Hi Jim & Paul.

Seeing as I don't have a camera, thought I'd be different and draw my condition. As you can see, I had a frenuloplasty 7 months ago. It was a simple and it helped a lot but I'm still too tight. The surgeon who tweaked me made no measurements beforehand and I felt unable to insist for them - he said he had performed hundreds before.


(sorry for the different side-views. It's harder than you'd think to draw your own penis.)

- Frenulum questions -

Prior to the op, my frenulum was thick, tough and white, like gristle. It is now flexible enough to make stretching worth a go, but I'm having some trouble with the two frenulum methods.

With the forward-pulling method my fingers slip out immediately - I can't seem to get a grip on the frenulum itself. When my grip stabilises I feel no tension on the frenulum - only on the 'spout'.

If I retract and then directly pull on the frenulum itself, it stings for the whole day. I'm sure direct pressure is more effective, but should I persevere if there's discomfort?

- Phimosis -

As for phimosis, I had very slow progress with stretching until I started cramming all my fingers in - I see that's been suggested here recently. When I first put 4 fingers in I immediately felt the tension I hadn't been generating before, so please recommend this to others. I'm seeing improvement already after 4 weeks.

- One more question -

If I was fine for sex in my natural state (as I always have suspected) - why are we so driven to stretch and why do you recommend it? I'm 22 and a virgin, but I've had no problem masturbating these last 10 years. Apart from pure curiosity I've been doing this to gain as mobile a penis as possible for my future partners' sakes - but I don't know if that even makes sense. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

- Masturbation -

Finally, I suspect my progress will be slower because I'm abstaining from masturbation. Through experience I have gradually realised that daily/twice-daily orgasm gives me a hangover of sorts, with effects ranging from 'brain fog' to irritability and depression. I link to this in case it interests others --- I quit masturbation 30 days ago and since then I've felt more mental clarity and emotional stability than I have in the past 8 years. I would never have suspected masturbation could be so capricious before I cut it out - I have no religious background and assumed it was natural to ejaculate whenever one felt the urge - but 'possible' and 'natural' are different things.

http://www.reuniting.info/content/men-does-frequent-ejaculation-cause-hangover

------

Thanks for all your dedication here. If you require more details, please say.

Owen

Every penis is different, and while all cases have similarities, they have unique compentent to the problem. It's up to you to adapt as you must to make the generic guidelines work for you. We are not there, but you are. Get the grip as you are able. The sting is probably from the trauma suffered in surgery.

We do not recommend stuffing all of your fingers inside. One finger from each hand is sufficient to apply the needed tension. If the suggested method works for you, that's great.

Having a foreskin which does not retract is fine if it causes no discomfort. We are comfortagle with that. However, you will probably be more satisfied with a functional foreskin

Your link doesn't work, but you're summary of it goes against common sense. Sex is a gift to us from God who designed it for reproduction, bonding of couples, and stress relief. It makes no sense that you'd have adverse side effects.

Jim -- The link still works for me, but try it here:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201205/men-does-frequent-ejaculation-cause-hangover

(one of the studies it cites can be read in full below:)
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20875461

What you are saying is exactly what the former site advocates ('Reuniting' exists primarily to help couples make sex about pair-bonding again, hence its name).

It is frustrating that such studies -fully scientific as they are- are discounted out-of-hand as either voodoo or a remnant of puritanism. Too much of anything is bad for us; we understand that when it comes to food, alcohol, German opera, yet there's strong resistance to the notion that too much sex/masturbation might have adverse effects. Why exactly would they not?

I have found that my social anxiety is greatly reduced when I stay off masturbation for more than one week. I didn't intend to discover this - it's the last thing I would've wanted to find out. I discovered it by accident, over multiple occasions in the past year, and was surprised to find other men, women and now psychologists observing the same connection. Hormonal cycles aren't well understood - it's not bunkum to imagine that frequent sexual activity can interfere with them.

