Your rape analogy applies to me as well. We can only complete the act with some force. It doesn't matter how much lubricant we use and the pain is excrutiating. That is the disappointing thing from a marriage standpoint. He knows the pain is excrutiating, but let's go ahead anyway. Then what usually happens is he gets softer from the long drawn out drama and then it gets bearable though still painful. My acting skills at this point is to make him think that fellatio is my idea of a wonderful sexual connection. I apologize for being so graphic, but we are really struggling with this.
I had a c-section and at my eight week follow up appointment I told my doctor that sex was excrutiating. She said that was very common and she said I had scar tissue at the entrance to my vagina. I don't know where this scar tissue comes from except if it has to do with thinning issues due to my hormonal imbalances. My pain does feel like it is mostly around the entrance to first 1/3 or vagina. It doesn't feel like spasms, but more like an extreme paper cut which then makes me extremely tense which certainly does result in tightening. Vicious cycle