I am back to this board after a long struggle with secondary infertility. I successfully conceived my DS, who is now 16 months old!! I can't believe it. I will be posting my story later, for all of you who need your spirits lifted. I have been there, and know what you are going through. Although I am TTC again, without much luck, I am in a better place now. If I can't have another child, I will be okay with it, although I very much want another for my DS sake. I want him to have a sibling close in age. However, that is another subject.
The reason I am posting is that I would like some advice about a situation, regarding my sister- in- law, who is currently pregnant. When I became pregnant with my DS, she never congratulated me and seemed very indifferent about it, even though she was aware of my struggle to conceive and the fact that I had two previous miscarriages. She didn't attend my baby shower, and once DS was born, she never visited him. Her husband, my husband's brother came by himself. She only saw him twice in his first year of life. Once at six months, because WE came to their house at Christmas, and for his first birthday, which she was pressured by family to attend. Both times she showed absolutely no interest in him. She never asked to hold him, made no comments about him, and hardly looked at him. My husband and I feel very hurt by her behavior. This is my DS aunt, and she hardly acknowledges him. Not to mention, for his first Christmas she gave him a sweatshirt for a two year old (he was 6 months). It was very impersonal. For his first birthday she gave him a bag of used toys, that looked like they were from a garage sale. Nothing was age appropriate or even something he would like. Again, very impersonal and almost passive aggressive if you ask me.
I supposed her behavior could be attributed to her own stuggle with IF, although she never confided in me or anyone else in the family about it. We are just guessing. I have a hard time excusing her behavior, because I myself struggled to conceive and never behaved that way towards others who were pregnant or had babies. As hard as it was, I still tried to be happy for others, and even went to a baby shower two weeks after miscarrying. I realize not everyone can do what I did, and others may have a harder time dealing with IF. However, I can't get over the hurt I feel about the way I was treated and the way she's ignored my DS since his birth. My husband is very hurt and angry as well.
The problem is that this is my husband's brother's wife. Although she is not biologically related to our child, she is still obligated to treat him like a nephew. Now she is pregnant, and we want to be happy for my brother in law, but our resentment towards his wife is making it very difficult. Maybe now that she is pregnant she will start being nice to our DS, but it doesn't make up for what she's done in the past. We can't get over it. I know we should put the past behind for our childrens sake, but it's very hard. I don't think I can attend her baby shower, or be overly excited for her, when she treated me and my DS so bad.
Can anyone understand what I'm going through with this? I thought I would get the opinion from those of you struggling with IF, because you might be able to offer some insight from HER perspective, that would help me to forgive her and get rid of this resentment.
I realize that many of you are dealing with difficult emotions regarding other peoples babies and pregnancies. Believe me, I felt that way myself when I was going through it. But no matter how bad I felt, I would never let it show as blatantly as she did. For some reason, I feel that if it was one of her friends or her own sibling, she would not have acted that way. I almost feel that it's something personal against me. My mother-in-law thinks so too.
Anyway, does anyone have any advice or wisdom to share with me on this matter? I'm really having a hard time with it.