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my thoughts

April 12 2012 at 12:18 PM
jkl  (Login JKL41903)

Response to What are your thoughts on "incompatible" parent-child pairs?


I think it is only natural to have preferences amongst your children, and if some children are particularly difficult, that can emphasize the differences. But it can be hard because if one child is difficult and doesn't easily show outward affection I think it is easy to get hurt and be less demonstrative toward that child (as a protective device). But that can lead to a downward spiral where the child then senses your pulling away and responds similarly.

So really, I don't think there are incompatible child/parent pairs, but I think it is something that can develop if the parents are not vigilant.

Also, things change a lot over time, my dd who is almost 9 definitely preferred her dad when she was little, but that has now switched and we are very close. The same thing is happening now with dd#2 (19 mo) and so I am telling myself to be patient! So basically Dh is great with the little kids, not so great with the bigger kids (and really, wouldn't you rather have a great relationship when they are older than when they are young?--if you had to choose of course).

Also dd#2 is quite difficult compared to dd#1, so if they were twins I can see how challenging it would be to not show preference to the easier child. So I think twins offer a lot of challenges that way. just my perspective!


 Respond to this message   

  1. Oh, I agree 100% - BBG on Apr 12, 2012, 12:36 PM
    1. oh I'm sure - jkl on Apr 13, 2012, 11:44 AM
      1. I'm working on stabilizing my attitude toward this - BBG on Apr 14, 2012, 9:45 PM
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