point is - if your penis is indeed normal and simply points straight outward - horizontal when you are standing up, or up to the ceiling when you are lying flat, why would you
want it to be otherwise?
Many of these things - such as this last one - are a matter of how you
choose to view matters, and often you have for whatever reason, "decided" to take a certain view which is simply incorrect and unhelpful. One detail that we like to know is your (approximate)
age because not only does this give us a concept of the persistence of a given problem, but how "fixed" your concepts and expectations might be.
This is
particularly relevant to the concept of being "gay" (homosexual) because what I see happening is that young boys (under 18, or even 20 or so) who are still in the process of developing social skills, particularly the frankly difficult matter of developing relationships with the opposite sex, and who consequently have sexual experiences with other boys - which experience is
common to the extent of essentially being
normal - are regrettably exposed to the media synthesis of being "gay" and conclude that this "gay" profile fits themselves rather than admitting that they are simply - not fully socialised with girls.
This is part of a larger problem. They are inclined to look around and see others (boys) who deceptively
appear to have relationships with girls because they have "achieved" things - they have found (apparently) willing sexual partners and indeed all too frequently even become faltering
fathers in what might at the outset appear to be a true "family" situation. Regrettably, time frequently proves the lie to this as the relationships falter and shatter leaving single mothers and dispossessed fathers.
My warning therefore, not to be confused with Jim's sound advice that you seek a
genuine framework on which to construct your life, is to be very cautious about believing that you are "gay" simply because you have had certain experiences. It may well be that you do have further experiences with other fellows in a like situation, but this does not "prove" anything other than that your opportunities for relationships have - for whatever reason and I suspect you
should be able to figure it out for yourself - been limited. What you need to do is not to view it as a matter of "altering" yourself, but primarily to practice habits of reducing opportunity for the experiences of which you are not proud, and concentrating more on activities (such as Christian Church participation) where you can develop your social skills.
