Some of you may recall I posted a few weeks back about needing to use a GC and wondering about inducing lactation. Well, today I found out my GC backed out. I am heartbroken. I had invested so much time in finding her and she gave some lame excuse for backing out. It took me so long to even come to terms with having to use a GC, and now I have to go through the whole process again. I already feel so old (46) and now this delay just makes me feel worse. I feel like I am somehow being punished.
This message has been edited by wnpink on Jul 2, 2012 3:15 PM
the path to becoming a mom through the various ttc methods is SUCH a frustrating one. Although I did not use a GC, I was "dumped" by several egg donors along the way -- usually with little to no logical reason why and after tons of money and emotion went into moving forward with them. In hindsight it was just a sign that they were not the right person for me and in the end it did work out.
I CAN speak as to age -- after 8 years of ttcing I had my DS at age 49 and I don't think twice about it now. MANY other ladies your age and older have become mothers on this board by various means. I would really put the age thing out of your mind.
I know starting ALL over again with the search can be daunting and exhausting but, in the end, you will know what to look for and what's important. Sadly, each cycle that fails either b/c a pregnancy didn't occur or a donor or surro backed out makes us just a bit more jaded, but, it also helps us recognize what we need to look for in the next -- what is truly important.
Hugs to you....you will get there and once you are holding your baby, you will have trouble remembering how you are feeling right now. This surro wasn't for you - it's as simple as that, but there is one out there that is and was meant to be.
This message has been edited by sangelas on Jul 2, 2012 3:47 PM
It totally sucks when things could go forward except for some one thing that stops everything. It's so easy to get discouraged. As far as age goes, I do understand what you mean. I can recall 5 years into our ttc efforts how devastating it was to me to turn 40. That number was so different from 'late 30s" somehow.
But, I am slightly older than you and currently working on our second child. And no one has batted an eye. You won't stand out as a 47-year-old new mom. Not much anyway.
I sincerely hope the progress goes much faster for you this time and that you ADORE your new gc. Best of luck to you.
(Also, if you need this kind of advice: May I suggest you specifically title a new thread inquirimg about gcs and where to find them, so the ladies who are in the know can respond.)
This happened to me with donors. I think we had 3 or 4 donors back out/not come through for us when we were trying to cycle. It was so difficult and frustrating...I clearly remember posting about it on here and getting lots of support. We finally did find a donor and cycled and now have our amazing dd. It will all be okay when you finally have your child...lots of hugs to you.
I'm sorry the GC you had selected is not going to work out. I really hope you can find another lady soon. I'm looking forward to hearing future stories about the induced lactation. And you are not too old either.
I went through something similar with donors. I started trying for #2 back in Jan 2009 and went through 4 donors either not passing screening or backing out finally a year later we cycled and I ended up with a chemical and no frozen and we had to start all over. I wasn't too discouraged at the time. My thinking was I guess it can't be any worse than this. I was wrong. We even changed agencies thinking maybe it was something with the agency. It took us from Jan 2011 until June 2012 to cycle. I lost count of how many donors we lost. We even had one donor back out after I had already started meds and we had paid big money to have her tested. I was so frustrated and really felt like I was being punished and maybe I wasn't meant to have another. The only reason I moved forward was because I didn't want to back out and lose the money I had already invested in the process. I really just wanted to cycle get my BFN (which I assumed was going to be the case) and just move on. I ended up getting preg that cycle and had my boys this Feb and now I know why I had all those issues. These were the children I was meant to have so I had to go through all that to get here. My theory on this is I think with the economy being so bad that a lot of people are signing up just thinking about the money but then when it comes down to really doing it they can't. One thing that helped me was when someone dropped out it always signaled to me they weren't serious about the process and if they weren't serious I would rather not waste my money on a donor (or GC) that's not 100% committed and who would just go through it half a$$ to get the money. Sorry you are going through this and I hope you find a great new GC soon!
You are not being punished you are being protected...
July 3 2012, 7:20 PM
If this does not happen peacefully and joyfully it will be stressful. Her backing out is a very good thing, she is not the GC you want or need. It shows fate steered her away from you and your dreams. If she stayed she may have caused stress and heartache during the time. Its ok to grieve about starting over, but pray for the perfect match that will make this a beautiful joyful experience. You will find the right GC and you will one day hold your child. My prayers are with you as you continue to seek guidance and strength to find your GC. Pray for guidance and direction, it will be given to you.
I really appreciate all of your responses. I haven't told anyone about using a GC yet, and DH doesn't really understand the stress I feel about it, so all of your responses really helped to lift my mood. I spoke to the agency and they are looking to see if there is another GC that could start fairly soon, so hopefully I won't be delayed too much. Also, thanks for making me feel better about my age