Hey there fellas, ive finnaly found some forums to help me.
First of, to introduce me, im 15 y.o. guy. Ive had many sexual experiences with girls, oldest one was 17 years old. Ive had sex once, it was 1 week ago, and im going to have it once again in 2 days. Ive been recieving many blow jobs, but i really cant enjoy them, because of my extremly sensitive glans. I have no problems with the size of my foreskin, just a little problem with my frenulum. When im fully erected, i can put the foreskin down, but my glans is being pulled downwards. When we had sex, i felt nothing bad, probably because of the condom. I started stretching yesterday, it works pretty well, i can see some reults.
The question is: how can i make my glans less sensitive? Also, i would like to ask, is 16cm (6,3 inches) normal lenght for a boy in my age? Will it grow bigger in the future?
Another question, a bit off topic: When i had sex, the girls was moaning, she was very tight and it was hurting her for like 2 minutes. I fingered her 10 minutes before, to "open" her, but it seems like it havent worked. Any ideas? Btw, she is 16 y.o., her body is developed fairly enough
Sorry for my bad english, its not my native language
I'm a bit worried about your plans - so definite about the next time you anticipate having intercourse. Glad to hear however, that you are going to be using condoms every time.
My particular concern is regarding "many" experiences and by implication, with many different girls. Why am I worried? Well, it's not just the risks of Sexually Transmitted Infections of which there are indeed a few shall we say "interesting" ones which you can pick up (or exchange) through oral sex or through little slippages with condoms, but the emotional consequences of "sharing" yourself in this manner which I intended to explain when I saw your posting earlier today but seem to have run out of time to describe in detail. I think this as also why Jim says it is difficult to offer advice on certain matters.
Let me say that the problem is that in having experiences with different girls, you are attempting to adapt to people who quite frankly, are different and have different expectations, different preferences, likes and dislikes. And have different understanding of sexual matters. You may well have a problem in presuming to be able to "please everyone".
What has this to do with your present concerns? Well, I hope you will see.
As Jim explains - your glans is perfectly normal. But you have a problem with "blow jobs" which I take to mean fellatio; oral sex. For a start, there are two problems here, one is that you expect this to be entirely enjoyable and the other is that the young lady expects it to be dead easy - after all, both of you have seen this all the time in porn, haven't you?
Well, to get back to a point I repeat time after time - porn is a pack of lies - hardly any truth in it at all. Having your penis sucked is quite nice if the young lady is very, very careful indeed and knows what she is doing. It's a fair bet that whether 14 or 17 (or plenty older), they do not. Yes, your glans is sensitive, and needs to be treated very carefully. It is "designed" to slide in something very smooth, and very slick with plenty of lubrication - a well-prepared vagina in fact. A mouth is not this, the wrong shape, too hard mostly, the tongue is somewhat too rough and there are these terrible things at the front called teeth! Oral sex requires careful manipulation with the tongue and lips to provide plenty of contact whilst keeping the teeth right out of contact. That is not easy.
Overall, it works a lot better if it is performed with the foreskin mostly covering the glans - like you do to masturbate or a knowledgeable girl will do to give you a "hand job". That's why it is far better to stick - and I mean stick - with one partner with whom you can learn and develop trust to consistently please each other. And incidentally, saliva is a very poor lubricant; it "wears out" rapidly. (I have explained this in previous postings if you read back far enough.)
Yes, a "blow job" is a nice compliment to get from a girl, it means she wants to give you pleasure and means she is willing to negotiate to put a part of you that might to some extent be "dirty" (hopefully not if you just had a shower beforehand - as you of course should) into her mouth and that is a great compliment.
At this point I always have to ask - you did on each or most of these occasions, return the favour, did you not? You gave her oral sex in return? And why would you not? In the process, you learn how sensitive her clitoris - the match to your glans - is, and how important lubrication is.
This is essential to the problem you describe next. You had intercourse - with a condom - and it was painful for the girl. (For two minutes? Is that as long as it lasted? What happened at the end of the two minutes?) Now that is a disaster! There may be exceptions, but 16 year olds are very sensitive to bad experiences, and you must not permit that. (16 year old girls are on the other hand, eminently well developed and quite capable of bearing children, so condoms and contraception together are essential.) Whether you spent 10 minutes "preparing" her or "opened" her, is not the question, but rather whether she was wet?
