im 32 years old, and have had crippling anxiety my whole life

in college i manned up and got some courage...i was recieving a hand job and it was so painful, and had to stop, she tried oral and touching the glans was like an electric shock..i gave up on it and to this day have not had sex

never close enough with my dad to ask about, nor anyone else

finally figuring out my life and my anxiety, and there are a few girls i want to go after but feel resigned b/c of the prospect of painful sex

just finally figured out it was phimosis, started stretching, and its getting a little better
my glans stings like you wouldn't believe at the slightest touch!!

do you uncircumscised masturbate while touching your glans(seems impossible)?,
i've never cleaned out my smegma either, and for some reason, water is somewhat tolerable on the tip of the glans

i notice that some stretching involves touching the glans(impossible for me at this point)

i recently saw a urologist and got some steroid cream, do i apply it over the skin or under the skin and touching the glans?

and if under the skin touching the glans, how am i supposed to get it there if i cant bear the pain?

thanks for humoring, i don't mind the 32 year old virgin jokes, just please answer the questions!!

Yes, intact men generally have no issues with touching their glanses. It's a matter of conditioning much as an eyeball does with contact lenses.

Your smegma is not a problem. However, you could try submerging in a bath tub to try it.

What kind of steroid? If you have the right one, it is applied very sparingly, after stretching, to only the tight ring you should be able to fee with an inserted finger. Rub the cream into the skin very thoroughly.

If you wish to touch the glans, do it with deliberate contact. Don't try sneaking up on it.

the steroid cream is called triamcinolone acetonide 0.1%

so do i do the hook method of stretching which i can do(as long as i dont touch glans),
then apply cream to area(both over and under foreskin) where i stretched and then let skin come down and rest over glans?

please let me know if correct, and if not, what is the right way


also, wanted to clarify, i think my original comments made it sound like i just wanted this fixed so i could start having all kinds of crazy sex ..it was intended more to mean that i do talk to girls, and when things get closer, i push them away b/c i've never had it for fear of pain and i hate admitting that to someone this late in the game

Paul can evaluate the product.

Firstly, I must answer this question as I do every time it has been asked in the past. If you are "pushing away" ladies because of concerns about what having sex might entail, the problem is not merely one of sexual ignorance, but one of social ineptness. Your "crippling anxiety" is primary, the cause rather than the consequence of your sexual problems. While I am more than happy to explain how to solve your penile problems, you will clearly have to work on your social skills as well and if anxiety, see a psychologist for CBT.

The first point regarding your penis: I shall be extremely surprised if you cannot, or just do not masturbate. Perhaps you may care to explain this? Given that you do masturbate then I have to ask - what on earth makes you think that sex with a partner should or would be any different?

So you had some experience many years ago with a ham-fisted young lady. Clearly she had no idea what she was doing, possibly having previous experience only with other men who were less sensitive or more tolerant of her clumsiness. This is quite ironic, as it is usually the other way around, the guy clumsily trying to attack the lady's too-sensitive clitoris and making matters worse rather than better. I even wonder, back then, whether you actually attempted to pleasure her?

Point is - and I am presuming you masturbate - regularly and with pleasure - you and a sexual partner would simply have to learn how to pleasure each other in the same manner as you currently masturbate.

The key to sensitivity is lubrication - this is the secret as to why you can masturbate quite effectively with your foreskin forward which provides an equivalent to lubrication and can therefore have mutual sex possibly including intercourse (and definitely with a condom as you would of course be doing) simply by doing - whatever you do to masturbate.

Saliva is not good lubrication, so (unless you are working with a circumcised, insensitive penis or a porn actor) it requires considerable skill to effect oral sex. Intercourse and pleasuring a woman presuppose adequate lubrication building up during foreplay, or artificially added.

The triamcinolone acetonide 0.1% is the absolutely correct cream (though I advise the ointment form in preference). You need to apply it to the tight part, and the tight part only, which is the part that comes to the tip of the foreskin as you pull the outside back (particularly with an erection) - it is the part that is actually restricting you pulling back. This need not involve touching the glans.

Only ever apply the cream after stretching or at a different time, so as not to spread it to any area other than the tight part.

Now what we advise for stretching exercises is what we describe in this discussion site, not what often appears on other sites, so you need to read the information here and perform it rather than anything else you might have seen. When you use something - fingers or some device - to stretch inside your foreskin, you will find that using lubrication makes it comfortable to touch your glans insofar as you need to (and it will, very gradually become more comfortable to touch as you continue to do so) as well as to actually stretch. That is the big secret, as well as why water is tolerable.

Similarly, as to smegma - if it has been there for 20 years now, there is no hurry to remove it. Keep soap - or anything resembling it in any way - away from your foreskin and glans, do not do any of these things in a bath if the water contains any soap.

We do not make jokes here about virginity as though we tolerate people's choices, we do not encourage sexual relations outside of a genuine and lasting (hopefully permanent) commitment.