Hello to all!! I wanted to take a minute and tell you all how very MUCH I have appreciated your prayers and concern for my health!! It is beyond my abilities to express how much it has meant to me to know I have been in your thoughts! I’ll take a minute to tell you about the past couple of weeks. On the 14th I had a TVH or Total Vaginal Hysterectomy. Unfortunately, the morning of my surgery, they also found I had a prolapsing bladder. To add another element, I also had a vaginal wall prolapse of all 4 sides…. Good Grief!!! I was a mess!!! Most often, much older women need this surgery, but I guess that makes me “special”. So, the situation was unique to say the least!! I have a blood clotting disorder that requires me to be on blood thinners for things like surgery or pregnancy, so I was also on a drug called Lovenox which I had to inject into myself…listen, it takes a lot for you to willingly hurt yourself!! On Monday the 18th I went in and they removed my catheter (another wonderful torture device I have come to HATE!) and see if I could void (pee) on my own. No such luck. They then informed me I would have to self-cath (put in a catheter to void when I needed to instead of an indwelling one). You can imagine my hysteria!! I had a nervous breakdown in the office. Tears and snot did flow! Shots are one thing, but to ask me to put something somewhere that was already hurting….By Wednesday, I hadn’t been able to eat or drink hardly anything and was becoming dehydrated and had also developed a bladder infection. They had me come in to the office and told me I would need an ultrasound to look at my bladder. Now for those of you who may not know, the Transvaginal Ultrasound is NOT a fun thing to go through!! Especially not when you’ve just had surgery and you are sore to say the least!! If you have never experienced one, they use a carbon rod to look at your pelvic area for inside the vagina. Yes, it’s as fun as it sounds. NOT!! I told my doctor that I was under the impression I wasn’t supposed to be having this kind of “contact” for 4 weeks…he just laughed and proceeded to do the test. Again, the tears and snot did flow. That was VERY painful!!! They put me in the hospital overnight with IV fluids and antibiotics. On Thursday I felt a little better, but I had to have the indwelling catheter put back. On Saturday, the catheter came out and I was back to self-cath. On Monday they checked me out again to see why I was having so much difficulty voiding on my own and discovered 2 blood clots near my bladder. So, yesterday on Wednesday the 28th I had a CT Scan to see what was going on in there. They saw the clots, but they weren’t big enough to be surgical. That is a good thing, but it still didn’t answer my biggest question right now which is…why can’t I just pee????? So here I sit today, still having to self-cath to pee…. lovely right? I have to admit; I have learned a few things through this ordeal. I have done my fair share of crying over the past couple of weeks. I have thought God was punishing me for having this surgery in the first place. I have thought that God wasn’t listening to me. I have even thought I was not saying my prayer in the correct way. What are the magic words to make God act? I would sit and try every combination and pray and cry and beg for God to act on my behalf. Didn’t He see me? I trusted him and was expecting Him to do this for me and it wasn’t happening. What was I doing wrong? It is such a simple request…. I just want to pee without have to stick an 8-inch catheter into myself. That’s a good thing right? What I have learned is that even if God doesn’t do what we would like Him to do exactly when we would like it, doesn’t mean He isn’t watching over us and helping us. For one thing, I realized I had made it through the surgery! I hadn’t died or had major complications and that in itself is a wonderful testimony of God’s providence over my life! Secondly, God provided me with a wonderful Christian doctor who would encourage me and comfort me with kind words and actions. Thirdly, I have seen again what a wonderful man I married! He has been such a priceless treasure to me through all of this. You know it is true love when a man can empty your catheter bag and still look at you with desire in his eyes. Believe me, I don’t even want to look at MYSELF after doing some of the things I’ve had to do lately and the fact that he actually still finds me attractive is mind boggling. When I would get a phone call from Busyhsmom that the Loomies wanted an update on me that was also very comforting to me. I just needed to know that people cared. The fact that most of us don’t even know each other except for the Loom makes it all the more special. To express such genuine concern for someone you really don’t even know all that well speaks volumes. You ladies are all very precious to me! I just sincerely appreciate each and every one of you!
My doctor told me once in the hospital that there is a great difference between a TRIAL and PUNISHMENT. If we commit a sin against God, like say adultery, then we can expect some repercussions from that act. That would be punishment. A trial is different. There are some trials we are meant to go through in this life and we are expected to grow from them. As Christians, trials help us to become more like Christ. I know it wasn’t a sin for me to have this surgery, so I’m not being punished. Knowing that makes it easier to accept that this trial I am in will lead me closer to Christ and that through this experience I will gain a new level of understanding and hopefully add more to my character. There is a song by Jeff and Sherri Easter called “We are Broken to be Whole” that really spoke to me. It is really hard for me to see the whole purpose for this right now. Maybe that is because I am still in the middle of it. All I can say is that God’s grace has gotten me through to this point and will get me through until the end. Knowing this doesn’t mean I will always have a glad attitude about this trial. I will still get upset and cry out to God when I am so frustrated and tired of this stupid catheter. It helps me to know that God IS beside me in this trial and that I will get through it by His grace. I don’t know why I have had to experience this, but God does and His ways are not our ways. My main comfort now is knowing that God cares enough for me to change me. He is changing me in some way that even I can’t see right now, but in the end will prove to be a great blessing.
Thank you all again so very much and please continue to pray for me! I am hoping to be able to get back on the Loom very soon!
Love to all!!!
Carrawayseed
He who provides for this life, but takes no care for eternity, is wise for a moment, but a fool forever. –Tillotson
There is but one question, and that is the will of God. That settles all other questions. --William E. Gladstone
Real holiness has love for its essence, humility for its clothing, the good of others as its employment, and the honor of God as its end. –Emmons
