Each person is different (mc ment. + adoption ment.)February 18 2012 at 6:46 PM
|Vianna (Login Elmild)|
Response to Looking for experience..
But, one thing everyone on this board has in common is a deep mother-child bond with their child born of DE.
I myself had to also use a surrogate, and my daughter and I could not be more bonded.
Other very potent factors aside from genetics (or even giving birth--if you consider mothers of adopted children, they will all tell you their adopted child is absolutely no different from their own) form the mother-child bond.
My dd happens to be far more bonded with myself than with my dh (and they are genetically linked). My dh jokes all the time that it's just, "Mama, mama, mama" with my dd all the time. (They are getting closer though, and it's really sweet to see.)
My first mc was 18 years before I finally held my dd in my arms. I had several losses and years of IF. I had lots of reservations about DE, until we finally went through a very grueling surrogacy experience and miscarried. Prior to surrogacy, we had been also seriously exploring adoption. But, with all the blood, sweat, and tears invested in the surrogacy process, I said to my dh, almost immediately after that loss, "We are doing donor egg!" And, he didn't hesitate to agree.
I have to say that I am so blissed out that I don't really think about DE much at all. (Though, I did worry about feeling sad about the loss of genetics--I don't at all, and that has surprised me.) My issue is more about being an advanced age mom. My worries are mainly about that.
But, I do have concerns about how my daughter might react when we tell her about DE. I do worry from time to time about how she may have difficulty around that issue. And, I so hope that she never has the kind of longings that brought me such profound pain--in other words, I hope that she'll feel loved and mothered enough that she doesn't long to find her genetic mother.
These thoughts are there, but they do not prevail upon me on a day-to-day basis, and I don't ever regret for one second the fact that my daughter has come into this world. Of course, like any mom, I marvel at who she is, delight in all she does, and feel so incredibly blessed to be able to love and care for her.
It's really and truly like a love affair for me. I hate being away from her for even her naps!
- Barge to Vianna - Ariadne on Feb 18, 6:57 PM
- <<<<barging>>>>> - BBG on Feb 18, 7:28 PM
- You know what the very real moral of this age old story is, don't you, BBG? - Ariadne on Feb 18, 7:36 PM
- I guess so! - BBG on Feb 18, 7:42 PM
- I couldn't find link - Vianna on Feb 19, 8:32 AM
- yes I would like to add - birdy1600 on Feb 18, 8:11 PM