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How do I get started? I'm extremely apprehensive

April 28 2010 at 6:16 PM
dan  (Login xanger)

Hello everyone,
I'm looking for some help. I'm pretty sure I have either Phimosis, Frenulum Breve, or maybe both? How do I tell which one? One thing is certain, however. My foreskin has never opened up more than 1 cm in diameter, and its truly hard to picture my foreskin retracting all the way. Where do I find the stretching exercises? There is one thing that keeps me very frightened and discouraged from the stretching exercises though: I can't make my glans touch anything because the feeling is super uncomfortable or painful to bear. I have never touched my glans in my life because of this. So even if I do find success with the stretching, I'd have to deal with another huge problem, glans sensitivity. I'm a virgin and I don't know if I'll ever be able to have sex with this pain. I also know that I have a HUGE smegma buildup on the lower parts of my glans ( i know its disgusting) and I cannot clean it right now. I try exposing my penis under the shower to clean it, but even THAT is too painful. Any advice would be greatly appreciated from, perhaps, other people who had to deal with this?

Thanks alot

 
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AuthorReply
Jim
(Premier Login jimsplacetofixthings)
Forum Owner

One day at a time

April 28 2010, 8:57 PM 

Hi Dan. Please don't let this project overcome you. If you approach it just one day at a time, the pieces to your puzzle will eventually all fall into place, and things will work out.

The smegma issue isn't anything to worry about. It's been an issue all of your life so far, so a few more days, weeks or months isn't going to hurt you. Smegma is not something disgusting unless you've been brainwashed.

The sensitivity of your glans will also sort out as your foreskin retracts. It's going to take time, so allow for that. Meanwhile, if it's too sensitive to touch, don't touch it!

As for where to find the exercises, they're within the various threads which preceed yours. Start reading to get an idea of what other guys are doing. Most likely, you'll need to do exercises for both the frenar band and the frenulum. Once you get the band opened up, you'll know more about the frenulum.

We'll work with you on this, so you aren't alone.

 
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Paul B.
(Login Paul_B.)

A few interesting ideas

April 29 2010, 6:32 AM 

... which you clearly have not encountered yet.

1} It simply does not matter in the slightest, whether you have "Phimosis", "Fr├Žnulum Breve", or both. It is perfectly reasonable to perform the stretching procedures or "exercises" for both as these are simply different aspects of a common problem, and generally occur as a pair.

2} Whenever a fellow comes here with a concern regarding how sensitive his exposed glans is, I point out that he has just demonstrated a profound ignorance of the female body, or particularly, the genitalia! And sad to say, this can be due to subjecting himself to pornography.

3} Why do you consider smegma, "disgusting"? With reference to my point immediately above, would you also consider giving oral pleasuring (called "cunnilingus") to a young lady at some time in the future, "disgusting"? Or do you not even understand why I make the connection?

I am not even going to attempt to explain these further. What you need to do, is to read back through thread after thread of this discussion board. The information is there, all of it! I am not being either dismissive or lazy - by doing the reading, you will assuredly not only answer the questions you are asking, but the questions you do not presently even know enough to ask! wink.gif

When you have done enough reading - and I vouch you will eventually comprehend that you do - then please do come and discuss the finer points. OK?

 
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dan
(no login)

Re: A few interesting ideas

April 29 2010, 7:04 PM 

thanks Paul and Jim.
I have done some searching for older posts and have found some encouragement and hope! I noticed you guys are offering a lot of good advice! Where you guys the one start this whole network? Have you guys experienced or have gone through a history pertaining to tight foreskins?


Also, what is so bad about circumcision anyways, besides the sensitivity loss( which I could certainly use)? I was considering getting it done since it seems like I can put a final stop to all my problems. On top of this phimosis, I feel that I have a "premature ejaculation" problem that I think is caused by the sensitivity of my glans. I feel circumcision would help alleviate it. What are your thoughts?

Thanks again,
Dan

 
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Jim
(Premier Login jimsplacetofixthings)
Forum Owner

Personal conviction

April 29 2010, 9:25 PM 

I have a heart for fairness and justice. I just don't think it's fair that someone would tie down and baby to cut off part of its body for no good reason. Circumcision isn't a fair situation for babies, and it just doesn't make sense. Therefore, I took an interest in the practice and became an advocate for leaving babies intact. The internet opened a new avenue of communication, wherein one can participate in open forums. I joined one such group several years ago and from that venture, this one grew. The knowledge comes from many years of study and interaction with people around the world.

I really cannot think of one good thing which comes from circumcision, short of life or death matters involving cancer or the like. Men who are victims of neonatal circumcision often complain of having lost the major part of their sexual sensitivity. Yes, that would stop premature ejaculation for sure, but at the cost of loss of the ability to achieve orgasm as well. Is that what you'd like?

Premature ejaculation often involves psychological issues in addition to inexperience in sexual encounters. Being intact is not really a major factor.

 
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Paul B.
(Login Paul_B.)

I think you must have glossed over more than a few of the points we so often make.

April 30 2010, 5:36 AM 

You appeared to have either ignored, or not grasped, my points about sensitivity. Care to answer my questions above? Do you understand the nature of a young lady's genitalia - their sensitivity and their responsiveness - or do you believe that pornography somehow depicts reality?

If you refer to "network54.com", please understand that this is nothing more than a free hosting site which it is convenient for us to use along with thousands of others (after all, doesn't "forum 244184" suggest something? wink.gif) with entirely diverse interests. There are simply ourselves here on this particular "forum", and whoever else fancies asking a question or making a meaningful observation.