That - lubrication - is the key; unless her whole vulva is slippery with her wetness, she is not ready to be penetrated whether with fingers or penis. And you must again remember that the inside of her vagina is of similar sensitivity to the shaft of your penis; in other words very little. Having you inside her is a feeling similar to squeezing not the glans, but the shaft of your penis; the major enjoyable feeling comes from her clitoris though if and when she does obtain an orgasm, then the "G-spot" inside the front of the vagina will enhance this - to the extent that your penis actually presses on it.
In general, discomfort means that she is not lubricated; and if she is not lubricated and becomes sore, than that soreness pretty much guarantees that she will become progressively less rather than more lubricated, so things tend to get worse rather than better. Of course you can (and probably should,) "cheat" by using a "personal" lubricant on the outside of the condom (or even better, inside her ).
You apparently need to do the frænulum stretching we describe here. Read up on it - and then read plenty more.
Your length is fine. It's actually slightly above average in fact. And I would have a 95% chance of being right on it being fine even if you had not specified it. Almost all "problems" guys report are as I said to start with, wrong expectations and technique, rather than any problem with size or tight foreskin.
Sam (no login)
April 28 2012, 12:49 PM
Hey there once again. Im very thankful for your response, it took me a bit longer to translate it, but once again, thank you very very much!
First of all, i live in a small country, w/ population about 5 milion, and only 400-500 people here are HIV positive. Those girls were mostly virgins, and im very carefull about STDs, mostly in disco clubs it very hard to argue with girl, when she wants to give you "the head", i believe that you understand
However, i knew it wouldnt be as good as in porn. First time, my penis wasnt even fully erected, and i havent orgasmed. The girl was very embarassed, i explained to her, that it was very stresfull for me. The main reason was, that it was painful. I gave her oral sex 1 or 2 days before, she was giving me fellatio behind some abanonded building, while it was raining outside, so i wasnt able to return it.
Its very hard for me to get some serious relationship. I had it once, it lasted 3 months and it was rather amazing.
No worries, im giving extra care to my private parts.
Im going out with this girl tommorow, wish me luck!
And about my progress, im able to masturbate while my foreskin is under the glans without feeling any pain, but theres a bit of "useless" skin under the glans, what should i do with it? Also, my glans is really soft after 2-3 minutes, i have to lubricate it with saliva. Is it a problem?
This message has been edited by jimsplacetofixthings on Apr 28, 2012 7:07 PM
Seems you don't quite get the idea about STDs. Whilst clearly a nasty disease, HIV is statistically the very least of your worries unless you are speaking of some small African third-world state, and looking at your name, I don't think you are.
The STDs in question here start with Chlamydia and HPV - Human Papillomavirus - the latter is very easy to catch to the extent that most sexually active young people acquire at least one form of it early in their sexual "career". Insofar as it mostly will not do you much evident harm - in fact, you are quite unlikely to realise you have it - you could consider it trivial but given the variety of cancers (one of which happens to be cancer of the throat!) which which it is now understood to be associated, it is something which I personally would not want and if I were in your situation, would certainly not wish to be passing it on to a future spouse.
And playing pass-the-parcel in disco clubs sounds like an eminently effective way to "sample" these diseases.
My point is that you do not need to be "sexually experienced for a long-term relationship" because that is exactly what a long-term (such as a lifetime) relationship is - the relationship in which you progressively discover each other and learn to value each other in depth. You do not do that by "practicing" on other people, because while it certainly is appropriate to have serious regard for other people in general (especially if you are working from a Christian viewpoint), you are only making it difficult for yourself when you assume that what one would prefer sexually, is automatically going to translate to others.
Of course there are basics - and that is what I have explained here. The "basics" are lubrication, the fact that vaginal stimulation (from penile thrusting) is not the principal source of sexual excitement for a girl, but that "cuddle time" is valued as much or more than what you consider as "sex". Which probably is not achieved in a draughty derelict building during a rainstorm (though it might be, in a private bedroom under clean covers after a warm shower together).
Beyond these basics, things are individual and people enjoy their individuality.
No part of the skin on your penis is "useless". Your frænulum most likely requires some stretching - the information is all here. If you go soft whilst masturbating (or any other sex), it means you are simply not enjoying it, quite likely doing it the wrong way (definitely so if it hurts,) and there is no point trying harder; better to give it a rest and try something different.
Sam (no login)
April 29 2012, 6:41 AM
I agree with your opinions, but im very young, and for me, the best teaching method is to try it in real life with many different girls, so i would know more about many types of women.
Sorry, that i turned this into some sort of sexual advisory service :P.
