I have been reading all the post about high fsh for over a year and never posted a message. This is my first time. I'm at the end of my rope kinda feeling and very exhausted of waiting. I want to move on and accept the loss of having another child. I want to end the feeling of hopelessness, frustration, and depression so I can enjoy life again. I had many treatments like many of you from clomid/IUI cycle x3. FSH/IUI x1. IVF x2 cycles cancelled and converted to IUI. It has been very stressful for me that I developed an anxiety disorder ie obsession of cutting my hair with scissor which I'm trying to get rid of. I began to see a therapist. She said I have this anxiety/nervous tick because of the anticipatory loss (not able to conceive again or ever). I have another reason why I'm obsessed about my hair. I guess with peri menopause (having a high fsh) my hair texture changed from soft/thin to course, thick, and dry (of course, hair dyes aggravate it more). Basically I'm having a very difficult time accepting the changes in my body. I was in total denial but now I'm slowly accepting what could be my fate after nearly 4 years of trying. I went from very confident(concieved #1 in 2 months) to falling in my knees and praying. My husband wants DE and doesn't want adoption. I'm not ready to have DE. I have a 6yr old son that I adore. Can I hear from somebody who have the same situation and conceived despite the odds.
Thanks, Shiel
I'm sorry for what you are going through. It sounds like you are hurting so much. Wish I knew how to reply. I don't have success stories to share, unfortunately; most of us here are trying also.
Hi Belen, I read enough posting that I know a little about each of us. I work as a nurse in neontal intensive care unit (NICU). I see enough pregnant women who are about to deliver and babies being born and few babies ending up in NICU. Being IF for 4yrs sucks where I work. It's a constant reminder or bombardment of how IF I am. I cry often when I'm at work especially when I discharge babies home to their parents when they are well. I often take that short break to the bathroom to cry and pull myself together. I wanted to reply to your old message about DE and age. I've seen babies born from DE IVF. The oldest mother was 54 yrs old. She delivered a healthy twin boys. This was also her 3rd DE IVF. She had a previous child who was 5.5 yr old. I'm not saying you should wait these long. You have plenty of time to think through. I think the maximum age most clinic will accept is 50 yr old. My husband wants me to have DE. I have some time to think about it. By the way, thank you for your reply. I needed somebody to hear/read my story and your reply was kind and genuine.
Thanks. Shiel
Wow, it must be so hard to work with babies all day. One of the REs in the practice that I was going too years ago was also infertile. She had suffered several m/c's and had failed to IVF cycles. She told me she was done trying and was moving to adoption. She also said that she was happy to be able to help other women and that it didn't make it her feel sorry for herself--I'm still not sure if that could possibly be true!
About DE. Not sure what old post you are referring too. I have actually done DE in the past, after many failed IVF cycles with my own eggs; my twin girls are from DE-IVF. I was hoping that it might be different this time around, since I'm having better periods and there are SO MANY stories of women who get pg naturally afterwards (besides I'm still relatively young at 34); but it doesn't look like it's going to happen so I will just do a new DE cycle. The genetics part is not a big deal to me; but getting pg naturally would be much better in so many ways (financially, feeling normal instead of useless, excitement and surprise, DE cycles can fail, etc).
Belen you are right. I've seen some stories here women getting pregnant after a successful DE. In fact I just read one on the 2ndary IF board. I really hope you can get pregnant and you are still young.
Thanks for your post about DE. It helps me consider it. I actually know of a friend's friend. She has twin girls from DE and she loves them dearly as if they are her own and she has an older son conceived naturally. Right now, I'm just worried that biological connection may play such a role and I may treat them differently.
Hi Kendall, I'm sorry about your AF. I got my period too couple days ago. Every single time my AF arrives I'm always in a panic/depression/anxiety state. Every month for the last 4 yrs, it has been a roller coaster for me and each time I don't think I can move on and survive. In the end I have to do it for my DS and DH's sake. I have to keep my sanity for them. We all have to hang in there and keep going.
P.S. thanks for your reply which gave me a little hope.