There are a lot of men who are extremely unhappy that it is not only quite possible to mutilate a male child without criminal prosecution (though equally perversely one would face prosecution for doing the same to a female in civilised countries), but that this is actually considered desirable by a significant part of the populace. Naturally, men who have suffered this assault, are likely to be (but not automatically) amongst the most outspoken about it.

Well, in any case, we are actually putting some effort into redressing the situation "from the ground up". In other words, only when people understand that there are absolutely no redeeming virtues or "benefits" of circumcision, will it be accepted as a universally vicious mutilation and rejected out of hand.

In order to dispel the ignorance, we need to explain - in detail - the correct way to deal with each of the supposed "problems" for which circumcision is offered - including "phimosis" and short fr├Žnulum, "infections" and such "way out field" arguments as premature ejaculation (which reminds me, I have a lecture to attend on that and related matters some time next month - probably the most enjoyable evening "refresher" topic of all - I did mention the previous one here a couple of years back. Courtesy Pfizer of course ...).

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

Re: I think you must have glossed over more than a few of the points we so often make.

May 1 2010, 11:21 AM 

Thanks for your reponses.
Paul I've read some of your responses to other people regarding the female genitals. I understand that the female clitoris is also very sensitive and that it only makes sense that the male glans should be treated with the same discretion as a female clitoris. But in our society a man is expected to be able to perform sexually at a certain level and to have "comfortable" sex with his counterpart. A girl shouldn't have to worry about her man cringing in fear during oral sex or barely being able to penetrate due to pain. That is in my opinion a disability in the part of the man. It will be disappointing to her and she will look down on your sexual performance. How am I supposed to compete with an uncircumcised man who doesn't have these "issues?" Pornography may play its roll in creating these standards, but nonetheless, these standards exist and they are real.

Some sensitivity of the glans is okay.. but if its as severe as mine, I think something needs to be done. The fact that I cannot clean my penis under water because its so sensitive is telling enough. But like you said, I truly hope it becomes less sensitive over time like the human eye getting used to contact lenses.

I'm not sure if I truly understood your point about the smegma. I understand its completely natural and that women produce it as well. Its just the fact that I cannot clean it that bothers me. I will refuse to have any sexual contact until my smegma is cleaned.

Thanks again!
Dan

 
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Jim
(Premier Login jimsplacetofixthings)
Forum Owner

It will work out

May 1 2010, 3:40 PM 

Dan, eventually, the sensitivity issue will fade and you'll be able to touch your glans. For now, continue retraction exercises, and when you are finally able to retract fully, practice retraction often. Do it every time you pee. You'll find that with continual retraction that glans will condition to touch.

I understand what you're saying about smegma. In actuality, it isn't the villain it's made out to be. I have an idea for you to try. Get into a tubful of water and open up the foreskin to allow water to enter. Massage the area where the smegma collects and then let more water in to rinse it. Continue until you're assured it's clean.

 
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Paul B.
(Login Paul_B.)

Well, I cannot explain it much better

May 3 2010, 12:02 AM 

... than I did quite meticulously in this post.

If your expectations of "performance" in "our society" are firmly based on emulation of circumcised men, because your presumption is that they have no difficulty in penetrating women who are not aroused, and you imagine that oral sex (fellatio) requires or should require neither skill nor intelligence on the lady's part, then most surely - circumcision is your answer.

It conjures up for me a vision of you dutifully pounding away at a young lady for tens of minutes on end, having avoided the dreaded "premature ejaculation" until your partner has suffered enough of the lack of lubrication and "rewards" you with a fake orgasm to terminate the encounter (which actually is the all-too-common scenario). But you must then both be happy - you because you have fulfilled the expectations of society, and she because your "performance" is up to the "standard" to which she is accustomed. Personally, I find the scenario quite deeply disturbing because it seems to be missing the things I regard as important in a relationship - but then I daresay I am simply out of touch with contemporary society - I gave up reading women's' magazines (many) years ago.

And so fascinating that these standards apply completely differently between men and women; men being expected to scrub away the traces of smegma whilst women - who generally cannot see where it is concealed within themselves, are exempted from this requirement (though expect, and in all fairness I am happy to sanction that they do, oral gratification for themselves).



Three things remain - I am quite sure that you have no difficulty masturbating without discomfort. Clearly your glans is not too sensitive with the foreskin over it, so the clue lies in what the foreskin does to prevent such sensitivity. Jim's advice on this account to wash under the cover of the foreskin clearly has merit. Secondly, there really is no doubt that circumcised men lose or have lost sensitivity and even those poor sad fellows who had the opportunity to experience "before" and "after", invariably must confess to this no matter how many desperately attempt to represent it in a favourable light by conjuring distinctions between "good" and "bad" sensitivity.

Thirdly, considering the intact men who are "comfortable" with the sensitivity of their glans, you have to sit and thoughtfully consider just how they came to be this way? Was it random? Some are and some - such as you - are not? Clearly, they are comfortable because at some stage, over some period of time, they have done no more than used their foreskin - retracted it, replaced it over the glans, over and over. They did not do this deliberately, at least not with the intention of "desensitising" the glans, they obviously did this for some other reason but in the process they became comfortable with it.

Clearly both men and women vary in the degree to which their individual glans is sensitive. My point is nothing more than that for "vanilla" consensual sex - intercourse where in fact both participants are prepared and ipso facto naturally lubricated, the sensitivity or lack thereof is moot - it just works. It is only when you place on it some perverse expectation of a "performance" - such as oral sex from an inexperienced and/ or clumsy partner on a naked glans, that you will encounter problems.

 
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