a baby, on one of those grey 'go-a-round' machines, from 'the generation game', or an airport, where the baggage goes. A lady with false blonde wig, like a trasnvestite lifts up the blanket that covers it and instead of the legs, it is a large pink tongue that emanates from the baby's top half. This startles me, but I think to myself that there's no reason for surprise as this is completly normal. I keep looking at the conveyor belt but theres nothing going past otehr than wrapped lunchboxes, which I am not interested in. My attention flits rapidly from one thing to the next, never fixin on anything for more than a second. I notice the girl/transvestite's nose which is bautifully long and the long wavy peroxide seems eloquent next to the golden tan skin. I sit in a beach, I think, and the sunset is dark-light, the sky is blue-grey. Breeze and sun. Thoughfulness, as the beach blows sand over my legs, which are not moveing other than the fine gold hairs on my thighs which catch the wind.
Inside my heart feels empty- achey, like something is miossing. Where is my sun gone? Then, there are fishes in my hands. i have been fishing and one of the fish have got caught into a hook, but I dont want to hurt the fish and I just wantto pull out the hook in order to put it into a water holding contaner which we have on the side which is orange and white and the grass is deep green wit the strong midday sun on it. But the fish keeps wiggling and moving and its so small and delicate and I am tugging the hook around trying to un-stick its tiny triangular point from the fish's mouth-roof, thinking of it's pain and what its going through and its tiny little life and it is still wiggling and its tearing apart in my hands and theres nothing I can do until I have these two little fishes torn into a smashed heap and they are in my sink at the bedsit in colchester and I am washingthem with tap water trying to revive them and it stays with me ,this image.
One day I go to sleep witha candle next to my bed and I am talking to myself in thissemi-sleep and suddenly I awaken and start playing with the candles, holding them in my hand ,reminding myself that i cannot go to sleep with the candles n my bed because i might set the rrom on fire and then, then I get a jam jar with one hand and a candle wit the other and i pass the candle through the bottom of the jam jar, like a sexual innunedo, and I think 'that's impossible' and then there is an awakening that Im playing-dreaming, and I start to think of things I would like to do, and then images start to flit through my mind, for some reason I think I would like to slep wit sone one I quite fancy, as I have bee nreaading about this and yet when I am in the midst of it, before anything happens I startle awake.
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