You have misunderstood me in that last part, when i said soft, i didnt ment, that i wasnt fully erected or something. I ment, that my glans seems very dry after 2-3 minutes, it doesent hurt me or anything, but my foreskin isnt sliding so easily on it.
My fraenulum seems to get better every day, when i was 11 i couldnt even retract my foreskin under my glans, even when i was flaccid. It looked like it was attached on the glans. Can you tell me more about it? It has got unstucked naturaly, i wasnt even thinking about stretching it.
The frenulums job is to pull the foreskin back over the glans. It is quite flexible to allow retraction. When too tight, it restricts full retraction.
Your situation at 11 was quite normal. All boys are born with the foreskin stuck to the glans. The separation process often takes years to complete.
This message has been edited by jimsplacetofixthings on Apr 30, 2012 10:13 AM This message has been edited by jimsplacetofixthings on Apr 30, 2012 10:12 AM
Sam (no login)
misunderstood once again
April 30 2012, 9:38 AM
I will try to explain it once again. When I masturbate, I can easily do it while my foreskin is sliding on my glans (and underneath it). However, I need to lubricate it, so I spit on it sometimes. Shouldn't it produce some lubrication naturally?
Also, something about my progress: As I said, its going very fast, two months ago I wasn't even able to fully uncover my glans while erected, now I feel, that my masturbation is almost absolutely right. "Almost" because, that there still is some skin under the glans, its still not looking like I'm circumized.
Masturbation while I was stretching was very helpful for me, I even feel, that my glans isn't that much sensitive now.
A clear, sticky and slippery fluid is often excreted during masturbation. If you're in need of lubrication, you still need more work on the size of the opening.
An intace male should not look as if he's been circumcised. Is that a goal of yours?
Sam (no login)
April 30 2012, 10:53 AM
Should be the fluid produced from the tip of the glans? Or somewhere from the foreskin?
How should healthy uncirc. penis look like? Mine has a bit of unstretched skin under the glans, but its getting smaller and smaller every day. Also, I can easily fit more than 3 fingers in my foreskin while flaccid, should I stretch it more?
The pre-ejaculate fluid comes out the same hole from which urine and semen come. It is very slippery and is produced to clear out the urethra so sperm are not harmed, as well as to produce a nice lubricant for intercourse. The little lips on the opening of your urethra are called the meatus.
Your inner foreskin is composed of a substance known as mucosa. It's the same tissue as in your mouth and nose. While some dispute it, oils are excreted by tiny glands inbedded in the preputial (foreskin) lining. They are what contribute the greasy nature to smegma, the chesey white stuff you produce inside if you don't rinse out regularly. It is thought by some that these small glands disappear with age, somewhat confirmed by the falloff of production of smegma with maturity.
If you are experiencing gains, your penis is no doubt healthy now, so it looks just like it should look.
An unretractible foreskin in not unhealthy any more than small muscles in your arms are unhealthy. It's a matter of needing resistance exercise, which is exactly what you are doing in stretching.
Continue stretching until you can retract without much resistance even when you have an erection. Even after achieving that goal, you'll need to continue for about another month to allow new cells to grow so your new size becomes permanent.
If the foreskin does not retract far enough back for your satisfaction and/or comfort, your frenulum (banjo string) will need stretching as well. It's that little web you should now be able to see on the underside, connecting the the penis to the foreskin. Do you see it?
Because your penis - foreskin and all - is there for sex.
Masturbating with the foreskin retracted and using lubricant is an option if you have an intact foreskin, it isn't the "natural" way to do it because the foreskin provides a very effective sliding action within its inner and outer layers.
It certainly is the case that circumcised men are more restricted in their options, either managing to draw enough skin up and over the glans, and adopting a technique which maintains this as they proceed, or resorting to "artificial" lubrication (which makes it a rather messy business).
Pre-ejaculatory secretion ("pre-come") - which is absolutely not semen and therefore contains no meaningful amount of sperm - is produced by the para-urethral and Cowper's glands which line the inside of the urethra all along the part that runs through the penis and just inside the pelvis. Interestingly enough, the production of this fluid is not necessarily coincident with erection, but appears to be separately provoked more by the perception of sexual proximity to a female partner, which is of course, usually missing when you masturbate.
Unless perhaps (and I always recommend against this,) you are viewing pornography, you are actually not so likely to produce significant amounts of this, and it is not surprising that you need to use something else if you choose a form of masturbation requiring lubrication. Saliva tends to "wear out" very rapidly, which is why as I always explain, "blow jobs" tend to be less satisfactory than you imagine. (On the other hand, the young lady indulging in a very leisurely oral session, not focused on making you ejaculate, may be quite delighted to enjoy the regular little drips of the quite sweet "pre-come" which she tastes as she proceeds.)