----------

I'm interested in what you say about post-operative trauma. Can that still be the case after 7 months? I understand that you both have recommended stretching during the recovery for frenuloplasty, but at that time things were far too sensitive.

Thanks for your reply.

Second, anyone having sex several times a day obviously has a social disorder which is begging for a solution.

Hey Jim, haven't you been reading my suggestions?

Do I go into too much detail to read?

Yes, I most certainly do recommend "packing" extra fingers - as many as practical - into the foreskin opening to stretch. The reason for this is that otherwise, you have to use your arm muscles; that is, all the various muscles in your arms, to apply the tension, The first step to avoid this problem - and be able to stretch for much longer at a time as we both suggest is important, is to "lean" the two fingers together so that instead of using the arm muscles, you only need to use the muscles which bend the fingers (which are in fact, located in the forearms) to push them apart.

But "packing" in as many extra fingers as will fit, when performing the later stretching between being able to retract while flaccid, and able to retract when fully erect, allows stretching to be effected using little or no muscular tension at all - almost as convenient as using an external stretching device.

Since a foreskin that will not retract does not prevent intercourse (the lack of skin mobility and loss of sensation is very much similar to - but not as severe as - being circumcised) because the skin is so tight that it cannot move back to a position in which enough force is applied to be painful, and since even circumcised men generally feel that they enjoy intercourse perfectly well (knowing no better), it can be argued that there is little need to "correct" the situation. Any "hygiene" concerns are due to other factors, as I have been explaining in a recent discussion here so they need not be a concern.

Two good justifications for obtaining full foreskin mobility, are that you literally have a larger repertoire of sexual options, and that the mobile foreskin enables the so-called "gliding effect" during intercourse where the foreskin may form a "seal" at the vaginal entrance with minimal in-and-out movement while the glans thrusts in and out of the deeper vagina without losing the vaginal lubrication by "stripping" it out. This forms an "insurance" against the woman losing her focus on the act and failing to continue lubricating, which then results in discomfort and complete failure of lubrication in a vicious cycle. You are indeed correct that this is desirable for your future partner's sake. ()

Now, that is indeed a fascinating article (or cascade thereof) that you cite. It certainly does outline an argument based on physiological observations (to the extent that you accept their validity, particularly where implied from murine behaviour) as to why persistent exposure to pornography is undesirable (let alone the reasonably obvious psychological consequences) and its "sister" article certainly resonates with my observations of female behaviour. It is not my part to mandate either masturbation or abstinence from it, but thirty days sounds almost like taking it too closely to heart.

Anyway, as to your frænulum, I wonder if you are a little confused - I see little value (and as described in other discussions, undesirable distortion of the meatus has been suggested) in pulling your foreskin back to stretch the frænulum, and you seem to imply that you are conflating the stretching of the foreskin opening, with traction on the frænulum. What we illustrate to stretching the frænulum, is to "pinch" the end of the frænulum which merges into the foreskin with forefinger (inside) and thumb (outside). In fact, it is the forefinger of this pair which actually applies tension to the frænulum, and if the (fore)skin is dry for this purpose, there should be minimal slippage, making it the overall most effective method.

Thanks Paul as always for your level of detail.

You're right, I misread the frenulum exercise. With the forward method I was using the thumb inside and the forefinger outside, which was very uncomfortable as I require a strong thumbnail for Celtic harp playing. (Somehow this seemed more natural than the reverse.)

I tried your above method this morning but felt the same difficulty: either there's no noticeable tension or I raise the pressure and my finger slips. Am I expecting too much tension?

(With the other method: I didn't plan to stretch it by retracting, just to expose the frenulum enough to grip with both hands. I believe you were not entirely sceptical of this method in a recent thread, so I tried it and immediately 'felt' it stretching. I have since avoided this due to the recurring stinging.)

---
Re Phimosis - yes, I'm at the 'later' stage where it cannot retract when erect: should've stated the diagrams are what I see when semi-erect.

