Vent...Going back to RE tomorrow..anyone know how to NOT cry?

Ok...so, I was posting at the High FSH forum and just noticed this one so sorry if some of you have heard my story before.

I am 36 years old and have a 3 year old daugther via ADI. I am a single mom by choice. I always pictured myself with at LEAST 2 children so was devastated to go to RE1 and be told that I had high FSH. Now I am at RE2, he also said I have high FSH, it was 36 last I heard of...I actually was secretly hoping that they messed up and put my age in as my fsh..but no such luck.

Last week I had u/s and b/w etc and was phoned by RE, at work no less, to be told that it was high and that there wasn't much chance of conceiving etc and that I could look at DE or embryo. I am still on the fence as to how I feel about that part...I thought explaining to my DD about donor sperm would be hard...this would add a whole new element. What I am extemely upset about is the casual way RE's seem to throw around terms such as 'never conceive', 'no hope' etc. I know they are used to telling people that but surely they recognize that WE aren't exactly used to people telling us our lifes dream is over. I cried on the phone and he seemed rather surprised that I was upset. He kept saying 'oh..are you sure you're ok'...if I wasn't at work I would have screamed 'of course i'm not ****ing OK dammit'. Also, I know using donors is a possibility but as you all now, having one child already, fincancal information is pretty critical when deciding what route to take.

So, tomorrow morning i am going back in to be re-tested. I know full well that the results will be the same seeing as I haven't had AF now in 51 days and showed no sign of ovulating or anything last week. I suppose I should be thankful that RE2 at least invited me back instead of just ushering me out the door with the first one.

Now we come to my real question. Does anyone have any tips for not bawling in the RE's office? or not bawling at work when you get the dreaded phonecall? I find it truly mortifying to cry in public and it's even worse when the people are acting surprised by your tears. I know it's ok to cry etc, but believe me..I ain't pretty when I cry and I have to come to work right afterwards and really don't want to talk to coworkers about what is wrong with me. I can't take a sick day because that's what I did last week to go to the appointment in the first place.

In terms of DE, donor embryo, I am assuming that there is a lengthy wait so I am pre-upset with hearing what the wait might be. Being upset all the time can't really help with fertility so it's a viscious cycle.

Sorry for writing a novel. No response required, just needed to get it out.

Joanna