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I feel you

November 12 2014 at 11:38 AM
AC in Boston  (Login GeminiWW)


Response to Is this ever a tad bit hard for you?

 
I feel where you're at. Mostly it doesn't bother me but for some reason my SIL and BIL refusing to consider a donor really rubs me the wrong way. My BIL had cancer so they need a sperm donor to conceive. He refused and when they discuss this with family they get VERY self righteous about how selfish it is to go with a donor when there are so many children in need of adoption into a loving family. I don't argue that it is true that there are many children in need of loving families. I do object that it's a more noble route to creating your family.

Since they decided not to go with a donor they have been in absolute hell. They couldn't afford private adoption so they are working with the state. It's a nightmare. The 2 children placed with them need significant state support. It took over a year for the bio parents to surrender their rights. The kids have 5 other bio siblings with whom the parents will have manage visitation for the remainder of their lives. Additionally they have to comply with court ordered visits with the crack addicted parents. It's brutal. I give them a lot of credit for taking it all on. They adore these children and I can't imagine what the lives of these kids would be like without them. Still- it's challenging to listen to the endless complaining, sob stories about all of it without thinking about this choice. Financially this has been devastating for them- if they had gone with a donor they'd be out a tiny fraction of what they have had to invest since they live in an ins. mandated state.

Now that I'm expecting my poor SIL has had a tough time dealing with it. None of DH's family know we used a donor but I know my SIL suspects. Her family is very excited about our boys. Her adopted children were met with mixed feelings from most of the family. I actually feel like the family should be ashamed of themselves for not being more supportive. I know my SIL is really sad not to have had the experience of carrying her own child. It's been tough not to feel badly toward my BIL because of his inability to accept and consider how his refusal to go with a donor would impact her.


 
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  1. adoption - De2 on Nov 12, 2014, 12:29 PM
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  3. I have to confess.. - BlessedThistle on Nov 12, 2014, 12:43 PM
    1. Re: I have to confess.. - AC in Boston on Nov 12, 2014, 1:09 PM
     
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