I wanted to encourage those of you on the long journey. When I found your site so many years ago, my first impression was that so many longing for a baby facing tremendous odds, this is an inborn and God-given desire. There must be a reason beyond human explanation for the perseverance, and fortitude we all show in this difficult emotional journey of infertility!
1/20/05- "Patient w/severe diminshed ovarian reserve on the basis of elevated FSH level. The patient now understands that the chances of her achieving pregnancy while not 0 are very, very low and perhaps onthe order of less than 1%. I noted that the only reliable way of achieving a pregnancy would be the use of donor oocyte. I also recommended that they consider psychological support given the fact that this is a sever an ddevastating diagnosis to have."--Ruben Alvero
Devastating? yes-excruciatingly! especially as he foretold my future in a this is what it will be sort of way. My husband always the eternal optimist said now it is in God's hands. My husband and IWe determined to go the nutritional route to try to alter the FSH, and had my FSH and progesterone tested twice a month for 5 months beyond the previous 3 or so months of doing bloodwork to reach the foresaid devastating conclusion. Veins seemed to scar up and be unable to give blood after all this.
Once again we consulted with a fertility specialist 6/2/05. "1.Secondary inability to conceive/ 2.Advanced maternal age/ 3.Abnormal day 3 studies suggestive of diminshed ovarian reserve/ 4. Small left ovary and no visulaization of the right ovary also consistent with diminished ovarian reserve. Plan: 1. have offered couple a cycle of gonadotropins, IUI, though I have not encouraged same due to the epected fecundity of less than 1% 2.Couple was reminded that there is a very high success rate with donor egg cycle and advised she would also be a candidate for donor embryos." Dr. Silverstein
Once again prayed and regrouped with husband- decided to go the acupuncture way as the fertility doctors had basically said I was beyond help. After 5 weeks of acupuncture I was pregnant with Samuel whom I lost at almost 15 weeks into the pregnancy. Had supplementary progesterone- still lost the baby. He was small and his size didn't match with his gestational age.
Continued acupuncture for a time and finally gave that up. Became pregnant with another baby approx. 6 months later. Watched my progesterone crash despite supplementation. Lost the baby at 6 weeks into the pregnancy with a 5 week wait to miscarry. Sometime immediately previous or shortly after I asked my ob/gyn for an ultrasound to measure my antral follicles found that they were also beyond hope for a baby to come from them.
Besides being emotionally drained after all this, my body was just worn out. It seemed as though I had chronic fatigue. I would wake up drained and unrested from my night's sleep. I felt edgy, anxious, fearful, and as though I was losing my nerve. I finally pursued help with Future of Wellness after researching about hormones and reading the book Hormone Heresy by Sherill Sellman. She confirmed the validity of having my hormones checked through a saliva test. In the process, she discovered that I had adrenal exhaustion. This is a dianosis unrecognized by the medical community rather the holistic community. She explained that my body because displaced stresses, anxiety, panic attacks previously in life- my thyroid/ adrenals had become imbalanced such that my progesterone was being converted to cortisol (stress hormone) to help me cope with life. This was somewhat of an Ah Ha! for me. I had, had a lot of stress in life, and following the birth of my 2nd child, I noticed that my hormones and body never seemed to balance. I had become edgy, nervous, fearful, obsessive, and just didn't seem myself. The infertility doctors didn't acknowledge this though. They just looked at the FSH and other indicators.
After 9 months seeking to simply balance my body and hormones using cream from Sabre Sciences created for my personal hormone imbalances with the goal of achieving good health along with continuing the nutritional regimen as well as finding peace with my life without any additional children, I did conceive Isaiah. This was a very challenging and trepidatious pregnancy journey. I had to come to peace and try to appreciate that I had him inside, yet my heart had a very difficult time attaching to the baby- didn't even realize I was pregnant until labor. My fertility journey ended on 6/3/08 after 4 emotionally grueling years with a precious baby boy. I choose to believe God gave me this child using the natural ways of addressing my body to work a healing and bring me a miracle child.
I would like to consider having more, but based on the pain and challenge of this journey, I rest in thankfulness for this miracle. Be your own health care advocates and research what your doctor's tell you. What they say isn't the final word. Blessings on you all.
With appreciation for you and each of your journeys,
Found encouragement from the books- Hannah's Hope & Moments for Couples Longing for Children