at the young age of 56...he will never see his kids marry...he will never see his Grandchildren...we miss him so, so much
I'm normally a private person...not sure why I'm posting this...perhaps it's cathartic... I don't know
Happy Fathers Day to all the wonderful Daddys on this board who walked beside each of us and gave us strength to walk on through our IF journeys
Give your Dads/Husbands a tight hug today
Love to all....
He walked through life as a great gentleman. A quiet, reserved man who approached everything and everyone with respect, dignity and grace. He had great humility. Although his life was full of numerous accomplishments, it was not his way to brag or call attention to himself; he was unassuming. He was committed and loyal to his wife and family. He was a devoted father to his children and devoted husband to his wife. His wit was like no other...always perfectly timed...this trait was inherited by his children. When those beautiful blue-gray eyes twinkled, you knew he was preparing to say something brilliantly witty! He lived life on a straight track...perfectly grounded and never losing his way. He was never one to complain. He was compassionate and tolerant of all views and all others. He had a great ability to see the good in everything. He walked through life peacefully and walked through his disease with the same sense of peace.
Some believe ones character is truly revealed during a time of adversity, crisis or challenge...His character was true throughout his life...and through his illness.
On the day of his DX, my bro had a road to choose. While many would have chosen a road of despair and dead ends...my bro chose to remain true to his character and follow the road less traveled...a pitched battle against formidable odds.
In the words of Robert Frost's, The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference
In reflecting on Frost's words...I draw a parallel between Frost's poem and my bro's journey.
He was very aware of his future destination. He did not stand alone, however. He stood with his dear and beloved wife. Together they stood. Together they looked into the future and together they chose the better claim; the road less traveled. His wife got right to work becoming my bro's tireless and committed advocate consulting every expert in the field and researching all and every possible treatment plan. My bro chose to walk that grassy road. He chose to fight the fight with the valiant spirit and determination of a great warrior. He wore down that grassy road with his will and spirit to live for his family. The road was bumpy full of unpredictable twists and turns. The road was risky...full of questionable challenges. The road presented frequent trials...days of rain...steep hills to climb...days of fog...windy days which brought turbulence. Yet...he was steadfast, persevered and never faltered. He continued to walk on to fight the fight because of his endearing love for his wife and children.
He walked the walk selflessly. Although it was clear that he was not feeling well my bro always thought of others before thinking of himself. He brought bouquets of flowers to me and my sister...for no reason...a "NO DAY" gift from a man suffering so. While enduring such pain, he appeared at a special needs fundraiser for children and was determined to walk a mile. On a particularly difficult and challenging day for my bro, he got himself up...got dressed...and appeared at his mother's side to celebrate her 79th birthday. Most would have chosen a different road...not my bro. While knowing where the road would take him...he continued walking with dignity and grace. He continued walking with great sense of character. He continued walking with a twinkle in those beautiful blue-gray eyes that have the brilliance to light up one's soul. He continued to walk in peace...never complaining...never drawing attention to himself. He continued to walk with inspiration. His example to his children continued on. He continued to encourage them to follow their dreams no matter what may lie at the end of the road for their Dad.
Indeed, I shall tell this with a sigh...my SIL has lost her dear husband, her children have lost their father, my parents have lost a son, we have lost a brother and a dear, true friend. Somewhere ages and ages hence we pray the burden of our loss will ease. He chose a road less traveled. He did not give up. He kept fighting...despite his pain...despite his fear...despite his worries. He conducted himself in life in the same way he conducted himself through his illness... He braved his battle and left this world with the same quiet dignity and steadfast strength of character with which he lived his life. As family & friends we have all learned from his example...that even in the greatest despair one can choose a road of dignity, grace, serenity and humility...and in Frost's words..."that has made all the difference"
My dear brother...
I find strength in the words of the man you introduced me to at the age of 13...Bruce Springsteen
Familiar faces around me
Laughter fills the air
Your loving grace surrounds me
We WILL someday Meet at Mary's Place...and when we do ...we WILL have one heck
of a party.
Thank you so much for sharing. Your brother was clearly a great man and I am honored that you shared a little bit of him with us. Hugs to you as you grieve the loss of this great father, husband, brother, man.
I can't imagine what a difficult day this must have been. I'm so sorry that your IRL friends have not stepped up and been the support that you need. Know you can always come here for support or a cyber hug whenever you feel the need.
Always appreciate my cyber friends. I spend time on a widow's board now, and the disappearing act with friends is not unusual, though hurtful just the same. Folks don't know what to say, how to act, and we're the odd ones out. Add to that the fact that we're older parents, and we were expecting to make new 'kid-friendly' friends... Needless to say, I haven't had the time, and now it's like the women think you're after their husbands for heavens sake! Anyway thanks... The day was excruciating, made all the more so by the fact that I SO did not expect it to be...
Thanks Murph. No, have no family here and interestingly, most friends AWOL since Phil's death. It's very difficult. But I managed to make it through, with tears and some yelling, and Frankie's bedtime is soon. I grilled steaks and made Ghiradelli turtle brownie sundaes for dessert in honor of Daddy. Your brother sounded very much like Phil; really loved your sentiments.
I lost my cousin to pancreatic cancer in January as you know. The way you describe your brother is undeniable coming from a loyal and devoted sister. Parents and wifes loose sons and husbands, but very few sisters have a beautiful relationship with the brother as you describe. I feel your loss and your love in your post. May God continue to comfort you. This year has been a bit rocky with the losses we have suffered, we have so much to be grateful for in 2012 but the losses sit beside the blessings, and we try hard to be humble and noble, but its not always easy. I must now get on the phone and call friends who have suffered a similar loss of a great man in their lives, my aunt who is now an only child, both her mother and only sibling my dad gone on ahead of her. Thank you for sharing this tribute and reminding us of the great man your brother was, I am sure many who read your post think of the great men in their lives and the ones they have lost. Anytime you need to talk email me at cavalier_1 at msn dot com
Murph, that is a lovely piece, I am so sorry for your recent loss
June 17 2012, 10:02 PM
I haven't been around a lot on the boards , but I just wanted to pop in to say what a nice tribute. I hope you and your gang are doing well. I l'ost my mom in april so we too have been grieving. We are still in France and all is going well here. Take care and hope you are well.joy