I was actually thinking about your post for the past day or so. I don't have advice from experience, but the way I see it, it is largely a discipline issue and a socialization issue. On the one hand, we want our children to accept their feelings but on the other hand, we want to teach them about proper speech. I know it's a fine line between giving them too much power by letting them think it really gets to you, but then, again, I think, words ARE powerful and we do have feelings so maybe improper expression of negative feelings needs to be punished in a somewhat matter of fact, detached way. A child under 4 or so is probably too young to understand this (I'm not sure) but if I thought my child could understand, I'd probably say something like "It's okay to have feelings, but it is not right to say them sometimes because it hurts other people. You are going to have to be punished and think about what you said." I would think that a child raised in a home where there are consequences to naughty or hurtful behavior would be less likely to be a smart mouthed teenager. I was thinking about growing up and how I NEVER said anything like this to my mother! I simply would not have dared. There was a baseline of respect and it was a line that was simply never crossed.
I liked Ariadne's post on this because it strikes a balance between softly redirecting and applying consequences.
I do understand your hurt feelings. That would crush me, to hear my child say that. I also worry about whether the DE aspect will make things more volatile. I hope not! I do think it is totally normal though, if normal means "happens a lot to a lot of parents." Try not to take it personally!
|This message has been edited by biogal on May 4, 2012 11:56 AM|
This message has been edited by biogal on May 4, 2012 11:45 AM
This message has been edited by biogal on May 4, 2012 11:42 AM