I have done everything you mentioned and then some. He has to get his supplies (wipes/poop bag etc) when he goes. He has to clean his underwear and he still will go in his pants everyday. It is very frustrating. I have to work due to DH's depression and lack of professional job. It is all on my shoulders and I am doing my best. I have had 1 wk off of work in 3 yrs. It is very hard.