I have not been around much -- big project at work that has been endless. I am only supposed to work 5 hours in the morning but I have also been working on weekends and 2-4 hours each night. The end is in sight so hopefully I will be around more. I have been reading but simply have had very little time to actually log-in and actually post.
Anyway, I just had to post this. Miss O is almost 18 months and we are in awe that this little being found her way to us. Yes, there are times that are not fun (such as how she still gets up most nights and still likes to sleep with Mommy too much, how willful she can be and a few other things), but most of the time she is a fun, happy, curious child. I look at the stress and heartache we went through before we got her and it was all worth it. I was in her room with her this morning. She was walking around in her pajamas, talking to the stuffed kitty, changing out pacis (I guess one tasted better than the other), looking at books, climbing on her rocking chair, playing with the ball (ball is one of the only things she says that we understand) and I felt so blessed. It is so strange and wonderful to see this little PERSON.
There was a post recently about some of the differences between those who don' suffer from IF and those who do. I am in the swing of that right now since most of my big group of friends in Hawaii have now had or are pregnant with their second or third child, perfectly timed for 2 years after the first. It feels like every other day there is a pregnancy announcement or a birth announcement on FB. In most cases, they are having the opposite sex of their first child. Yep, it seems so easy for them. Of course, they are all 10-20 years younger than me so that counts for something. That said, if it was easy for me, I would not have Olivia. I simply can't bear the thought that I would have missed out on THIS child so it did work out the way it should. I was drawn to her donor. She sounded like me on her application which was a big part of it. Although O looks like her dad, there is so much of her that reminds everybody of ME. I truly believe that DH have the baby we were supposed to have all along. That her little soul belonged with us. Nobody else could be her mommy.
I just had to post this since I know you all understand. Thanks for listening.
I know the exact feeling. I think I've posted before about having those day dreams everyone has about being able to go back in time, 10, 20 years and do things differently. I was doing that one day thinking about the different financial, job and personal decisions I would have made. I got to the part in my thinking about how I would have had Nick sooner and I stopped dead in the tracks of my thought and actually had a rush of fear -- like if I kept wishing this, it might come true and that if it did ALL the events that HAD to transpire to create the exact little man I wound up with would not have aligned the same and he would not be here and I immediately stopped that thinking. How would I EVER find that SAME egg, that SAME sperm the SAME everything?! I have not had that day dream again.
Another cycle buddy who knows where you and sas are coming from. I cannot believe how much we love our little fella and how he is the one that we were supposed to have. Yes, they definitely challenge us, don't they, but they are the BEST. We also really love this age. I know what you mean about the sleeping arrangements. He has always slept with us and it is what has worked for us. We feel at ease with him sleeping in-between us and I love looking over at him when he is sleeping.
And I understand completely. DD is a wonderful mix of her dad and me. We 'recognize' ourselves in things she says and the ways she acts. It is a wonderful feeling. I can't imagine any other child being a better fit to us.
This was such a beautiful post. I truely believe we have the child we are intended, by whatever higher power to have and they are just perfect for us. No matter what we thought we wanted or needed what we have is loved so much that nothing could have been better.