This is such a serious issue, and I don't feel like my post will do justice to the topic, but I need to respond. Like you, I have had thoughts like "what is the point to my life?". I am very sorry for your losses. Miscarriage is a major life tragedy and should be treated as such. After my recent m/c (I think I've had 2, but the first one was undiagnosed and very early), I realized that my problem was not entirely IF, but my OBSESSIVE THOUGHTS about IF. A lot of us get stuck in an obsessive rut that sucks the joy out of life, but it doesn't have to be like that. My point is that you really still can find a way to enjoy life. It is possible, but it takes a concerted effort to step back and get perspective on things. I think that is where professional help and even medicine can really be of benefit. You are not alone! Also, you are younger than many of the women on the pg board, and have an FSH much much lower than most. I really think you have time to take a month or two to try to pull away from obsessing on TTC. Get help, or if you don't want to do that, start making it a priority to do fun things like listen to music, dance, be with friends, get a dog, anything that will hold your interest and make you feel good. There is a way to get back to your old self, I am sure of it. Keep away from internet TTC groups for a little while. Also, it has helped me a lot to figure out my plan B, which is to adopt. I have been reading stories about happy adoptions, and thinking about all the people I know who have adopted or are adopted and feel very close and happy with their adoptive families. Instead of running the negative thoughts in your head over and over, have some positive thoughts that you replay when you start to feel down. You could think of my mother in law who had 2 mc back to back and then went on to have 8 kids, or my best friend's mother who had 2 mc and went on to have two healthy pg in her mid 30s. It sounds so simplistic, but I really think a shift is focus is the key.
You have time, you are young, and your FSH is not that high. Dealing with IF and miscarriage is a difficult situation to be in, but this is not the end of all happiness in your life.
Please take care,
A
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