First off please know that this site doesn't get as many hits as others thus our delayed response (I mainly post on the new high fsh board when you're ready stop by). Please don't take that as no one cares how you are feeling, I'm sure by the time you get to my post you'll have realized that we do care.
The pain you are feeling is so very clear through your post and your thoughts of not knowing what your kids will be or look like and not wanting any more pain are fears many of us have each day. I know I feel them everyday. I too have had early losses, I have been TTC #1 for over 3 years now (been off bcp for 6 years now). I have been in the state of mind you are in now wanting an end to the pain, but as you know taking your life isn't the answer and I'm glad those thoughts you’re having scare you. I hope they scare you so much that you take the next step and talk with someone.
You have taken a large step coming here talking about this as the others have said it's important that you talk w/ someone. Maybe try a consoler someone who isn't licensed to prescribe meds. They will be more willing to help you release your pain and help you find yourself again than to just give you some pills. Look into your local Resolve chapter for recommendation for someone experienced with IF related depression.
You ask how you will get through it. Today it may be a struggle to get through each minute but as the days past those minutes will become hours than days, life will return to what you want if you let it and if you're ready to let it. I wish I could fix this for you, but unfortunately it's gone to take time.
Hang in there and please know I am here for you.
(((HUGS)))
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