Who are any of us to judge? It's just tough to watch SIL be so heart broken when friends and family are pregnant. Makes me wish she were stronger and comfortable pushing for compromise. There's certainly no reason why they couldn't have one gone both routes and have a DS kid and still adopt a child in need. It's super sad to watch her go through this and I know it will take a long time for her to heal. I understand but we miss her. And then of course when they find out later that we went with DE I can only imagine what wounds will re-open for her and what judgments BIL will make. Oh the joys of family.