I am almost embarrassed to write this after such a positive post last Saturday. Were it not for the fact that my shoulders are tense and my head is hurting, I would not be writing at all. Bear with me.
Last week, beginning with Saturday and lasting until Tuesday, my meditation was effortless, rewarding, and blissful. I experienced the most fulfilling silence each time I meditated. Now it is gone. I think I have been trying so hard to relive those blissful experiences that I have been keeping anything good from happening. It's like being taken from an open, sunny field and being locked in a cold, dark basement. Help!!!
So let me ask the same old worn-out questions again.
Effortlesness...phew! I have a headache.
When I sit down, should I mentally repeat the mantra a few times and then stop repeating it, just listening to the silence to see if the mantra comes back or not? Should I rest in awareness, noticing thoughts but not controlling them, waiting to see if the mantra bubbles up with any of the thoughts? Should I repeat it, but without effort? The same way I would say, coffee, coffee, coffee? I'm so confused. This is crazy. Where'd my peace go?!!! STRESS is so chaotic! No wonder we have wars. I'm having one with myself!
So... Do I start it, then stop and just watch and wait for it to return?
Do I repeat it, just without effort?
What is meant by experiencing the mantra as a feeling? Do you mean a vibration in the body or as an emotion?
Should I just sit in awareness, letting it come and go as it pleases? And what if it doesn't come at all???
David, I blush as I pour this tangled mess out to you. But please help.