Really?November 21 2014 at 10:49 AM
|Pinkduck (Login pinkbrid)|
So my friend tells me that her girlfriend is pregnant at 47 and she only used IVF - no DE. Have things changed that much that clinics can get a 47 year old pregnant with her own eggs? I guess she could have been freezing her eggs for the last 10 years but I doubt it. My friend totally believes it was her own eggs.
|Maggie in VA|
Was it in the U.S.?
|November 21 2014, 11:35 AM |
Maybe this was an FET cycle from a previous retrieval when the woman was younger?
Don't know if you saw this, but we're actually touching on this in a discussion on the yellow board with a 49yo whose RE is encouraging her to do an OE cycle. I did read a post from a prospective Zlin patient on the support forum for that clinic from a woman in Japan who said she had done OE cycles at 47, I think it was. DE is illegal in Japan, so REs will work longer and harder with patients with their OE. Of course, she was at the Zlin site because it hadn't worked.
Now, when I was ttc, a woman contacted me when she read a post I made on another list, and she said her RE cycled her over-45 with her OE and did I want her doctor's name? Well, I was perimenopausal, so no. It's also not clear to me that she had actually succeeded as she was on the ttc/tta list. As other women noted on the yellow board, 46 is officially the oldest recorded age for success with OE IVF. Now, I personally suspect (another yellow board conversation) that some RE has cycled an over-45 under the table that may have resulted in a child, but others pointed out that that RE would be eager to trumpet his success. I'm more skeptical: I think the concern for patient privacy coupled with the censure the RE might experience for doing it could lead both parties to keep it quiet.
Other than that, I think that it might be interesting to "arm" your friend with that little factoid about 46 being the oldest recorded age and let her drop it quietly into conversation with her friend: "You know, I read that the oldest woman on the record to succeed with IVF with her own eggs was 46. Aren't you concerned the media will learn about you and invade your privacy?"
Maggie (in VA)
|This message has been edited by maggie1961 on Nov 21, 2014 11:41 AM|
things have not changed-
|November 21 2014, 11:53 AM |
either your friend did DE or she was using a banked embryo from when she was younger. There is a slight chance that she was cycling with previously frozen eggs but that would mean she was also a medical miracle because the general success rate from frozen eggs is for those frozen under the age of 35 (although I do now of a 39 year old)
Generally people do not tell their casual friends that used donor eggs- on this board we are all pretty savvy about the slight white lies to tell to protect privacy...
|This message has been edited by PiperJones on Nov 21, 2014 12:14 PM|
heard same stories
|November 21 2014, 12:44 PM |
My old boss where I used to work, told me she has a friend who succeeded with IVF at age 49, using her "own egg". Of course, I knew it wasn't true, but I didn't say anything.
I sometimes feel that DE moms have this secret knowledge that the rest of society does not have yet.
I flat out lied to a friend
|November 21 2014, 1:55 PM |
Long story, but a friend "outed" me to another friend and I sat in my kitchen and completely denied it and assured her I used my own eggs. I felt like I was betraying my boys in some way by lying, but I also made a promise to DH that we would tell the boys before telling others. I remember her saying, "Yeah, I knew they were your kids!" as if they wouldn't be my kids if they were from the DE...
Maybe this woman cycled when she was still 46 but it now 47? It's possible of course, but highly unlikely as we know. And it's cases like this that have women trying with their own eggs for an eternity, hoping against hope they'll fall into that teeny tiny percentage. I was 43 when I decided to move on. The success rate for 42-43 year olds is so low I didn't even want to risk it.
|Maggie in VA|
I had an almost opposite experience . . .
|November 22 2014, 4:13 PM |
Due to my age, I've never tried to conceal the fact that I used DE. It would just be pointless. Anyway, I think I mentioned that on our vacation, I ran into a family at the hotel pool with a pre-teen I strongly suspected of being AS and a child about Bobby's age who seemed to have similar issues to Bobby -- and the two little boys really hit it off. I was very curious, and I'm sure the other mom was curious, and she finally approached me. It turned out that I was correct that the older boy was ASD, while the young boy had sensory issues.
At some point in the conversation, she asked me whether they were "mine." Older moms are used to this question being expressed this way. I took her to mean were they adopted (adopted children so frequently having neurobehavioral issues), and I replied, no, they're mine, but they were conceived through IVF. She replied that she used to be an IVF nurse, and we talked some more.
Well, later I realized, being an IVF nurse, she likely meant were they my genetic children, and I cringed at the possibility that she thought I was lying about them being "mine," especially as I have no desire to conceal it, unless there's a good reason. And I still feel uncomfortable wondering whether she thought I'm one of those vain, silly, older women who thinks she can fool people about using DE.
Maggie (in VA)
Re: I had an almost opposite experience . . .
|November 22 2014, 5:00 PM |
I would not worry what that nurse thought about you, not at all. Even if your children were adopted, they would still be "yours". I would probably answer, "of course they are mine, who else do you think they belong to?"
|Maggie in VA|
I actually wasn't offended in the context . . .
|November 24 2014, 6:32 AM |
Because we were discussing our kids' special needs, and it was relevant. And I'm not stressed out it; it's just one of those things out there that gives us a little cringe if we think someone took it the wrong way, KWIM? Maggie (in VA)
Barge- great to "see " you PD
|November 21 2014, 4:06 PM |
First, IMHO, I think the person was not willing to tell your friend about donor egg. I don't think things have changed that much in ART.
It is so great to "see" you. I often wonder how you are doing. I miss seeing you around, but as busy as I am with my 2 1/2 yo, I can only imagine how busy you are with 4! Please be sure to update during the thanksgiving roll call. Miss you. Hugs.
|November 21 2014, 6:11 PM |
Hi PD! I highly doubt it was OE. I had an acquaintance get pg at 46 (she tried for many years after having number one easily) and her husband told me (unasked) that the dr insisted they transfer just one and that it would work. I was like...okay. I felt like he basically told me the true story (that it was DE), without meaning to.
|This message has been edited by Pandora-VA on Nov 21, 2014 6:16 PM|
|November 22 2014, 6:59 AM |
If it had been her own 46 year old eggs, they would have transferred more than one embryo, that's for sure.
I know a woman who had triplets at age 46 and although I never asked, she volunteered the information that they were her "own egg". What are the odds of getting pregnant with triplets, and having 3 live births (all chromosomally normal and perfectly healthy), when someone is 46?
And the funny thing is
|November 21 2014, 8:00 PM |
The friend that told me about the pregnancy knows I did DE - so she should know that at 47 it is really unrealistic. I said to her "I guess she banked her eggs a long time ago but if she really did use her OE she would probably be published in medical journals". In any case, I am happy for the friend.
Life is busy - my oldest DE child is about to turn 10 and my youngest just turned 5. My twins are 7. For those interested, my kids have very little interest in the whole DE thing - they know about it but are more interested in many other things at this stage.