if it is any consolation I can relate to all of your feelings. My boss at work is pregnant (due in September) and I know it wasn't an easy road for her (one miscarriage) but I still am very envious and hate feeling this way but just can't help it. She's 41 as well and it is -- why not me, too?
I think that many people take the whole pregnancy/healthy child thing for granted. For many there will never be a time in their lives where they will ever have to face anything different related to child-bearing but for those of us that do have to face issues that lack of understanding makes things even more frustrating.
Know that your group here understands and I agree that your feelings will pass with time -- it's just a matter of dealing with them now.
Positive thoughts to you.
ttc #3 (#1 for DH)