Fitting three or more fingers inside the foreskin is not only doable, but is the proper way to perform the stretching as it relieves you of the need to use your muscles to maintain the tension; just "wedge" in as many fingers as will fit and let them sit there.
If you are observing an imbalance of the amount of skin above and below your glans, it confirms that you do need to perform the frænulum stretches at least as much as stretching the opening.
Sam (no login)
April 30 2012, 11:18 PM
Guys, thank you once again for your responses.
I thought, that that pre-ejaculation secret was part of "cum". When I masturbate, I usually stop 3 seconds before I'm about to orgasm, and that's the moment when I "ejaculate" the fluid. However, its really not enough to lubricate my whole glans. The secret was actually the main reason for condoms, I thought, that it can make my lady pregnant.
When I look under my penis, I see what you've been explaining to me, except that my glans being pulled down by the fraenulum.
I'm going to stretch my foreskin now, but which method would help me most? 2 fingers method? Or, as Paul said?
Ah no, if you are "teasing", stopping just when you know you are about to ejaculate, then what spurts gently out at that point is actually semen which has been released, but you have stopped before the ejaculation cycle is fully established. Not only that, but this semen likely contains a higher concentration of sperm as well, so a condom is absolutely critical from the start of proceedings; if this happens, you can see that "pulling out" at this point is quite useless in terms of contraception.
"Pre-come" is different, as I have explained above, is produced and comes out slowly and progressively as you continue with sexual excitement, but is much less likely to be seen when you are masturbating yourself without a the excitement of a girl up close. After all, that's why you want to have sex with a girl (even just a "hand job" or a "blow job" which certainly is safer than vaginal intercourse on many levels) - it clearly is more enjoyable than masturbating alone and your responses are different.
There are two forms of stretching exercise. The "two finger" method means simply that when you can get two fingers fully in the opening so that they pass through the opening and "hook" inside the foreskin, beside the glans, this allows you to hold the fingers apart to perform the stretch. I have not described anything different. Part of this method is that each extra finger you can fit in as well, allows you to hold the stretch with less effort by leaning the fingers against each other and "wedging" them in.
The second exercise, is stretching the frænulum by gripping the end of the foreskin where the frænulum starts, and stretching it fully away from the body - which means holding the whole penis on the stretch as the other end of the frænulum is attached to the glans just under the meatus or "pee hole". The rule is to do each of these stretches as often as you can, holding each for as long as you can - many minutes if possible. If you have the time, do one until your hands get tired, do the other (different grip) until that gets tired, do the first one again etc.
Sam (no login)
April 28 2012, 1:01 PM
I misunderstood that STDs part.
My answer to that is, that i want to be sexually experienced for long term relatonship, i just dont wanna step in it unprepared. I want to understand girls, what do they like and dislike.
Sam (no login)
May 1 2012, 1:27 PM
Hey there guys, quick question for you: my friend told me, that he has tight frenulum like 1 day ago, I've found this site 1 week ago. What a concidience, huh? Anyways, he can retract his foreskin under the glans with a bit of pain, but he wants to somehow cut his frenulum. He said, that he will insert needle into the frenulum and put some silon into the hole. The human body pushes unfriendly objects out of the body, so it will make the frenulum rip apart. Should he do it?
We are entirely aware of sites describing frænulum tying, much as you describe about piercing the frænulum with a needle, but rather than putting silicon(?) into the hole made, tying the part of the frænulum one wishes to "cut", with a very tight, preferably elastic nylon, thread.
Let me assure you - and him - that simply putting a silicone plug into the hole will not in itself cause the frænulum to tear apart; some fellows deliberately do this to wear a decoration in the piercing such as a "barbell" or similar decoration, either metal or silicone, and like any other piercing, this only gets torn if you accidentally catch it on something.
But you see, we advise by preference, patiently stretching it so that nothing get cut, nothing gets torn, nothing bleeds but it simply slowly gets looser until it is the way you want it to be. And as I always point out, there is no hurry, none of the problems described actually prevent you having sex if you approach it in a sensible fashion (including condoms!).
Please note - use "Preview" to check what you have written and how it will appear before you "Respond", and because this forum is moderated, you will not then see your submission until the moderator has a chance to confirm it.