I did benefit from the experiences in certain ways that I believe apply only to me because my personal situation was so unusual. I really blossomed at these places personality wise because of all the other students I was around. I'm alot more bold when I used to feel I was "not allowed" to communicate certain issues and problems I had now I feel that I can but I'm not sure if that is a result of my being older with more experiences or what.
I was really unusual in that I was searching for "truth" before I came to MP and that search had led me to God but I got really stumped at Jesus because I couldn't figure out what he was all about. I mean I'm sure everyone is on a search for truth but I was really trying to break it down so that I could write lyrics or draw pictures that had a message and so I had to know what life was all about and existence so that I could have a message. Since I was little I grew up going to church and hearing the Bible. Ever since I was about 10 I chose the King James Bible as my prefered translation because I was in "Bible Drill" at church and I chose to use the King James even though everyone else used the NIV but I thought the radio was only anouncers and classical music until I turned 12 and got a CD player with a radio because my parents controlled the radio in the car. Also my mom didn't even want my brother and I listening to Christian pop music and we didn't have cable or the Internet until after MP. I think I liked the KJV because it sounded like song lyrics- rock or rap or something in some way- it just stimulated my mind more.
I liked to draw and my parents and especially my art teachers really encouraged me to do art so I got into art. When I turned 12 and discovered the radio my parents gave in and I went wild with that which encoraged my creativity so that was when I wanted to write songs so I could get a message out- I was a way for me to express myself but I really had nothing to express and I was into the whole "finding myself" thing so I was trying to create a self and a personality and find truth but it was all rolled into the same thing which was art and music and making friends and getting to know people which allowed me to become myself.
Middle school was my spiritual awakening when I started to get interested in reading the Bible because I wanted to get inspiration to write songs and write in general, poems, anything I could get attention for because attention allowed me to learn and to know things and to become someone in relation to everyone else and in the world because I wanted to do something and make a difference in the world and change the world for good. I wanted a purpose and the Bible stated truth and so my purpose was to spread the truth which was wisdom about life and the Bible had alot of that.
When I got to high school I was friends with alot of kids who really enjoyed art and music and writing and poetry and wanted to know the truth and so I started keeping a composition scetchbook when I took the story of Noah's ark from the KJV and wrote a verse on each page and illustrated very broadly through my imagination something I thought was interesting and new and creative, I would draw my own ideas for the pictures but I would make sure the picture was about the verse at the same time but I would focus on a broader meaning for the verse but my whole idea for the picture was to meditate on the verse. I was on a bunch of acid that summer after 9th grade and during that 9th grade year I smoked cigarettes and weed a good bit- I always had cigarettes and I could always get weed.
I started doing drugs when people would look at my art and writing and ask me if I had ever done drugs and they would say they couldn't believe I never had and that I could really write amazing things on drugs so it sounded good to me and most of the role models in the media approved them and that is what I wanted to be and so I would do drugs for inspiration to find the truth about myself and God- because God is inside me- a part of me- I got God confused with myself because I couldn't figure out what either of them were and so I thought everyone was God's essence although not the person God but basically God as God's image and so my song I wrote on acid about God saying His name is "I AM" makes me think "I am" so who am I? and who is God? I am is what God's image is I believed.
I went to MP right after starting tenth grade and it made me focus on things I wasn't focusing on. I wasn't allowed to draw. I learned a pretty good cleaning ethic and cleaning is pretty fun, I don't know if I would enjoy cleaning without the help of MP. I learned to soak in what people said and focus on the words just like focusing on the Bible words or song lyric words. MP simplified alot of things for me. I had alot of fun at MP which was becuase of using the KJ Bible and learning all about God and Jesus and having so much time to focus on the Bible. I enjoyed having to do that which I feel guilty for because I know no one else had their identity wrapped so much in that so I loved that but I know my situation was very unique. I'm glad I learned how to dress the way we did because that comes very naturally for me now when I want to dress up and look nice for a social event I'll have fun wearning the makeup and doing my hair, I enjoy looking sophisticated because MP made it fun and part of my identity. MP made cleaning part of my identity- It seems alot of my identity is tied up with MP. The system of status seemed to help me somehow but I'm not sure how.
MP did help me but I think I missed alot of opportunities and good developmental experiences but maybe I just missed alot of confusion. I really have no idea. I just know that I am much better socially adjusted and friendly and more bold after MP than before. I am trying to ignore the negative aspects of MP and forget about them because I don't want to be bitter and unable to forgive or forget because that will hurt me because i will have no friends eventually if that continues.