As for smegma, I have actually never experienced it, and my foreskin was retracted just once before mid-puberty. The doctors assumed I was mistaken or lying!

Thanks for your info on the gliding effect, am amazed it isn't more widely known. (And yes, inappropriate plural!)

------

Apologies for yet more speculation, but I'd appreciate your thoughts on frenuloplasty for severe brevity. It was a huge dilemma for me at the time.

My breve was so severe that my meatus pointed 90* downward even when flaccid. My former frenulum was probably the most rigid bit of skin on my body -- moreso than any calluses or scars. I know you do not advise frenuloplasty and I can see its drawbacks, but I honestly think I required it to even begin treating my phimosis - I could grip my frenar ring but everywhere near the frenulum would be immobile.

Since the op, I am feeling a lot more in that area - both pleasure and pain. The post-op scar is far more supple than what I had previously. If I thought everyone's case were like mine, I would recommend frenuloplasty to anyone, but I suspect something unusual was up. The skin didn't resemble lichen sclerosis, just a hard white callous that gradually turned to normal foreskin. Perhaps stretching would've helped, but something tells me it wouldn't have - not previously.

(As to why this was, I'm not sure. When I was around 4 a GP forcibly retracted my foreskin, causing me to bleed from /somewhere/ inside the tip. Miraculously he decided I was fine, and these parts remained a mystery until I was 14-15. My only guess is that he had torn my frenulum, and it healed back severely tightly.)

----

Finally, thanks for reading the article before commenting. I too would've dismissed it before reading. My reason for abstaining so long is to discover my natural libido - how my desire for sex/intimacy differs from my artificial desire for pornography or orgasm. After 30 days, I've noticed my lust has decreased whilst my desire for friendship and simple intimacy with women has exploded. This alone has reduced my anxiety around women, which ironically makes me more successful with them.

Through abstention I've also (luckily) discovered that I'm not addicted to either pornography or masturbation -most curiously I don't miss either- but I would advise other young men just to consider this, since modern porn sites can deceptively escalate a pastime into an addiction without you realising.

For a wealth of studies on the topic:
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/

Best wishes
Owen

Apologies, my frenuloplasty queries weren't very coherent. I'll try to rephrase:

I lately wondered if it was very bad scarring from the forced retraction (my mother suffers from keloids). But the problem with this theory is that I didn't scar like that after frenuloplasty (and moreover even my bad scars are as supple as the surrounding skin).

If it was normal skin however, why would it seem like gristle? My new short fraenulum seems obviously stretchable (eg I can grasp it and it isn't numb to sensation), but I had no such confidence with my previous state. Does my description fit anything you are aware of?
Thanks
O

I am not particularly impressed by the idea that "premature" foreskin retraction is - in itself - a major cause of scarring and tight foreskin. There is of course, a matter of severity - the occurrence of bleeding does suggest that something was torn and therefore healing of whatever that was may well have resulted in some scarring and your surmise that this may have resulted in a short frænulum is quite plausible.

It seems to me that Keloid is somewhat less common in children; you tend to heal better the younger you are. How heritable it is, I really do not know but certainly, if you were prone to it, you should certainly know by now. And Keloid around the genitals doesn't seem to be that common anyway.

Regarding "premature" foreskin retraction, my real concern is that when this is traumatic for a young boy, the painful experience has the entirely counter-productive effect of causing an aversion to retraction rather than enjoyment of it. As we have (frequently) described, it is most important after - immediately after - any procedure such as frænuloplasty or parting of adhesions (which certainly may cause a little bleeding), to implement frequent and regular retraction in order to prevent re-attachment of adhesions which may then become more permanent and to maintain flexibility and length of a surgical scar.

Your description certainly reflects this - it caused you to avoid such manipulation for the next ten years; the time when you should have been happily exploring and "exercising" your foreskin, yourself.