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November 15 2014 at 8:28 PM
Ariadne  (Login ariadne2)

Response to Is this ever a tad bit hard for you?

Since we have told very, very few people about DE, it is not DE related for me specifically but it is infertility related. We are open about having had to do multiple IVFs to have our boys, & in truth, I want people not to give up because the reward is so sweet. My brother is somewhat in the situation. Or his wife, really, as I think he is fine with one child. I posted years ago & under a different name when they announced her pg. on the heels of my failed OE ivf. Hindsight is so 20/20. Their ds was born very prematurely but survived & they learned she has a uterine problem that makes pg. very unlikely & then very risky. For them, it is purely financial, as other posters mentioned. They know we did DE & my sil is adopted, so it's not any of that. It's their unwillingness to spend a dime on it. My heart breaks a little because I know my sil wanted a 2nd child. But they were & are unwilling to spend anything to get a 2nd child. So I'm sad for them & I want to shake them, but the choice is theirs.

We have encountered other people in similar situations, some with no children. I so want them to go for it because I think it is worth every penny spent & every tear shed, but I understand - as I know you do - that each person or couple has to make that decision.

So while not DE related specifically, I hear you. Yes, it is hard sometimes & my heart breaks for other people who don't take any extra steps. My brother does know & I feel for his wife, but at least they seem to be on the same page, which probably means a lot for them as a couple.

It's probably a different thread, but now that my boys are 7 and 4 1/2, the DE aspect means nothing. Nothing. They are our sons & we are very busy raising them amidst all the challenges of m@dern life. For anyone contemplating DE or pg. & scared, I mean no disrespect. I was there & I do get it. But at this point, it - the wondering about DE & the worry - is so far distant that it's foreign to me. I do remember wondering who they would look like & gazing at their infant faces. Now, they are simply who they are, 100%. Life has a way of sweeping you away & swept away we've been. Never forgetting the miracle of science & another woman who allowed us to have our family but yet being 100% consumed with parenting our children. That is the message I would love to impart - do what you need to do because it will be worth it once you are beyond the hurdl@s. And so yes, it does hurt a bit to see others hurting yet unwilling to more than they are, despite respecting that is their right to do so.

This message has been edited by ariadne2 on Nov 17, 2014 8:53 PM

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