I have a new partner who is wonderful; I adore him and want to please him in all kinds of ways... but I'm not feeling very confident about oral sex. I haven't encountered phimosis before and I've tried to be careful with him; he's been able to educate me a bit about what works for him, and intercourse is lovely - but I'm still not getting the oral thing quite right. It's something that worked well for me with previous partners, but then it's just easier in some ways with a retractable foreskin, or at least, that's how I learned it, and now I need to learn something new!

He's happy with his penis, and that's good enough for me; I see no reason why he should change it (and also I'm quite adamantly against circumcision). I don't think he's interested in using creams or ointments, or any other intervention. He tells me it hasn't always been this way; it's possibly a complication of another medical condition which isn't very treatable.

So I guess I'm looking for advice about technique: what's the best approach to oral sex when a guy's foreskin doesn't retract much? I've asked my partner as well, of course, and he's very loving and reassuring, but I still feel I'd like a bit more information to boost my confidence - and his pleasure! Any suggestions gratefully received...

That is really all there is to it.

There's a lot to be said for this approach. I'm sure he'll tell me if I get it wrong!

Perhaps you should guide him toward this discussion board with a view to the fact that "fixing" phimosis does not involve surgery, least of all circumcision. There would be very few if any "medical conditions" which would render phimosis unable to be treated and in fact, any such condition should be actively treated (in order at least to prevent further damage).

So that's the first aspect of the matter. We describe and focus here on the process of simple (albeit not entirely effortless) stretching of the skin using firm, perhaps uncomfortable and consistent (persistent, some minutes at a time or more permanent) tension. Not only is this do-able, but I suggest that if you reside with this fellow, you are in a position to be intimately involved in such a process. How "sexy" that may be is - well, that depends, doesn't it?

What is useful about having the foreskin persistently covering the glans, is that it is essentially more rugged and indeed, it is very flexible so that you can do things - such as gently biting or tugging with your teeth - that you never could with the glans itself, as well as simply squeezing with your lips. You can do some funny things such as blowing it up like a balloon. (You might have heard that this is dangerous as you could blow air into the urethra and bladder. Actually even that is largely harmless bearing only a slight risk of introducing bacteria, but in practice that is quite hard to do anyway. And the same applies to a vagina. )

Other than that, the most obvious thing is to attempt to get your tongue in and under the foreskin to circle his glans.

In actuality, oral sex (fellatio, that is,) is "not all it's cracked up to be". I shall accept that you made previous partners very pleased with it and in view of common (quite incorrect and frankly perverse in fact) perceptions of the penis as "unclean", there is a substantial component here of a "compliment" when a woman offers to use her mouth to give pleasure in this way (and equally if not more so when the man performs such for her).

Nevertheless there are quite substantial limitations; it is difficult to keep the teeth from contacting (and they are generally very unpleasant when they do), saliva is a poor lubricant having insufficient actual mucous component, the shape of the mouth does not conform well to the penis (unless you actually can "deep throat" - and that would not be a common skill), the penis is too large to suck on effectively and it is very tiring to move one's head sufficiently rapidly back and forth to actually result in ejaculation. It is almost always actually necessary to stroke with the hand while simply holding the glans in the mouth. Tell me if this is not so.

All in all, you probably are doing just fine whatever you are doing (as Jim intimates). I trust the fellow returns this compliment in kind.

Yes, the name's from the bible; I think she was a midwife or something. Apparently it means 'beautiful'.

I totally agree about the no surgery; guys seem to be told there's an operation they can have, and lots of people assume the doctor knows best. I won't encourage my partner to have surgery on his penis.

It's the underlying medical condition that isn't very treatable; I mean, there's treatment available and my partner is being treated, but results are limited and there's no actual cure. However, I suppose that doesn't mean the phimosis is untreatable. Interesting that stretching is something he should be doing; I'll have a chat with him. If he wants me to lend a hand, I'd be more than happy to help!

The idea of using my teeth is pretty novel! I've always been very careful and I've never allowed my teeth to come into contact with a man's penis! But maybe with a foreskin between teeth and glans it could be interesting. I'll definitely try blowing it up like a balloon: that sounds cool! And I think I'll be able to get my tongue to the top half of his glans, but his foreskin won't retract beyond that.

I suppose a guy's enjoyment of oral sex depends on a number of things. Part of it might be the visual thing: watching a woman doing it. My previous partners claimed they liked the feeling of my tongue on their frenulum and my lips squeezing their corona in a kind of up-and-down motion. (I can't do either of these things with my current partner, which is why I'm seeking advice.) Of course, I do use my hand on the shaft while sucking the glans. I don't find it all that tiring, though; it's all a question of position. If I'm kneeling in front of my partner I can move back and forth from my shoulders or waist instead of my neck: much easier to sustain! I agree that saliva is a poor lubricant; on the other hand, when there's lots of it, it'll do a reasonable job and there's something about sucking a penis that can make a woman salivate!

Certainly in the past my partners have ejaculated when I've given them oral sex (but then I haven't exactly had hundreds of partners!). And I know my current partner would like to, but I haven't managed to get there yet. Hence my lack of confidence and need for advice! He hasn't yet reciprocated; the sexual part of our relationship is quite new and we just haven't got around to that particular activity yet (perhaps because he's very good at other things!), but he has promised and I have to reason to doubt him; he has kept all his other promises. To be honest, oral sex is something I love doing whether or not it's reciprocated.

Thanks for all the advice; it's been really helpful.

As a male with phimosis I'll try to give you some thoughts on girls who have given me oral and what I've liked and disliked.

dislikes:

The glans or head of the penis when covered with the foreskin is quite insensitive to me. Having it and only it sucked or licked hardly does anything for me. It's an ok thing to do when you're switching between other oral stuff but shouldn't be something you focus on.

Don't pull back on the foreskin making it tight as if you were to pull it over the glans. It can cause a lot of discomfort or even pain. You want the skin to be as free as possible.


likes:

The shaft for me is the main source of pleasure with a blowjob. The force exerted on the penis should be similar to a *******.

In order to focus on the shaft you'll have to either deepthroat, or use your hand(s) on the shaft with a combination of your mouth.

Make sure there is enough lubrication, either transfer some drool or go down on him after intercourse. I'm pretty sure this goes for all blowjobs though.

hope this helps?

Thanks for your reply! It's helpful to know the dislikes as well: I definitely don't want to cause my partner any pain.

I can't do deep throat, so will focus on the hand-on-shaft idea and make sure there's plenty of lubrication.

Thanks again!